No Kissing Allowed (No Kissing Allowed #1)(60)

Aidan: This is killing me.

I placed the phone against my chest, then texted back.

Me, too. Can you move your meeting up so you fly home sooner?

Aidan: My schedule won’t allow it. Can you fly in for a long weekend? Hell, I’d pay for a private plane at this point.

I grinned. I hate when you say things like that.

Aidan: You love it.

Me: It’s just one more week, right?

Aidan: You’re right…

Me: I hate being right.

Another boyfriend might ask me to dip into my dad’s money, might even make me feel guilty that I wouldn’t. But Aidan understood me and my reasons, which made me love him all the more. My chest clenched at the memory of us at the airport, the words right there, begging to be said. It was the movie moment, that scene where the lovers proclaimed their true feelings, and suddenly music began to play, and they kissed, and you knew everything would be all right. But as I stared at Aidan that day, I knew that wasn’t our story. I would say those words and it would change nothing. He would still board the plane, and I would still be in New York, because that was life, and I didn’t want to tell him I loved him under such depressing circumstances. I wanted to say it when we were both at our best, when the moment was alive with excitement and hope and joy.

Aidan: So one more week, then?

Me: One very long week. Call tonight?

Aidan: I’ll be waiting by the phone.

I turned my phone off and tucked it into my bag, knowing if I didn’t I wouldn’t get any work done at all.

…

I waited until Ellen left for the day and then slipped out, desperate to be alone for a moment so I could think. The frigid night air cut through my coat, while tiny snowflakes danced all around me. Tilting my head back, I allowed them to drop onto my face, basking in the magic of the snow in the lights of the city. Back home, it rarely snowed, and if it did, only an inch at best. But here, snow would continue until everything looked as though it’d been covered in white icing, and for a day it would be the most beautiful thing in the world. But then the snow became dirty slush, and there were no snow days. No calling into work because you couldn’t get down your driveway. Though I wished we did have snow days, if only so I could spend the night talking to Aidan as long as he could stay awake, and then let his voice carry me off to sweet dreams.

An overwhelming sadness hit me, and I stopped walking. This was my life now. There wasn’t an expiration date to this situation. No counting down the days and then everything would be fine. After these three weeks, we would have another three weeks, or a month, or two months. And then what? Would two months become six? I started to grab a cab and decided instead to walk around, to allow the city to distract me. But as I walked, memories would hit, one after the other, each playing out until finally I couldn’t take it anymore and a sob burst from my lips. I had no idea how long I’d been walking, but my fingers and toes were now numb, my face tingly from crying, and I just wanted to go home. But not just home. I wanted to go home to Aidan. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and stroke my hair until everything felt perfect again. But that wasn’t my life anymore.

This was my life.

And now that I’d allowed the tears to begin, they wouldn’t stop. I pushed into my apartment building, glad to be out of the cold, and then took the elevator up to my floor. As soon as I unlocked my apartment and the door was safely shut behind me, I slumped to the floor, my head in my hands, as I cried tears for everything I wanted in my life, and everything I now knew I would never have.

“Cameron?” Lauren said. “Are you all right? Did something happen with Aidan? Is that why he called?”

My head snapped up. “Aidan called you?”

“Yeah. I had a missed call from him, but he didn’t answer when I tried to call him back. Then I called you and it went straight to voicemail. I was freaking out that something had happened. I almost called your mom.”

“You didn’t.”

“No, but I was worried. Have you talked to him lately?”

“Yeah, I talked to him—wait, what time did he call? I haven’t talked to him since this morning.”

“Around noon.”

My heart began to pick up speed, worry zooming through me as I frantically searched my purse for my phone. Crap. I’d forgotten to turn it back on this morning. I held down the power button, my hands shaking so badly I nearly dropped my phone to the floor. The screen came up, an image of Aidan and me in the background—and a plethora of texts and calls, all from Aidan. Without looking at them, I hit his name and jumped to my feet.

Something happened. Something was wrong, I could feel it. He would never call me so many times unless something had happened. I waited for the call to connect, but instantly it went to voicemail. I called again, and again, praying for a different response, but each time hearing his deep voice as he said his name.

Panic worked its way up my spine, crawling to each of my muscles until my entire body shook.

“Cameron, sit down before you fall down.” Lauren led me to the couch, and I sat down, my brain searching for possible explanations as to why he would call so many times and not be available now.

The texts.

I started through them, each more disjointed than the last.

I need to talk to you. It’s important. Can you call?

Cameron, please?

Call me?