My Life in Shambles(66)

I think my nan knows something is wrong. She’s noticed me napping and commented several times on how tired I look and that perhaps I should take Valerie to the Mediterranean for some sun, knowing I’m not going anywhere now, not with my dad like he is.

But I don’t want to tell her yet. I will. I’ll have no choice. I just hope that until my dad goes, that I can keep up appearances.

And that’s all I’ve been doing, isn’t it? Just keeping up appearances. Pretending that Valerie is my fiancé. Trying to be a good son even though I’m anything but.

I stare at the glass of water in my hands for a moment, almost willing my hand to shake, daring it. But it remains steady. I drink the rest of it down and look at Val.

“I guess my plan of sleeping through the engagement party didn’t work?” I ask.

She laughs softly. “No. And guess what? There is no party.”

“What?”

“Well, there is but we’re the only guests. They didn’t invite anyone. They just wanted to have a fancy dinner with us to celebrate. What a relief, huh?”

“Fuck yeah it’s a relief.” Instead of having to make it through forced conversation with strangers and townsfolk, I just have to deal with my family like I’ve been doing every day.

“But,” she says, tapping her fingers along my arm. “Your grandmother wants us to look nice.”

“Like a suit, that kind of look nice? Because I don’t have one and I don’t want to borrow one from the Major.”

The corner of her mouth curls into a smile and I know she’s picturing me dressed as the Major. “I’m sure a dress shirt and nice pants will do fine. Now, come on. Get up.”

She tries to pull me out of bed but I pull back and grab her wrists until I’m bringing her on top of me. She giggles, her hair spilling down into my face and tickling my nose.

I know she thinks I’m going to put the moves on her as I often do, but the truth is I’m too tired to even think about sex right now. The thought scares me a little but I’m also too tired to be scared by it. I just want to hold her, just want to look at her.

I put my hands at the side of her face, pushing back her hair so I can see her eyes clearly. “There ye are, darlin’.”

“Here I am,” she says, smiling sweetly at me.

Something inside my chest drops, like it’s pulled by a weight in my gut and for a moment I’m free-falling. A terrifying, intoxicating, gorgeous feeling that spreads throughout me. It makes tears burn behind my eyes, threatening to undo me.

I take in a trembling breath, feeling everything all at once and it’s so much but I smile and say, “I should go get dressed then.”

She runs her thumb under my eye, even though I haven’t shed a tear, and kisses the top of my nose before she climbs off of me.

I get up, slowly, carefully and make my way down the stairs to my room to change while she does the same in hers, bracing myself on the wall as I go.

Nan is standing at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in her Sunday best, plus a set of pearls I’ve never seen her wear before. Her white hair is combed back and she’s even wearing lipstick.

“Nan,” I say to her, straightening up and trying to seem normal as I walk down the remaining steps. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen ye look so lovely.”

“Wish I could say the same to you,” she says, narrowing her eyes. “What’s wrong with ye?”

“Me? Oh, just knackered. The winter here is brutal.”

“That’s why I say ye need to take Valerie dear somewhere south. She’s pale as a ghost ye know, and yer looking worse every day.”

“Well thank ye for that very kind remark,” I tell her, heading to my room. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try and make myself look pretty for my engagement party.”

“How about ye try and make yourself look pretty for your nana,” she says before walking down the hall to the dining room, grumbling as she goes. “You can start by getting rid of those bloody tattoos.”

I look down at myself. She can’t even see my tattoos.

I wash my face, fix my hair just so, then slip on an eggplant-colored dress shirt and black pants and, well, hot pink slippers because Nan won’t let you wear shoes in the house, and then join everyone in the dining room.

It looks like quite the feast. With the elegant table settings and polished silverware and fine china, and everyone sitting around the table in their nicest clothes, it really does look like there’s a party going on. I see my Nan even let us drink the good wine, the kind she keeps hidden in a stone shed beside the mews.

“Fashionably late,” Major says as I walk over. “That saved a lot of lives in the war, ye know.”

I take my seat beside Valerie.

“Nice shoes,” she says through a laugh. Of course she looks gorgeous, dressed in a long-sleeved black dress that clings to her curves and shows off her fantastic tits without being too lewd.

Not that it stops the Major from ogling her from across the table. Luckily Val seems okay with it.

“Sorry I’m late,” I tell everyone, looking from my dad, who is wearing a blue dress shirt and seems to have more color in his skin, though maybe that’s the wine talking, to Val, Nan, the Major and Gail. Gail looks a bit on edge, sitting stiffly in her seat, wearing a red dress that still has the apron around it.