Loving Me, Trusting You(31)

Words filter in through the curtain, and I'm fairly certain I hear Amy's voice asking about gas mileage or something else as equally unimportant. I get that she's trying to help me, I do. She's leaving me alone here, with Gaine, in a garage in the middle of nowhere. Maybe she's hoping I'll find myself? That I'll have some revelation or something the way she did, something so powerful that I'll drop everything and start fresh, leave my old life behind and find something new. Who the hell cares. Right now, I can't even think. All I'm worrying about is how long this pleasure is going to last before there's pain again, how far I'll go before the cycle of hurt starts anew.

I want to tell Gaine to step off and f*ck off, but I can't speak anymore. My orgasm is sneaking up on me, coming from places low, settling deep and getting ready to explode from within. I gasp, breaking away from Gaine's lips, letting my noises sift through the quiet air. From outside the room, the voices get louder and then quiet away again.

“Do you want me?” Gaine asks. The question is simple and complex. I don't like it. It scares the shit out of me.

“How so?” I manage to grind out, narrowing my eyes on him, listening to the slick slide of his fingers inside of me as he teases the life from my body and leaves me limp in his arms. The only comfort here is knowing that if I grabbed his dick in my hands, that he'd drop to his f*cking knees. “If you're asking if I want to f*ck then sure. Otherwise, you know the answer to that question.” Gaine frowns and pulls his hand away, pausing to spread his fingers apart and examine the shining wetness on his skin. I'm not ashamed. I fall back when he drops his arm, just a little and end up sitting on the ride I was admiring earlier, the one I'm going to buy, the only one in the store worth buying.

“You're stubborn as hell, you know that?” he asks and his voice wavers just enough that I catch a whole lot of Yank in his accent. Not that I'm complaining. I might've been born in Spain, but I've spent the majority of my life in the North, East and West, so it doesn't bother me. All of these Southern trimmings are nice, but I don't need them. He drops his hand and looks down at me, dark eyes sparkling. The stubble on his face fills with shadows and gives him a darker, more masculine look. He seems older then, with the light absent from his youthful face. I'm not sure if I like it or not. I look down at the ground and then back up at him, rising to my feet, so that the toes of my boots brush his. My fingers grasp the waistband of my pants and push them down around my feet, crumpling them around my ankles like chains. But here's the thing: I don't mind. I'm not afraid of Gaine. I don't have to be worried that he's going to strip my womanhood away from me and leave me barren. Not that I couldn't take him, but it's nice to know that he wouldn't even try.

I turn around and bend over, letting my fingers touch the cold, white wall with its dirt stains and oil spots, letting my ass stick out, brushing it against the stiff bulge in his jeans.

“You started this, now finish it,” I tell him, letting my belly rest against the motorcycle. It props me up, holds me still and sturdy, like it's always done in one form or another. Riding is my life. I don't have to have anyone or anything else. “Fuck me.”

No arguments from behind. I hear Gaine slide his zipper down and arch my back when his hands touch my bare hips. A condom wrapper falls to the floor by my feet as I wait fully exposed and wanting, the touch of the air conditioner on my bare parts making me shiver.

“Do it in the ass,” I tell him, gritting my teeth, wishing for that slight edge of pleasure and pain. It's not like I'm new to it, but it'll still hurt, just a little. Gaine though, he knows how I like it. That's why I prefer the same lovers over and over again. Casual sex is fun, but this is better. I don't even think about missing Austin.

“You like to live hard and ride dirty, don't you, babe?” he asks before sliding his fingers into his mouth and then slicking them across my opening, warming me up. I don't need it or want it. I just want to f*ck fast and frenzied.

“Do it. Now.”

Gaine doesn't hesitate.

Wrapping his fingers around my hips, he presses his cock against me and slides in hard, shaking the motorcycle in a clink of metal. I grit my teeth and relish the feeling of being whole, of wrapping him so tight that there could no doubt in anyone's mind that in this moment, he belongs to me. Like I care about that? That's the last, negative thought I manage to get out before I'm overwhelmed with pleasure, riding a sting of sharpness, opening up and accepting him fully. My nails curl against the wall and the muscles in my stomach contract as I hold back a joyous scream, swallow it into my throat and pray to whatever f*cking god will listen that nobody walks in on us.

Gaine rides behind me, holding me so tight I'm almost positive that there'll be marks tomorrow, and f*cking me so furious that I know I'm going to be sore. But it's worth it. Oh so f*cking worth it.

“Faster,” I growl at him, listening to the rattle of metal below us, imagining the road stretched out before me as Gaine's cock penetrates me deep and teases that sensitive line of flesh that separates him from my *. He grinds against it so hard, it's like he's trying to break through and pleasure both parts of me at once, slamming his hips against my ass with the sweet sound of pounding sweat soaked skin and a low, growling moan vibrating in his throat.

I toss my hair back and close my eyes, wishing we were in a bed or something, somewhere that we could let loose and scream and wrestle and grind and writhe for hours on end. Unfortunately though, it can't last. All good things must come to an end, and bad things last forever. While Gaine's body feels good now, while his feelings might be strong, they'll fade. One day, he'll realize I'm not the one and move on, and I'll be left feeling even more alone than I was before. But my nightmares, those remain. They stay behind and they torture me, year after year after year.