Moon Touched (Zodiac Wolves: The Lost Pack #1)(69)

When I looked at Kaden, his eyes were fixed on me, their dark depths glittering in the light of the moon. "How does it feel to be one of us now?"

"It feels good," I said. "But Stella told me that now that I'm in the pack I won't go into heat every month."

"That's true."

I lifted my chin and held his gaze. "Kaden, I have to know. Is that the only reason you made me a member of the pack? To stop me from going into heat so often?”

Kaden's jaw clenched as if he hadn’t expected me to be that blunt. “Not the only reason. I’d planned to test you from the moment we captured you, but the full moon did bring the timetable up.”

I huffed. “I knew it was a little too convenient. Would I even be a member now if not for my heat?"

“I did it to protect you,” Kaden growled.

I let out a bitter laugh. "Was it really so bad? What happened between us? Is my body really so repulsive to you?”

Kaden closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. “No. It’s not what you think.”

“Then what?” I reached out and captured Kaden’s jaw in my hand, needing him to open his eyes. I wanted to see the truth in them. He flinched as if my touch had hurt him, and I quickly drew my hand back, my heart breaking at the sight.

I stood up, unable to bear being around his rejection for another second. But as I started to walk away, he rose and took a step toward me.

"Ayla." His hand closed around my wrist, and I turned back to face him. Inside his eyes, I saw my own feelings reflected. Guilt, lust, and no small amount of need. He dragged me closer, and before I even knew what was happening, his lips crashed against mine.

His hand slid up to cup the back of my head, and he pulled me close so our bodies were flush. I groaned into the kiss, melting against him as his lips moved across mine. He held me like I belonged to him, while his tongue stroked my own, an erotic dance that sent heat to my core. Even during our frenzied night of sex, he’d never once kissed me, and now I knew I’d been missing out on something incredible.

I could drown in this forever, I thought as his mouth claimed mine over and over. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't move—and couldn't care less. He kissed me like he'd been dying to do this for years, gripping my hair to tilt my head exactly the way he wanted me. He kissed me like he'd fucked me, like he couldn't control himself, like an animal driven by instinct alone—and I kissed him back the same way.

Then Kaden suddenly jerked back, breaking our connection while putting distance between us like he'd been burned. “No. I can't."

I blinked and touched my lips, still tasting him on them. “Can’t, or won’t?”

“Won’t,” Kaden said, shaking his head. “I refuse to be with someone who is mated to someone else. I’ve gone through that once before, and I will never do it again. It nearly killed me the first time.”

I sucked in a deep breath at the revelation. “I don’t feel anything for my mate. Please, trust me when I say that. I don’t want him. I'd rather die than be with him.”

“It doesn’t matter, the bond will always be there. If Jordan showed up right now and snapped his fingers, you’d run right to his side. It isn’t a matter of wanting him or not.”

I winced. “I wish you had more faith in me than that."

Kaden pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers before looking back at me, his face haunted. “I was in love once with a girl named Eileen. We were childhood sweethearts, and everyone expected that we’d be mates when we became adults. But the mate bond never appeared between us.” He shook his head. “We decided that it didn’t matter. We’d make it work, and she would be the future alpha female.

“One day we went to trade with the Sagittarius pack. They're the only pack who has ever treated us kindly, and I've worked hard to build a good relationship with them. When the beta of their pack shifted, a mating bond appeared between him and Eileen. She fought it for as long as she could because she wanted to be with me, but it didn’t matter. Our love wasn't enough, in the end. She had to go to her mate.” Kaden looked me dead in the eye, and even though the words were vulnerable, his voice was hard. “It tore us apart, and it got to the point where it hurt for us to even look at each other. She joined the Sagittarius pack and I haven’t seen her since. So no, Ayla, it isn’t that I don’t have faith in you. I’ve been down this road before and I’m never going down it again.”

With those words, he walked past me toward the edge of the roof, while my heart pounded in my throat.

"Kaden, wait—" I said, but he was already gone.

He leaped off the edge of the roof and landed on the grass as if the drop was nothing, then disappeared into the forest behind the house. All I could do was watch him go, while my soul was shattered into a million pieces. What could I have said to him anyway? It was clear he would never believe that I wanted only him. Worst of all, if I was completely honest with myself, I wasn't sure what would happen if I saw Jordan again. The mate bond had faded to a dull hum that I managed to ignore on a daily basis, but I had a feeling if Jordan appeared in front of me it would be a lot harder to resist. I couldn't blame Kaden for not wanting to risk that chance.

Besides, as the alpha, he had to find his own mate. His own alpha female, who would bear his children and lead the pack with him. Someone who wasn't me.