Maybe Later(53)

JSpear84: Friend or family?

AWalk90: Laura and Alistair are my best friends. He’s like a brother to me. I’ve known him since elementary school. They have a new baby and they’re the only family I have.



I recall the wedding picture of Laura and Alistair, along with little Simone. They’re the only people she talks about. As much as I want to keep distance between us, I can’t fight the need to help her.



JSpear84: I’m sorry to hear about your friends. What kind of work does he do?

AWalk90: He’s a computer geek. That’s how Laura describes it. Actually, he’s the guy who supports our websites and servers and make sure this chat works. He studied computer science at MIT.

JSpear84: Send me his resume.

AWalk90: No, don’t worry about it. I’ll find him something. It’s just taking me a little longer than usual. Sorry if I’m off the grid, but I’m making sure everything is done on time. I’d hate to upset you.

JSpear84: Since when do you care about upsetting me?

AWalk90: You like things done a certain way. It’s obvious I’m having someone help me at the moment.



I blink twice, and it all makes sense. She’s been absent. Everything that’s been done is with little to no interaction. She still doesn’t know about me. I decide to keep the chat going, even offer my help. Before I make any rash decisions, like saying goodbye, I want closure.



JSpear84: As I said, send me his resume. I thought you collected favors.

AWalk90: Yes, but on a client to client exchange. I never use them for my family or me.

JSpear84: So, you’ll be owing me a personal favor?

AWalk90: You’re insurable. What about tomorrow’s reservation?

JSpear84: Table for one at Rioja’s. I haven’t talked to her.

AWalk90: Why?

JSpear84: It’s complicated. I realized we’re not that compatible.

AWalk90: You’re not compatible, or shit got real?

JSpear84: Isn’t that the same?

AWalk90: I didn’t know the big bad wolf was afraid of something, like commitment. Come on, Jackson Spearman is not scared of anything. Give this a try. How bad can it be?



It is bad, Amy, because when you fuse your personality with Emmeline’s I can’t fucking think straight.



JSpear84: I’m coming out of an awful relationship, I wasn’t in love with her, but we hurt each other a lot. This woman could annihilate me.



I read the sentence twice. That’s not what I meant to say, is it? But after sending it, I realize it’s true. Amy has made me feel more than any other person. Even more, now that I realize she and Emmeline are the same person.



AWalk90: Maybe she could, but what if she doesn’t? What if she’s actually the person who saves you from living alone for the rest of your life?



There she goes trying to fix my life.

“Well, Amy, what if you’re the one who is supposed to fucking save me? You can’t because you’re not real. Emmeline scares the shit out of me. She dragged me into her little fantasy. A fuckin fairy tale I was tempted to actually create for her.



JSpear84: Save me from what?

AWalk90: Being alone for the rest of your life.

JSpear84: Are you alone, Amy?

AWalk90: Didn’t I just tell you about my best friends? They are my family. How can I be alone if I have them?

JSpear84: Are you afraid to accept that you’re just like me? On that note, I have a family too.

AWalk90: I wouldn’t be afraid to tell you if I were single.

JSpear84: Then you accept that you are lonely and avoiding feelings like I do.

AWalk90: What happened to my fiancé? Or was it a boyfriend? No, you said a husband. I’m happily married.



Sadly, you are as lonely as I am. Even worse, you’re waiting for some magical love that will never happen. And why the fuck do I feel a responsibility to make it a reality? Okay, so she can pretend to be two people. I can do the same. I crack my knuckles and type.



JSpear84: I think I’ve got your number. You are single and hiding behind the screen.

AWalk90: Now you’re talking about yourself, Spearman.

JSpear84: There’s no point in continuing this conversation.

AWalk90: You’re right.

AWalk90: Operation: Spearman-Tinder is on!

JSpear84: I don’t want a Tinder account!

AWalk90: It’s not about wanting anymore. It’s about needing.

JSpear84: What is it, you’re happy, and you have to make sure everyone around you is too?

AWalk90: No, you were happy and now you’re more…

AWalk90: On edge.

JSpear84: Let it go, the whole thing was fucking messy.

AWalk90: I can’t understand why you’re dumping the best thing that’s happened to you just because emotions are messy.

AWalk90: You’re overanalyzing my comments.

AWalk90: You were happy. What took away your spark?

AWalk90: Let’s take the bitch down!

JSpear84: Which bitch?



I stare at the screen confused, my fingers ready to type but I have no idea what else to tell her.



AWalk90: The one you were dating? Did she dump you? It’s okay, tell Amy what happened?