One Indian Girl(76)

‘It’s not always about you, Mr Neel Gupta. I am talking about myself. My needs. Do you get it, Mr I-am-so-smart Goldman Sachs partner?’

‘It’s just that. . .’ He turned silent.

‘What?’ I said. He did not respond.

‘Say what you wanted to say, Neel.’

‘It’s just I never thought of you as the maternal type. I don’t know if you were even meant to be a mother.’

I felt my face turn hot. My whole body began to quiver. Neel figured he had said something really, really wrong.

‘Okay, that did not come out right.’

‘Get out,’ I said, my voice calm.

He didn’t move.

‘Please leave my apartment, Neel. Get out now.’

‘Come here, I will make you feel better,’ he said, leaning forward. He tried to kiss me.

Slap! I gave him a tight one across his face. I didn’t care who the fuck he was.

‘How dare you? How dare you fucking say that?’ I said.

‘I am sorry.’

‘Just leave. Or I will send an email to all of Goldman Sachs tomorrow. About us. Would you like that?’

He slithered out of bed. I kept a stern gaze on him as he dressed, picked up his laptop bag and left.

I curled up in bed, tears rolling down my cheeks. I cried and cried. I buried my face in the pillows, including the one that smelt of Neel, and just cried.

You are so stupid, Radhika, I said to myself.

What was I thinking anyway? Neel and I would walk off into the sunset? He thinks I wasn’t meant to be a mother. How could I ever love this man? Did I not know this day would come?

My stomach hurt. When I went to the bathroom I discovered that Neel was right. It was that time of the month. In the middle of all this drama I had to deal with the first day of my period. Did I tell you it sucks to be a girl sometimes?



‘What’s this?’ Neel said, surprised.

He slid the letter on his desk towards me.



Josh Ang,

Distressed Debt Group

Goldman Sachs



Dear Josh,



I would like to submit my resignation from the position of vice president in the Distressed Debt Group.

Thank you so much for the wonderful experience.



Radhika Mehta



‘That reached you real quick,’ I quipped.

‘Of course. I have to sign off on it,’ Neel said.

‘Can you please do that, sir?’

‘Will you stop it, please?’ Neel said, his voice low.

‘Fine. Whatever. I’ll be quiet.’ I exhaled and kept quiet.

‘This is your career,’ Neel said after a few seconds.

‘I know what I am giving up. My career is the one thing I truly had as my own,’ I said.

‘So why?’

‘I have no choice. My career is intertwined with you. If I have to leave you, both have to go.’

‘So don’t leave me.’

‘And do what? Become your mistress?’

‘What rubbish.’

‘What else am I? Mistresses at least get some rights and privileges. I am worse, actually.’

‘You are no mistress. You make your own money. Mistresses take money from the man. They are dependent. You do it out of choice.’

‘Which in some ways makes it even worse. Can we hurry up, please?’

‘You won’t let go, is it?’ Neel said.

‘I have decided, Neel. As you can see, I have nothing to lose. You do. So please.’

‘I am sorry about what I said yesterday, okay? That mother thing.’

‘It’s not just what you said or didn’t say. This whole thing is wrong. And now if I have any self-respect left, I need to end it.’

Neel looked at me carefully. I kept my eyes on the view outside the window—the Hong Kong harbour.

‘You make me feel so bloody guilty,’ he said.

‘You should feel bloody guilty,’ I said, still without looking at him.

‘We did this together. Nobody forced you.’

‘I know. I feel guilty. So about time you do too.’

‘Give me two hours.’

‘What?’ I said, turning to him.

‘Come back in two hours. Can you?’

I shrugged and left his office. I went back to my cubicle.

My desk phone rang after two hours. I went back to Neel’s office.



‘Leave me if you have to. Don’t quit the firm,’ Neel said.

‘So are you resigning instead?’ I said.

‘Can you stop being so harsh? We have happy memories.’

I smirked at him. He continued, ‘You can take a transfer to another office. New York. London. Wherever.’

I looked at him.

‘I suppose not New York,’ he said.

Sure, not New York. I had a relationship wreck in that city too.

‘I. . .’ I began to speak as he interrupted me.

‘You can get jobs outside. But please don’t leave the group. We value you. I will never forgive myself.’

‘Is that all you won’t forgive yourself for?’ I said.

He hung his head low. Then he stood up and went to the window. I thought about his proposal for a minute.