Not If I See You First(60)

“Not really.”

“Don’t you at least feel better getting that off your chest?”

“No, it makes me feel like a dick. Look, I… I’m going to go walk the track. I’ll see you around, I guess.”

“Okay. But you’re not a dick, Jason. You’re a good guy and a quick study. It gives me hope. Thanks for that.”





Sarah and Faith decide they need to keep an eye on me despite my amazing performance of normalcy today, so they come to study with us in the library after school. I don’t think they understood that Molly and I need to talk the whole time, and our talking makes it hard for them to get anything done, so they talk too and nobody gets anything done. By the time Stockley comes after football practice we’ve done nothing but we’re having too much fun to stop.

“Hey, P.G., Molly, sorry I’m late,” Stockley says. “Coach loves to hear himself talk.”

“Hey,” I say, “everybody, this is Stockley—Kent Stockley. That’s Sarah and Faith.”

Greetings are exchanged as Stockley sits down hard on the other side of Molly. I’m hoping to use this interruption to bear down on some homework. It would be lousy to invite him here to work on trig and then not do any. I’m glad he dives right in.

“What was all that Sacagawea stuff? I didn’t get that at all.”

Molly laughs. I swat at her arm but my hand finds nothing but air and this makes the others laugh.

“It’s SOH-CAH-TOA,” I say. “Sine, Opposite, Hypotenuse; Cosine, Adjacent, Hypotenuse; Tangent, Opposite, Adjacent—”

“Whoa, word blizzard!” Sarah says and everyone cracks up again, including Stockley, but not me. I’m trying to keep it together here.

“Jesus, you guys, Asshole Hour is over.” I use my teacher voice if not teacher vocabulary. “Can we set a good example for the new student?”

“Does she mean us?” Sarah whispers. “We’re the *s?”

“I’m not sure,” Faith says quietly, like they’re having a private conversation we can’t all hear. “I’m usually called a bitch.”

“Who calls you that?” Stockley sounds shocked and endearingly protective of someone he’s only just met. “Give me names and I’ll—”

“It’s nobody you can hit,” I say. “Unless you’re willing to hit girls.”

“Oh,” he says. “Sorry. Can’t help you there.”

“It’s fine, D.B., you’re—”

“What’s D.B.?” Faith asks. “I thought your name was Kent.”

“Everyone calls him Stockley,” Molly says.

“We’re getting off topic,” I say, hoping to avoid explaining to Faith what D.B. stands for. “The topic is SOHCAHTOA.”

Stockley starts reciting, “Sine, Opposite, Cosine, Adjacent—”

“No. Molly, write it down for him.”

“Look, it’s here in my notes,” Molly says and notebook pages shuffle.

“It’s easy to remember O means Opposite and all that,” Stockley says, “but remembering SO-CA-TAHOE…”

“It’s easier with a mnemonic,” Molly says. “Like… Some Old Hippie Caught Another Hippie Tripping On Acid—”

Now everyone’s really laughing, loud. I’m trying not to but Molly didn’t tell me that one before, so I’m caught off guard.

“Guys, shhh!” I hiss. “Ms. Ramsey’s going to come over here!”

“Oh my God!” Sarah says. “Oh! My! God! Somebody help us! We’re in Opposite World! We’re embarrassing Parker!”

Everybody completely loses it. I put my forehead down on the table with a hard thunk, playing my part, but really I’m breathing in the sound of everyone laughing like it’s my first deep breath after nearly drowning. I haven’t heard Sarah or even Faith laugh like this in years.

It’s okay, isn’t it, Dad? It’s not too soon, right? You’d want me to be okay, not falling apart anymore, I know it. This is my real birthday present to you, a day late…

Tears are coming. I don’t think it’s sadness trying to crash the party like it sometimes does. I’m just happy, whether or not I have a right to be, though in a desperate, unstable kind of way. I don’t want this all to go sideways.

The laughter calms and before anyone has a chance to say anything to kick it off again I lift my head and lean in.

“Everybody, shhh! Radius check. Radius check!”

Sarah and Faith quiet first—they know what this means. Stockley next, since he probably understood the least why we were laughing in the first place.

Molly stops last. “What’s radius check?”

“We’re alone,” Sarah says. “Except for Ms. Ramsey. She’s watching us through the glass but she can’t hear if we whisper.”

“There’s nobody else here,” Faith adds, “or she’d have come out by now.”

“What is it, Parker?” Sarah whispers. “Spill it.”

“Okay. So… there’s this guy I like—”

I’m interrupted by a lot of ooohs and I wave my hands.

“Okay, okay… shhh! I’m pretty sure he likes me, too, but… well, I screwed up—”