Mine Would Be You (89)

He pulls me into a tight hug, and I don’t hesitate to wrap my arms around his waist. He rests his cheek on my head, and I lean into him, breathing him in. “You’re gonna be late.”

I nod because he’s right, but we stand like that for a little bit longer until he finally pulls back and picks up my bag, draping it over my shoulder. “I’ll be back soon,” he says, tapping the center of my lips with his thumb before tucking his hands in his pockets.

I can’t help it, I give him one last kiss before I turn and head into the airport. He watches me, and I wish I could stay and help him through this, but it’ll be a process, and all I can do is love him through it.

“Take your time,” is the last thing I say before heading inside. I feel his eyes on me every step of the way, can feel all the emotions from here.

I go through the usual airport procedures mindlessly, thinking about how easy it is to love him. After Myles, I was terrified of putting everything out there, of putting all my emotions into one place and into one person. Letting Jackson see those parts of me is still scary in a way, because it’s new, but mostly I just feel an excitement that I’ve never felt before. Because Jackson makes me feel everything so much deeper than I ever have before.

Nothing about loving him is wrong or hard, it’s as easy as breathing.

Compared to the past, it’s like pitting the sun against a speck of sand.

Jackson may not be my first love, but he’s my eye opener. I get it. Why everything is about love. The books, the songs, movies, and poetry, everything makes sense. Why people can’t stop writing about it, dreaming about it, craving it.

I lean back into the airplane seat, looking out the window. Whenever he’s ready, I’ll be there. I’m not waiting for him in a way that I need him to go on with life. I’m pretty sure he loves me. But he’s been through a lot, and I’ll wait for him to realize he doesn’t have to try to be anyone else but himself. The person he’s always been.

And when that happens, I’ll still be in love with him.





My hand grips the steering wheel tightly as I turn right into my neighborhood, the music low in the background because I’m not listening to it anyway. For the first time, I’m not overwhelmed by grief or the loss my dad. All I can think about is Nina.

I love you.

I shake my head, feeling both heavy and light. I feel guilty for not saying it back, for dumping all this stuff on her over and over again. But then she goes and does that, tells me she loves me, something I didn’t even realize I needed in that moment until I heard it.

I lean back into the smooth leather of the car seats, my dad’s old truck instead of the rental, and it still smells faintly of him. I don’t know how to describe it except that it’s Dad. But it also smells a bit like Nina now, like fresh rain and flowers, and the scents combined comfort me.

So does the fact that she loves me.

Even though I had to let her walk away right after to get home, I know I’ll chase her down for the rest of my life if she lets me.

I climb out of the truck, tucking my phone into my pocket as I walk back inside. No use in texting her now since she’s on the plane. The smell of food immediately hits me, and I head straight to the kitchen to see Mom and Veah both sitting there, sipping water. I grab a beer for myself.

“Did she make it to her flight on time?” Veah asks, popping a tortilla chip in her mouth.

I take a pull of the beer and nod. “Yup, she’s all set. Should be landing in a little less than two hours.”

She smiles. “She’s great. Honestly, better than I ever expected for you.”

I flick my little sister on the forehead and grab a few chips for myself.

“Well, she certainly, made you all smile again. She was great, Jackson,” Mom says this time, flipping over whatever is in the skillet. “When are you going home? I know you’re not staying here long without her now.” She raises a brow, and I lean next to where Veah sits on the counter.

“I want to go back soon,” I say, but I hesitate.

“But—” My mom gives me a pointed look.

I give her a knowing look. I can’t ask my dad, and I need to ask my mom. What to do. If she thinks I’ll get through this. If she thinks Nina will be there when I do.

Veah narrows her eyes at me and whines, “No, come on. Don’t kick me out. I’m not the annoying little sister anymore. I can help.”

“Veah, hon, give us a second, okay?” Mom says for me, and I spare her a thankful glance, taking a seat at the counter while my sister grabs her tortilla chips and heads to the living room. “What’s going on?”

I rest my head in my hands before looking up. “She told me she loved me.” Her eyes light up, but I go on. “I feel like I don’t deserve it. Not after everything. I feel lost, like the world’s off kilter and I’m not the same man she met all those months ago.”

“Oh, sweetie.” My mom sits next to me. “The world is off for us, and probably will be forever in some ways. But you’re not a different person, you’re just going through something. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love and happiness. You’ve always been my sunshine boy, but that girl, Nina, lifted you up when you needed it. And you let her.”

“I didn’t say it back. I was in shock and feeling overwhelmed.”