One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(47)

“If it’s only for a few minutes, I suppose we can go to the small café up on ninth. There’s a balcony that overlooks the park,” I suggested, hitting the button that would take us to the top floor.

“Any chance I could talk my way into a cup of coffee? Or a cigarette?” Yoss asked, giving me that genuine smile I had fallen in love with all those years ago.

“I had hoped you’d have quit that nasty habit by now,” I scolded.

“I did. Years ago. But sometimes I still crave the nicotine.”

“Oh, well I’m glad you quit. I always hated when you smoked,” I admitted.

Yoss raised his eyebrows. “Really? You never said anything.”

I shrugged but didn’t respond.

Yoss cocked his head to the side and regarded me. It was an intense sort of stare that had me wanting to fidget.

“Sometimes I see you and I forget that we’re not kids anymore. Because even though you don’t quite look the same, you’re still so much like the sixteen-year-old Imi I knew.” His expression was reflective. Haunted. It chilled me and warmed me at the same time.

“I look at you and I see the girl I would have killed for. The girl I loved to the ends of this f*cked up, messed up world. But then I see your eyes and I realize you’re not that girl. Not really. Sure, I recognize the hair. The eyes. The dimple in your chin. But you’re different now.”

His words broke me. I wanted to cry and scream that of course I was different.

When he left me, he had shattered me at an impressionable age that you don’t always come back from.

Most people get over their first loves. They picked up the pieces and moved on.

That hadn’t been possible for me.

Because what Yoss and I had shared was more than first love.

It was deeper than adolescent lust and affection.

It had been soul changing.

Life altering.

It had been a reckless attachment during bleak, dangerous times. It had been a light in a murky darkness that had almost consumed us both.

I had gotten away, but I had left my heart behind.

Yoss had stayed and had apparently buried his heart deep.

We were both different.

I wasn’t sure either of us could ever go back to the people we had once been. Nor did I necessarily think we should try. Those kids had been foolish, careless, ruled by bad decisions and wild emotions.

But we had loved each other with a ferocity that I hadn’t felt since.

“Of course I’m different. People change, Yoss. It has been fifteen years,” I pointed out sharply, crossing my arms over my chest and almost wishing someone would get on the damn elevator. It was unusually empty for that time of day.

“The first thing I ever noticed about you was your eyes. You looked at me and that was it,” he mused, running his fingers over the healing scratches. His swelling had gone down days ago and the bruises were starting to fade. He had grown a thick scruff on his chin that gave him a rugged appearance, completely unlike how I was used to seeing him. But the evidence of his experience was in the hesitance of his movements, the stitches healing on his arms and on his head.

It was in the blank hardness in his deep, green eyes.

But right now, his eyes weren’t blank or hard.

They were gentle.

Tender.

They were lost in things I could never, ever forget.

The elevator doors opened and we were interrupted as people filed in. I made sure to stay close to Yoss so that he wouldn’t get jostled about as the space became more crowded.

I noticed that he leaned in slightly, turning his head so that his nose brushed against my hair. “But maybe some of you is still the same, Imi. I hope so. I really hope so,” he whispered and I couldn’t help but shiver.

I didn’t say anything. Yoss moved away slightly. As much as he was able to while surrounded by people.

When we reached the ninth floor, I helped him off the elevator. We moved slowly. One step at a time.

I led him to the glass doors at the back of the café and held it open for him to step out onto the balcony. It was cold. The wind had picked up, blowing my hair in my face. The view wasn’t anything spectacular. We could see the small park behind the hospital and the giant parking lot. We could hear the distant noise of the highway.

“It’s pretty cold out here, maybe we should go back inside,” I suggested, watching Yoss as he walked to the railing.

“Just a few minutes. Let me enjoy the fresh air.”

“Okay. Only a few minutes though.” I watched him look out at the world below.

“Did you ever get to the beach?” he asked out of the blue, surprising me.

I wrapped my arms around my middle, berating myself for not wearing a coat, hoping that if I ignored his question, he would forget he asked it.

I should have known better.

Yoss glanced back at me over his shoulder, his hands gripping the railing, his eyes piercing and intense. “Did you, Imi? Did you walk on the sand the way we talked about?”

I bit down on my bottom lip, trying to rein in the regret and anger. “No, Yoss, I never made it to the beach.”

Yoss frowned. “Why not?”

I walked up to the edge of the small balcony and leaned over, the wind frigid on my face. “Because life gets in the way sometimes. You should know that better than anyone.”