Mine Would Be You (83)

“If you need anything at all, you let us know, okay?” he says gruffly, the emotion clear in his voice. Veah squeezes my left hand, where she’s holding on tightly, and I squeeze it back.

“Same goes for you, okay?” My mom says to the chief, patting his cheek. He gives her a smile, and they let us head in first to prepare.

The front of the room where we’ll stand for the viewing is set up beautifully. My dad’s urn is on the table with a collage of photos of him with us and with his friends. I chose to put his favorite baseball cap up there, Veah and Mateo chose their own things, and my mom put the tie he wore on their wedding day on the table.

Veah clings to my hand as we walk through, and for once, she’s quiet, her eyes wet with tears, and I just wish I could take it away. Mateo is silent on my right as Mom walks in front of us, head high and putting on a brave face. We set up, taking our places, and before I know it, people are filing in. Shaking hands with them, hearing them tell stories about my dad is breaking my heart little by little, but I manage to hold back the tears. Each story is like a weight added to my shoulders. It gets heavier and heavier as people tell me things I never knew about my dad. Stories from the firehouse, about how he actually had to save a cat from a tree one time or how he almost burnt down a classroom in high school science. Every detail is so perfectly my dad, but it breaks me little by little.

I never let go of my sister’s hand, and at one point she has to step back, and I shield her from the crowd as best I can. Mateo keeps his head high, but I see the tense set of his jaw and how he shakes out his hands after greeting everyone.

As much as I love taking care of them, I would never stop, I realize I’m a fucking idiot because I wish Nina was here.

I wish I had her to lean on.

I look around the crowded room. The line is shorter now as people take their seats, and we’ll start the ceremony soon. The next person says hi with a soft voice to Mateo, the first in line, and I look to my left to see a familiar face. Nina’s brown eyes flicker to mine as she shakes my brother’s hand. He gives her the tiniest smile as she squeezes his hands before moving closer to me.

Shock fills my chest, and Veah squeezes my hand, leaning up. “Thought you might need her here after all.” My chest tightens, and Veah gives me a soft smile. “You’ve been taking care of us. It was my turn to take care of you.”

I’m speechless as Nina steps in front of me with a sad smile on her face, but her warm brown eyes make me feel safe instantly. Straightaway, I pull her forward and wrap my arms around her tightly, breathing her in as I bury my head in her hair. Her hands spread out on my back, pulling me closer. I hold on for as long as I can before pulling back.

“Hi,” she says, and I’m so stupid for thinking I could’ve done this without her. She intertwines her fingers with mine briefly.

“Will you sit with me? When I’m done?” I ask, right to the point. I’d keep her up here with me if I could.

She reaches up and fixes my suit collar, spreading her hands down the shoulders. “Of course.”

Before moving on she leans up and kisses me on the cheek, the simple act piecing a small crack in my chest back together. Nina hugs Veah with the same fervor, and my mom holds her the longest of all of us, even though they’ve never met. They both have wet eyes when they pull away. I nod towards the first row, and she takes at seat at the edge. Her arrival makes it a bit easier to breathe, and I think I might actually make it through the funeral.

When the viewing ends, we take our seats, and as soon as I’m next to her, she grips my hand tightly in hers, intertwining our fingers. I place a kiss on her temple, the emotions fighting to break out of my chest. People speak, and my eyes burn with unshed tears every time someone new tells yet another story I’ve never heard. Veah goes up, but when she gets up there, she freezes, and I instantly go up with her. I hold back the few tears that threaten to fall when we tell a story of when she was first born and how Dad wouldn’t put her down because he was scared she’d break. She smiles and cries and holds my hand. Mateo is silent the whole time, fidgeting and avoiding looking at anyone, but I know that is just how he copes and I’ll let him.

Mom closes it out, telling us all what a great man he was. A great husband. A great father and an even better friend.

By the time it is over, everyone has wet eyes, but we’ve all laughed at least once, determined to celebrate my dad’s life. Nina is by my side the entire time. Either holding my hand or drawing little shapes on my thigh to distract me when I need it.

When we step outside into the gloomy day, I can’t help but hug her again. We rock back and forth slowly, my thumb rubbing under her ear, on her back, everywhere I can get.

“Thank you,” I mumble into her hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay,” she says into my chest, her warmth seeping into my cold body. “I understand.”

My family waits off to the side. We’re having the wake at our house with only Dad’s closest friends, keeping it small.

I pull back. “Where are you staying?”

“I’m at a hotel down the street.”

“Okay, well, let’s go get your stuff. You can stay with us from here on out.”

She shakes her head. “Jackson, I’m only here until Sunday, and I don’t want to overstep.”