Maybe Someday(87)

bite the bullet and lay it out there.

Me: Do you have a minute? I really have

some things I’d like to say to you.

Sydney: Yes, and likewise.

I glance up at Maggie again, and she’s still

asleep in the same position. Having this conver-

sation with Sydney in her presence, as innocent

as it is, makes me uneasy. I take my laptop and

walk out of the hospital room and into the empty

hallway. I sit on the floor beside the door to Mag-

gie’s room and reopen my laptop.

Me: The main thing I’ve appreciated about

our time together over the last couple of

months is the fact that we’ve been upfront

and consistent with each other. With that

being said, I don’t want you to leave with

the wrong idea about why I need you to

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move out. I don’t want you to think you

did anything wrong.

Sydney: I don’t need an explanation. I’ve

more than worn out my welcome, and you

have enough to stress about without

adding me into the mix. Warren found an

apartment for me this morning, but it isn’t

available for a few days. Is it okay if I

stay here until then?

Me: Of course. When I said I needed you

to move, I didn’t literally mean today. I

just meant soon. Before things become

too hard for me to continue to walk away.

Sydney: I’m sorry, Ridge. I didn’t mean

for any of this to happen.

I know she’s referring to the way we feel about

each other. I know exactly what she means, be-

cause I didn’t mean for it to happen, either. In

fact, I’ve done everything I could to stop it from

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happening, but somehow my heart never got the

message. If I know it wasn’t intentional on my

part, I know it wasn’t intentional on her part, so

she has nothing to apologize for.

Me: Why are you apologizing? Don’t apo-

logize. It’s not your fault, Sydney. Hell,

I’m not even sure it’s MY fault.

Sydney: Well, usually when something

goes wrong, someone is at fault.

Me: Things didn’t go wrong with us. That’s

our problem. Things are way too right

between us. We make sense. Everything

about you feels so right, but—

I pause for a few moments to gather my

thoughts, because I don’t want to say anything

I’ll regret. I inhale, then type out the best way to

describe how I feel about our entire situation.

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Me: There isn’t a doubt in my mind that

we could be perfect for each other’s life,

Sydney. It’s our lives that aren’t perfect

for us.

Several minutes pass without a response. I

don’t know if I crossed the line with my com-

ments, but however she’s reacting to them, I

needed to say what I had to say before I could let

her go. I’m beginning to close my laptop when

another message pops up from her.

Sydney: If there’s one thing I’ve learned

from this whole experience, it’s that my

ability to trust wasn’t completely broken

by Hunter and Tori like I initially thought.

You’ve always been upfront with me about

how you feel. We’ve never skirted around

the truth. If anything, we’ve worked to-

gether to find a way to change our course.

I want to thank you for that. Thank you so

much for showing me that guys like you

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actually exist, and not everyone is a

Hunter.

She somehow has a way of making me sound

so much more innocent than I actually am. I’m

not nearly as strong as she thinks I am.

Me:

Don’t

thank

me,

Sydney.

You

shouldn’t thank me, because I failed

miserably at trying not to fall in love with

you.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and

hit send. Saying what I’ve just said to her fills me

with more guilt than the night I kissed her. Words

can sometimes have a far greater effect on a heart

than a kiss.

Sydney: I failed first.

I read her last message, and the finality of our

imminent good-bye hits me full-force. I feel it in

every single part of me, and I’m shocked at the

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reaction I’m having to it. I lean my head against

the wall behind me and try to imagine my world

before Sydney entered it. It was a good world. A

consistent world. But then she came along and

shook my world upside down as if it were a fra-

gile, breakable snow globe. Now that she’s leav-

ing, it feels as if the snow is about to settle, and

my whole world will be upright and still and con-

sistent again. As much as that should make me

feel at ease, it actually terrifies me. I’m scared to death that I’ll never again feel any of the things I