Nocturne(108)

Joseph stopped pretending to give his speech and stared, shocked.

“Nathan, stop it!” Savannah said through clenched teeth.

At that, I saw Vita and Karin meet each other’s eyes. At this point I’d made a hash of everything. I’d destroyed whatever speech our conductor was going to give, I’d likely destroyed what was left of my marriage, and, unless I did something about it now, I’d probably wrecked whatever chance I had with Savannah.

I turned to Joseph and said, “Forgive me, Joseph. But it’s urgent I speak with Miss Marshall right now.”

Nathan puffed himself up angrily. “You aren’t talking with any—“

Without thinking, I balled my right hand up into a fist and hit Nathan Connors in the face.

Savannah and several others in the orchestra screamed as Nathan went flying back from me, stumbling over a music stand and landing on his ass, one hand suddenly cupping his nose.

I took half a step forward and Savannah shouted, “Gregory, stop!”

That’s when I felt the pain shooting through my right hand, and I cradled it against my chest. Half in a panic, because an injured hand could be a disaster for a musician. That thought ended quickly as Nathan let out a yell and charged me.

Two of the other musicians grabbed him.

“Motherf*cker!” he shouted again, his face red from my fist. “Why can’t you just leave her alone? Every f*cking stop on this tour you’ve been screwing her … and breaking her heart.”

Half the orchestra gasped, as if they didn’t know already, and I saw Karin’s face pale. Rage impelled me forward, but James grabbed my arms.

“Don’t!” he said. “You’ve already done too much.”

Everything went silent, however, with the sound of Savannah’s open palm slapping Nathan’s face. “Nathan, shut up!”

I stood there, part of a frozen tableau, with the orchestra ringed around me, and James holding my arms. And then the silence was broken as my wife burst into loud sobs.

His tone bitter, angry, Joseph said, “Thank you all for an amazing tour. Good night.” Then he turned and marched away, quickly.

“Let me go,” I said to James, my voice quiet. “I’m done with him.”

I was too late, though. Savannah had already run to her mother.

I sighed, then turned toward Karin. “Let’s go.”

She stared at me, her face a mixture of grief and complete disbelief.

“Let’s go,” I repeated. “We need to talk.”





Gregory


Karin and I walked out of the hall in silence. Because what was there to say, after all? She walked quickly, slightly ahead of me, her back straight, tense, angry. I’d quickly packed the Montagnana and now carried it in my right hand.

An after party was scheduled in one of the ballrooms upstairs. I would not be attending, nor, I suspected, would Savannah.

I had to talk to her. Somehow, I had to convince her not to go to Chicago, or back to Russia, or anywhere else. To stay here with me. I had to … I had to make her understand that she’d become so important to my life that to lose her would destroy everything

But first, I had to deal with Karin.

Her heels echoed off the marble floor as we walked to the parking reserved for members of the orchestra. Most of the audience had already cleared the hall, but traffic exiting onto the streets of Boston would be snarled for another half hour or longer. Delightful.

We reached the car in silence. I quickly put the cello into the back then automatically walked to the passenger side to open her door for her. She gave me an aggrieved look as I closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side.

I started the car, and in the silence that followed, she said, “Just tell me the truth, Gregory.”

My stomach was twisted—my entire body flooded with dread and nausea, sharp pain pounding a crescendo between my eyes.

I stared straight ahead and gripped the steering wheel with both hands. “I want a divorce.”

She flinched.

I put the car in reverse and backed out of the spot. This end of the parking lot had few cars, but I’d been through this before. There would be hundreds trying to leave at the same time. I wished I’d taken a cab tonight. I wished I’d left Karin at home. I wished I was in Colorado or Idaho or Montana or any of the dozens of cities I’d been in over the last few weeks. I wished I was anywhere but here.

I wished I was with her...

“Do you love her?” she asked.

I paused. It was so much more complicated than that. Yes, I loved Savannah. But that wasn’t the reason I wanted a divorce, even though that was what Karin was trying to assert. It was all tied together, though. Because I didn’t love Karin. And our marriage had simply gotten worse as the last couple of years went by. And much worse when she decided she wanted to have children, whether or not I wanted them. But I couldn’t absolve myself of blame. Because ... I’d been a complete shit and there was no way around that.

But Savannah …

Savannah had shown me what I didn’t know I was missing. What I never realized I’d been craving. Connection. Understanding. No matter what was going to happen between us, she’d shown me what true love was. What it felt like. And, what it felt like when it was gone.

Finally, I settled on the one answer that I knew was the wrong answer, the one that I knew would hurt the worst, but the simplest one, the only answer I could give.