Mine Would Be You (90)

“That’s okay.”

I shake my head, feeling like the little kid that always came to his parents for everything. Except now I’m grown up. It’s funny how we never stop needing them.

“When are you going back?” Mom asks, meeting my unsure look.

“I’m not sure. I thought about going back Sunday or the weekend after, but I don’t know.” I want to be here because I want to be in the house I grew up in with my dad, and to be here with my family. I also really want to follow Nina home.

Mom smiles knowingly. “Jackson, baby, don’t stay here and sit in the grief with us. Unfortunately, it’ll follow you. Go back to New York and be with Nina. I know you want to.”

I smile, shaking my head and standing up. Easily I pull my mom into a hug. We stay like that, and I know she’s right. Sitting here, chasing my dad who isn’t here, isn’t going to make this any easier, not that much will, and I won’t lean on my family. I won’t let myself. But I will lean on Nina.

Suddenly, there are arms wrapping around me from the other side. “I heard. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it, and I love you, Jackson,” Veah mumbles into my back.

I chuckle. “Love you too. You really should stop eavesdropping, you know.”

She steps away and pinches my arm. “Jerk.” But then she hugs me again.

We pull away, and Mom wipes under her eyes. “Go book a flight.”

Veah chimes in, “I’ll help!” I flick her on the forehead again.

“Shut up.” I grin, happy I talked to my family about everything. “All right, well, I’m going to go up and figure it all out. I’ll be back down when dinner’s ready. Let me know if you need help.” I take my beer and a few more chips and head up the stairs, stopping only at Mateo’s old bedroom, where the door swings open. I don’t expect to find him there, but he’s packing up clothes, probably ready to head back to his apartment, and I lean against the door frame.

“Hey, you okay?” I ask quietly, my eyes flickering to the pictures of him and dad on his dresser.

He turns, rubbing his eye with his thumb. “Okay as I can be right now. You?”

“Yeah, doing my best. You know, if you ever need to get away, you can always let me know and fly up to the city. You and V are welcome anytime, you know that.”

He sits on his bed and nods, but he starts to smile, bright against his brown skin. “Yeah, I know. Nina was great. Heard you’re in love.”

I roll my eyes. “You and Veah, always so damn nosy.”

Mateo shrugs. “Can’t help it, we learned from you. Seriously, she’s great. I’m happy for you, Jackson. Dad would be too.”

I start to head out, patting the doorframe. “Yeah, well, I’ll buy you guys a ticket, and we can all do something soon, okay? I miss you guys.”

“I know it was for a shitty, terrible reason, but having you here was great. I miss having you around.”

A grin spreads. “Aw, you miss your big bro?”

He rolls his eyes and turns around. “Yeah, yeah, get out.” I laugh and head down to my own room, thoughts swirling in my head.

Part of me does want to stick out the week, spend a bit more time with Mom and Veah and Mateo while I’m here. Spend a bit more time where Dad used to always be. And the other part of me wants to go home and get Nina and hide away in the city. I crack my neck and rub my hand across the back, kneading out the knot that’s formed when my phone starts buzzing.

Myles’s name blinks back at me. Like it has for the fourth or fifth time this week. Each one I’ve sent to voicemail. So I’m not sure why I answer this one, but I do, sliding my thumb across the screen carefully.

“Hello?” I sit down on my bed.

He hesitates. “Hey, I’ve been trying to catch you.”

I sigh. “Yeah, I know.”

I don’t offer an apology because I don’t have one. Even though I do miss my friend and am not blind to the way I went about pursuing Nina, though I never intended to keep it from him, the way he acted and treated all of us wasn’t okay.

“I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry about your dad. And that I’m here for you, and so is Emma. I know I don’t have a place to say that, but I’m gonna say it anyway.” He pauses. “I’m sorry, Jackson.”

After a deep inhale, I respond. “Thank you.”

“Did Nina make it down?”

My brows furrow, confused as to why he’s asking me about my girlfriend. “Yeah, she did. Why?”

“No reason. I saw her a few weeks ago to—well, it doesn’t matter. I just knew she was nervous about coming down if need be.”

Even though I hate to admit it, there was a time he knew me better than anyone. Knew how I’d react, knew exactly what I would do. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss my friend, but I’m also hesitant about letting him back into my life, especially now.

“Yeah, she came down. It was good. And thank you for calling,” I add, because that’s as much as I can give to him right now.

“Good, well, not good, um, you know what I mean. Well, one day when you’re back, if you’re open to it, I’d like to talk. Maybe,” he rambles, and I nod to myself.

“We’ll see, Myles. Not sure about all that right now. But I’ll let you know; tell Emma I say hi, okay?” I take another sip and shortly after he says he will, we say an awkward goodbye and hang up the phone.