One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(51)

Talking about Gabby had left me open and raw. Kissing Yoss had rendered me oozing and vulnerable. I needed to leave before he inflicted more damage.

“I’ll check in with you before I leave,” I told Yoss as he lay back against his pillows, clearly tired. I felt guilty for letting him do so much when he was still recovering.

“You don’t have to. I’ll be fine. Just go home,” he said as I turned to leave.

I hesitated, hurt by his dismissal. “Okay.” That’s all I could say. Even though I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to scream and cry and yell. The numbness was gone. I was all emotion. Too much emotion.

But I couldn’t give it to him. Not yet.

“I’m sorry, Imi.” His apology whispered in my ears as I left the room. But it was the words that followed that burrowed deep.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you deserved.”

I stopped just before opening the door.

“I’m sorry I believed that you already were,” I responded softly.

I left, not sure if I imagined the sound of his sobs.





Fifteen Years Ago

Summer felt endless. Warm days. Cool nights. Toes dipped in the river. Swimming in the current.

Drying in the grass and laughing with new friends.

Sunsets and stories.

Holding hands and stolen kisses.

It sounded perfect.

It wasn’t.

Far from it.

Summer was also dark corners and silent secrets. It was falling in love with a boy who was trying to keep himself from crumbling.

We were homeless. Living in a dirty warehouse falling asleep to the sounds of crying every single night hoping that the next day would be better than the one before it.

It was ugly.

It was real.

But there were moments that were almost beautiful. It was impossible to be with Yoss and not see the hope in the middle of so much misery.

His lips were warm on mine. I tried to ignore the taste of blood on my tongue from where his skin was split. I ran my fingers over a new burn on his arm. It was small, circular, like the end of a cigarette.

He had been gone all night. I had woken up to an empty bed and a stomach full of fear.

But then he showed up before sunrise and I was all right again.

“Get a room,” Di groaned, throwing something in our direction. Yoss grinned under my mouth, kissing me one last time before pulling away. His green eyes were shadowed, but happy.

So, so happy.

“You’re just jealous,” Yoss smirked at our friend who was trying to light a cigarette with a Zippo that had obviously seen better days.

“Of what? Swapping spit? I don’t think so. I have other things I’d rather be doing with my time,” Di snipped, finally tossing the dead lighter into the river. “Anyone have a book of matches? A blowtorch? Anything?” she yelled, clearly frustrated by her lack of nicotine.

Bug pulled three lighters from his pocket. “Pick one.”

Di smirked. “What’s with you and lighters? I don’t get it.”

Bug shrugged and dumped the pile in the grass at her feet.

Yoss wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. He nuzzled my hair and I beamed, feeling hot all over. “What are you getting up to today, Di?” he asked. Di was finally taking a long drag from her smoke and passed the pack to Yoss. He fished one out and dangled it between his lips.

“You’re looking at it.” She flicked ash onto the ground and spit out a stray piece of tobacco.

“I was thinking of heading to the park later,” Bug piped up, rubbing the side of his neck. He didn’t seem as strung out today, which was nice to see. Lately Bug had been high most of the time.

“That could be fun,” I said as Yoss leaned down and kissed the skin below my ear. I shivered. It would never go further than that.

Yossarian Frazier was the only eighteen-year-old boy I had ever met that wasn’t trying to get into his girlfriend’s pants.

But I couldn’t allow myself to get overly frustrated about it. Because then I’d have to think about the reasons why he wouldn’t let himself get intimate with me.

I tried to be satisfied with what he was willing to give me.

But I was sixteen. I was full of desperate, needy hormones. I wanted more. So much more.

“You want me to push you on the swings, Buggy Boy?” Shane chuckled, flipping his skateboard over in the dirt.

Bug threw a handful of rocks at Shane, who easily dodged them. “Maybe I should bury you in the f*cking sandbox, *.”

They started shoving each other playfully and Yoss rolled his eyes. “Now play nicely kids,” he said drolly.

“It looks like the boys need to burn some energy. So I say let’s go push some kids off the seesaw,” Di snickered.

“You’re going to the park? I want to come!” Karla exclaimed, sitting down on the other side of Yoss.

“Well, the gang’s all here, let’s go,” Yoss announced, standing and yanking me to my feet. He pulled me close again, his arm around my waist. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the mouth. Lingering. And I knew Yoss’s type of intimacy was just as profound as having sex. It was in the small touches. The sweet gestures. The soft kisses I felt to the tips of my toes.

“Maybe we could try to find something to eat first. I could murder a Snickers bar about now,” I remarked lightly, trying to ignore the sick emptiness in my stomach. By the time Yoss had gotten back that morning, the bread behind the café was already gone. I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday morning and I was starting to feel a little lightheaded.