One More for Christmas(55)

He pulled her into his arms. “It’s going to be okay, honey. We just have to figure out a way for you to be you again. And now relax. Tab is fine.”

“She might not be fine.” The source of her anxiety had shifted. “How can she be so thoughtless?”

“She’s not even five years old, honey.”

“I’m talking about my mother. She could at least have left a note. Tab doesn’t even know her. Why would she just take off with her like that?”

“Presumably because she wants to get to know her. Seems pretty obvious to me. Also, they did sit next to each other on the flight. You mother was a saint on the journey. Tab was hard work, and your mother read to her and did endless puzzles.”

“Are you trying to make me feel bad?”

“No, Ella.” He sounded tired. “I’m trying to explain why your mother might have taken Tab outside on her own. She’s trying to bond with her, and I think it’s important that we let her.”

“She has no idea of what Tab is capable of. That child is so curious. She climbs everything, sticks her nose in everything, wants to have fun—”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have fun.”

“I know. But my mother doesn’t believe in fun. She believes in self-improvement.”

Michael strolled back to the window. “Are you sure about that? Because it looks as if she’s having fun to me. They’re building a snowman.”

“No way. My mother wouldn’t know how to build a snowman, and—oh—” She joined Michael at the window and stared. Even from this distance she could see her mother scooping up another handful of snow and adding it to the ball that Tab had already created. “I don’t believe this.”

“What don’t you believe? Why all the hysteria and yelling? I could hear you up a flight of stairs. At least tell me you saw Santa and his reindeer flying across the mountaintops.” Samantha’s voice came from the doorway. “Where’s Tab?” She walked up behind Ella to see what they were looking at. “Oh.”

“Yes.” Ella tried not to be hurt by the “hysteria” comment.

“I must be more tired than I thought. I’m hallucinating.” Samantha rubbed her eyes. “For a moment there I thought I saw our mother building a snowman with Tab.”

“She is. And she’s laughing.”

“Is Mom wearing a—blue coat?”

“I thought it was more peacock.” Ella shrugged. “I keep telling Michael how unlike her that is.”

“Well, that’s a good sign.” Samantha was still staring out of the window.

“Sign of what?”

“Sign that she can change. She wears black. All the time. But today she’s wearing peacock.”

“Which will no doubt please our daughter,” Michael said, “as it’s close to a mermaid color. It’s thoughtful of her. And now that I know our daughter is safe and happy, I’m going to take a shower and wash away the drama.” He disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the two sisters alone.

It’s thoughtful of her.

Ella felt a sizzle of frustration. He made her feel as if she was making a fuss over nothing, but her difficult relationship with her mother wasn’t nothing.

She rubbed her chest with her hand, and then she saw Samantha’s wistful expression and knew that whatever she was feeling, her sister was feeling the same way. “It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“What?”

“You know what.”

“I don’t.” Samantha straightened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh come on! You feel fine? No emotions at all seeing her out there building a snowman?”

“Ella—”

“Why do you do that? Why do you always hide your feelings? I share everything with you. It hurts my feelings that you don’t talk to me.”

“I talk to you all the time. We talk about feelings all the time.”

“You’ve never talked to me about Kyle.”

“I—there’s nothing to talk about.”

“See? That’s what I mean. I talk about my feelings and you listen. You listen to everyone. You’re great at that. When it comes to talking about your own, you’re not so great. This is me! Your sister! You can tell me how you feel.”

“About Mom building a snowman with Tab? I feel pleased. Relieved. I was as worried about this Christmas gathering as you. I don’t understand why you’re not relieved, too. What did you want, Ella? Did you want her to ignore Tab?”

“No, and I am relieved that she seems to be making an effort. But I also feel a little weird about it.” She was going to have to be the one to say it. “She never did that with us.”

“But she’s taken Tab outside to play with her. That’s massive.”

“Yes, and it hurts because she is out there playing with my daughter, trying to make her happy, and that is something she never did with us.”

Samantha stood up and hugged Ella. “I understand why you’re upset.”

“Do you? And are you not upset?” Ella extracted herself. Why was it that her sister could comfort her, but not admit her own feelings?

“It’s different. I’m not Tab’s mom.”