One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(55)

Fiona wiggled her fingers at Yoss, who stared at her blankly. “See you guys.”

Then they were gone and I was relieved.

“God, I had almost forgotten how annoying they could be,” I laughed awkwardly. Yoss was watching my classmates with a strange look on his face.

I walked over to where he was standing and put my arms around his waist, going up on my tiptoes so that I could kiss his lips.

He stood stiffly in my arms, not holding me back.

“Yoss, come on, say something,” I pleaded.

“You should go to your Homecoming dance,” he said dully. Emotionless.

“Uh, I don’t think that fits into my current social calendar,” I joked, though it rang hollow.

Yoss reached behind his back and disentangled himself from my arms, holding me away from his body. “You should go back to school next week,” he went on.

“Yoss, don’t be ridic—”

“You have another life, Imi. A decent one. One that you should be living. Not hanging out with a bunch of f*cking skids that sleep in a goddamn warehouse.” His voice rose and I flinched.

“Why are you saying this? You know why I left home. I have nowhere to go—”

Yoss shook his head. “You have a home, Imi. You have friends. School. Homecoming. You have things the rest of us don’t. What the hell are you doing?” he demanded.

“Don’t talk to me like this, Yoss! Don’t you dare!” I cried, trying to reach out for him again, but he held me off.

“I don’t get you, Imogen. What sort of person chooses to live out here? What kind of girl attaches herself to a guy like me instead of sleeping in a warm bed and having a normal life? What’s wrong with this f*cking picture?” he yelled, turning away from me.

I let out a choked sort of sob and covered my face with my hands.

Yoss looked back at me again and his face softened.

“Stop crying. Please,” he said. “It’s just that you don’t belong out here, Imi. You should go home.”

Bug stirred in the grass, stretching out. “Shit, how long was I asleep?” he asked, sounding groggy.

Yoss and I both ignored him.

“I’ve lived my whole life being shoved aside. I thought I had finally found someone that wouldn’t ever make me feel like I wasn’t wanted.” I was crying in earnest now. I couldn’t help it. Maybe if I were less emotional I’d have known what Yoss was trying to do. If I were more mature I would have seen that he was only thinking of what was best for me. He wasn’t trying to get rid of me. He wasn’t tossing me aside. He only wanted me happy and safe. Yoss was putting my needs above his.

Because Yoss needed me. I didn’t know it then. I could only recognize my own pain. But later I would come to realize that he possibly needed me more than I could ever need him.

But my sixteen-year-old heart only heard rejection. I only saw the boy I loved telling me to leave him behind.

I wasn’t reading between the lines. I wasn’t hearing the truth that was right in front of me. I was slightly broken. Overly vulnerable. I had lived a lifetime of neglect and minimal love. I couldn’t see past my experiences to understand what real, selfless love looked like.

Teenagers aren’t known for being astute and I was no exception.

“Do you want me to go? Is that it? You’re tired of me already, Yossarian?” I shouted.

He flinched at my use of his full name.

I hated crying. I found it to be a useless waste of time. Tears solved nothing. But I couldn’t stop them from flowing down my cheeks.

Bug sat up, looking between Yoss and me. “Whoa, guys, chill out. It’s all good,” he tried to placate.

“Yes! I want you to go! I want you to leave! Of course I do!” He took my hands and pressed them to his mouth. “Do you think I want this for you, Imi?” He kissed my palm. The inside of my wrist. I could feel his hands trembling. “God, I love you! So much! I’d give anything for you to have better than this! So even though it would rip my heart out to watch you go, I want you to! I think you’re staying here because of me, and I can’t live with that! Fucking hell, Imogen, you can’t live with that either!”

Was he right? Was I staying for him?

Was I living this hell on earth because I couldn’t bear to leave him?

“Guys, seriously, don’t do this. Imi is just like us. She’s family, man,” Bug argued, picking at his lip in agitation.

Yoss stared down at me, his eyes red, his cheeks wet. “That’s where you’re wrong, Bug. Imogen is nothing like us!”

I wished that statement didn’t hurt as much as it did.

“You’re not the same as the rest of us. You’re so much better. You’re so much more.”

We were both shaking, but I was resolved and nothing Yoss could say would sway me. “You want me to go, then I’ll go. But I can’t go back to my mother. I won’t go back there. Don’t you get that?”

“You need to go to school. You need to be safe. Don’t you get that?” he rasped, his voice breaking. Cracking into pieces.

“I love you, Yoss. I won’t leave you,” I swore. And I meant it. I wouldn’t. Not now. Not ever.

Yoss closed his eyes as if in pain. “I know, Imogen. That’s the problem.”