Midnight Lily(41)

"How'd I end up here?"

"You threw yourself right off a cliff I guess."

That didn't feel right. I searched my memory. "No, I didn't," I said. "I tripped."

"Okay. Well, your finger is broken and your ribs are bruised. You're lucky that's the extent of the damage. You were also dangerously dehydrated."

I opened my eyes as her footsteps came closer, and she stoked the fire. An old woman with short, salt-and-pepper hair and a face that was still lovely despite her advanced age. She vaguely resembled Lily.

"Who are you?" I asked. "Where's Lily's mother?"

"That's nothing for you to concern yourself with. You have enough problems of your own. Focus on getting better." I cringed from a muscle spasm in my calf.

I waited for more, but she didn't offer it. My brain was still foggy, and my body felt like a dead weight. I decided not to press the issue. "Lily?" I asked.

"I sent her away for a little while. Detoxing is messy and involves lots of personal bodily functions. I didn't believe you'd want her cleaning you up."

I grimaced. No, I didn't. "Thank you," I said. "Thank you for that." I felt grateful to this woman for giving me that small dignity.

She shrugged. "The worst of that is over, I think."

"How long have I been here?" I asked, sinking more deeply into the hot water. It felt so good. I opened my eyes long enough to glance around. The room looked like an old library, with an ornate, marble fireplace taking up a large portion of one wall, bookshelves filled with books all along the others, and a sitting area right behind the tub.

"Four days." Four days. Four days of no pills. A surge of pride ran down my spine. The worst was over. It must be.

"When will she be back?" I asked.

The woman paused, not looking at me, still stoking the fire. "Tonight. Are you hungry?" I considered her question, realizing I actually was.

"I think I could eat. Maybe I should. Maybe that'd be good."

She handed me a towel and looked away but didn't seem embarrassed by this situation. I thought maybe she was uncomfortable with me being there in general, though I wasn't sure why. My brain was still so foggy, and I was disoriented. I stood up slowly, using the towel to cover myself, and stepped gingerly out of the tub onto the faded Oriental rug on the floor. I wrapped the towel around my waist. "How'd you get me into this tub?"

"You walked. I just supported you. The fogginess should start diminishing now that you're moving around. And your clothes are in that bedroom." She pointed to an open door.

I nodded and walked toward it. My legs felt like they weighed ten tons each. It took all my energy to pull on my clothes. The woman brought me to the sitting area, and bending over a coffee table in front of the small couch, I ate some kind of vegetable stew filled with potatoes and a thick, rich broth. It was delicious and I'd have eaten more if I had the strength. I drank two glasses of water and could barely keep my eyes open.

The woman helped me back to the small bedroom where I'd changed my clothes and this time, I took a moment to look around. It had a twin bed in the corner and a dresser against the wall. There were personal knickknacks everywhere—a pink stone that was so smooth it looked like it'd been polished that way, a bird's nest, feathers of all colors and sizes, a basket full of pine cones, even a small, chipped arrowhead . . . things from the forest. "This is Lily's room, isn't it?"

As I walked past her, the woman nodded and inclined her head toward the bed, telling me to get in. I wasn't going to argue. I'd just sleep for a little while and be awake when Lily got back. "Thank you," I murmured, not turning around. "Thank you for helping me." The woman didn't reply. I only heard the click of the door being shut. I undressed quickly and climbed into bed. The pillow smelled like Lily. I fell asleep immediately, only coming to momentarily when I heard hushed arguing on the other side of the door. I could only make out Lily's words.

“You don’t know that. You don't know unless . . .”

“. . . there must be a way.” Quiet weeping.

“I can be. I can be what he needs.”

More weeping.

Lily.

I tried to pull myself fully out of sleep, pull myself toward her, but couldn't.

I dreamed of Ryan. He came to me through the fog, speaking to me, reminding me, telling me his story because I'd forgotten. Oh God, I'd forgotten. No, I hadn't forgotten. I hadn't wanted to hear. I'd shut it out, abandoned him. Abandoned myself. Yes, I'd abandoned myself. Because I'd thought I deserved it.

My best friend held out his hand to me and I gasped, the image becoming clearer and clearer as he moved closer. I wanted to look away in shame and an overwhelming sense of . . . fear. I was going to be lost, alone. But he was smiling, and he looked . . . happy. "Forgive me," I choked.

"There's nothing to forgive. It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault," he said. "I did what I was meant to do in this life. It's time to let me go now." No, no, no, no.

I woke up with tears on my face and warm arms wrapped around me. "Shh," she crooned. "I'm here. I'm right here."

"Lily," I choked out, burrowing my head into her chest. "Oh God, Lily." She held me as I cried, held me as it all came back. She was my strength as the truth dragged me under. When the final sobs wracked my body, I tipped my head back and looked up into her sweet, gentle face. She brushed the hair back from my forehead and kissed my cheeks tenderly. There was so much understanding in her expression. "Do you know about me? Do you know?" I asked.