Maybe Later(74)

From: E. Lancaster

To: J. Spearman

Subject: Casualties of love

Thursday, September 1st, 12:23 p.m.



Jackson,

Sometimes you can be your own casualty. I messed up a few months ago and hurt myself. Not sure if I hurt anyone else in the process. I believe we spoke about it briefly, didn’t we? It’s been so long I can’t recall what I told you.

I tried to keep it professional, but we crossed too many boundaries. Since we’re no longer working together, I think it’s okay to talk about your ex-girlfriend and my failed relationship.

Did you love this woman?

A friend of mine always says that it’s okay to hold onto the grief until you become stronger. Just don’t stay there forever. Personally, I’ve been grieving for too long. I miss my sister, but I finally stopped blaming myself for her death. I mourn the relationship I always wanted with my parents. Finally, I’ve come to understand that I can’t change them, or my relationship with them. I can only change myself and be happy with my future.

For the past few months, I traveled around, visited places I’ve wanted to go to and tried to close a few chapters of my life.

After nine years, I convinced myself to visit my parents. Mom is 71, and Dad just turned 79. They retired a couple of years ago. I was hoping they would accept me. I’m the only person they have left. The first thing my mother did was look at my left hand and say, “You’re not married yet, Emmeline?”

Owning one of the fastest growing companies in America didn’t interest them, since I’m not a lawyer with a bright future who can take over their firm. And you know what, I’m happy about who I became, what I do, and where I’m heading.

Relationships are messy, complicated, and scary. They can be painful if you don’t know how to treat them. I’ve never been in one until last spring. My only regret is that I wasn’t ready when I met him. He was intense, somehow, he knew me. I couldn’t recognize how much that scared me. He saw past my flaws, and because I didn’t understand what was happening, I shut him down.

Maybe it was about timing. Right place, wrong time. Things would be so different if we met today. Not that it matters, I bet he’s already dating someone more to his style.

Sorry about your girlfriend. You sounded excited about her, and in love.

Should you move on?

If she left you, I’m sure she doesn’t deserve you. I hope you understand that nothing that happened was your fault. You might be hot-headed, impatient, and demanding, but I know there’s a lot of good in you. There’s also the possibility that the breakup wasn’t about you, but her.

What if she wasn’t ready for you?

When I broke up with Jack, that’s his name, I made him believe that there was something better, someone who would understand me more than him. I wanted to live a fantasy within reality. That messed me up a lot, thinking that I was falling in love with two people left me feeling as if my heart was splitting into two.

Now, I’m letting some of the fantasy go and holding onto real things.

I rambled a lot, and I’m not sure if I was any help. My advice is to move on, but don’t forget her. You should remember her fondly. She was the first woman who helped you open yourself to the possibility of love.

I’ll send you some music for the Monday blues, via email. We can’t create an account for a chat, unless you convince Alistair.

Happy Monday!

Em





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From J. Spearman

To: E. Lancaster

Subject: Tuesday Blues

Tuesday, September 6th, 8:19 a.m.



Dear Friend,

Do you believe in perfect relationships? I don’t think they exist.

I’m sorry about your sister and that your parents won’t change. I can’t imagine life without mine. We don’t see each other daily, but I visit them at least twice a month. Within the past few months, my relationship with my family has shifted. I talk to my sisters more often than my brothers. Alex is moving to town, and my other brother has been living here since May.

Every relationship is complicated and you have to work for them—with your parents, your siblings, your friends, and even your partner. It’s all about work, honesty, and trust. Maybe that’s why my last relationship didn’t last. We had a good connection but lacked everything else.

You cannot let the magic go. If you do, your entire essence will disappear. You’re a magical being, because without even seeing you, you brighten my day. You change people, you give them hope and make them believe in themselves that there’s something beyond what they currently have. We need more people like you, so don’t let the magic go.



I think we should be friends.



Jackson



P. S. What are we doing for your birthday?





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From: E. Lancaster

To: J. Spearman

Subject: Friends

Tuesday, September 6th, 8:27 a.m.



I would love that!



E





Chapter Thirty-Nine





From: E. Lancaster

To: J. Spearman

Subject: I think I saw him yesterday.

Wednesday, September 7th, 11:06 a.m.