Loving Me, Trusting You(36)

It puts me into a violent rage. Yeah, sure, I didn't let Austin go without a fight, but I didn't feel like this … I never … came on him, that's for sure.

“You do the work and I'll forget to kick your ass later. How does that sound?” Gaine shoves into me with a grunt, slapping his body against mine with a splatter of hot water, soaking the tiled floor even more. I let him move inside of me the same way he did before. Same motion, different hole. I smile and then end up biting my lip so hard it bleeds when he increases his pace, going at me with the monstrous frenzy he held back before. Anal sex feels f*cking delicious, but you can't pummel an ass the way you can pummel a *, just wasn't built for it. This, this was designed to take a good beating. “Harder, you stupid, snatch sucking son of a slut.” Gaine slams into me and my elbows go weak, loosing my grip on the wall and dropping my face to the edge of the tub. My cheek hits the plastic surround with a grunt, but he doesn't slow. He moves faster and deeper, filling me up and making my insides tingle like they never have before.

If I was out to prove myself a point, I've just learnt the opposite.

Fuck.

“Stop!” I scream suddenly, and he does, just like that. Gaine knows my past, so he knows when to push and when to let go. This time, he backs off, sliding out of me and falling back on his ass in the tub.

I push myself to my feet and try not to let my past screw with my head, with my emotions. I need to know what this is and why it's there. It's just a little niggle at this point, but I feel like it could be more. That scares the crap out of me.

“Estoy perdiendo mi maldita mente. Me estoy volviendo loca. Esto no puede suceder. Me niego a dejar que esto suceda.” I stumble out of the shower, catching myself on the curtain and grab the towel that's hanging over a metal bar next to the door.

“What does that mean? Mireya?” Gaine stands up and fixes his pants, shoving his erect cock inside like it doesn't even matter. He comes after me, but it doesn't do him any good. Mireya Sawyer is an expert at running away.

When I open the door, I come face to face with Amy. She looks a little confused, but unconcerned.

“Are you alright?” she asks as I push past her, wishing with a tiny part of myself that I had that much innocence, that I could be that pure and simple. I feel like a twisted mass, a tainted piece of trouble that's better left alone. I open the door to the hallway before Gaine can even make it out of the bathroom and go running, sprinting down the hallway with dripping hair and no clothes, my * swollen and aching with desperation. It wants to be filled, caressed, teased. I need that release, and there's only one person I want it from. Gaine. The problem is, the more I'm with him, the more I want to be. The ache never seems to subside; it's always there, deep down, mocking me with something I can't have.

Love.

That's the worst four letter word in my book, and unfortunately, that f*cker is out of print.

I keep running and don't stop until I'm sliding down the wall in the stairwell with tears running down my cheeks again. No matter what I do lately, I can't seem to stop crying.





I know I can't leave Amy and Christy alone in the room, so I'm tickled f*cking pink when I find Beck in the hallway and grab him by the shoulder.

“Watch the girls for me?” I ask without an explanation. He looks at me with one red brow climbing towards his hairline, but he doesn't ask questions. He knows better than that. I've been doing this dance with Mireya for a long time now, and when it finally looks like it might pay off, that we might actually be able to come together for a waltz, she takes off running.

I follow the water spots on the carpet until I get to the door to the stairwell, pausing just outside to listen in. Sobs. I don't need to hear anything else.

I fling the door open so hard that it slams into the wall behind me and leaves a massive dent in the drywall. Fuck it though. They can bill me for all I care. I bend down next to Mireya's crumpled form and take her into my arms, feeling her stiffen as I fall back against the wall with her in my lap.

“Let go of me,” she commands, but it only lasts a moment and then she's falling apart the way I always thought she should. Sometimes, we have to break ourselves into pieces before we can be whole again. Otherwise, we're just a jumble of dented parts.

I kiss her hair and squeeze her so tight that my muscles strain against the sleeves of my shirt, threatening to rend them at the seams. She shouldn't be like this. She's strong, confident, powerful. This pain, this ache, this should've never been inflicted on a woman this perfect. I have never felt a stronger urge to kill than I do now. I want to find Bested by Crows and tear them apart, one by one.

I hold my woman in my arms and promise that I'll never let her go, even if I can't say it aloud. In my head, I run through it over and over again. I love you, and I'll protect you, whether you want me to or not. And it's not because she's a woman, it's simply because I love her. That's it, all there is to it.

“Leave me alone, Gaine. I have things figured out. I function a certain way. I can't do that with you harping and nagging all the damn time.” Mireya swipes her hand across her eyes angrily and glares at me, all of that fire and passion burning in her blood. I can feel her body like it's a brand, burning me and drawing welts along my skin. I want more, and my dick rises, poking against her ass like the f*cker he is. I don't push it though. I understand where she's been and what she can handle, and I never, ever want to overstep those boundaries.