Love in the Light (Hearts in Darkness, #2)(55)
He was to her in an instant, his body folding over her, his forehead settling against hers. “I’m sorry, Makenna. I’m so f*cking sorry,” he said.
Makenna shook her head as her mind struggled to process his words. “It wasn’t your fault,” she said. “I was just glad you were there. I was praying for it, actually, so hard. When you showed up, I wasn’t sure whether to believe you were real.”
Caden reached behind him and dragged a chair as close to her bedside as he could. He sat heavily and cradled her hand against his big chest. “I’m not talking about the accident,” he said, dark eyes blazing. “I’m talking about how I left you, how I shut you out, how I lost myself and didn’t know how to own up to it with you.” He swallowed thickly, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat. “I’m talking about making you go through finding out you were pregnant all by yourself, making you worry for even a second that you would have to raise a child by yourself.” He shook his head, and she’d never seen his expression more earnest.
Relief flooded through her that he’d accepted the idea of the baby so readily, and that he seemed to want to be involved. Which meant that her little one wouldn’t have to grow up with only one parent as Makenna had, after all.
“Do you remember what I said after they pulled you from the car?” he asked, his eyes on fire with an intensity that reached inside her chest and just…owned her.
But Makenna couldn’t remember anything after the scare of her car door screeching open. They’d cut her loose from the seat belt, and then… It was all a blur. “No,” she whispered. “What did you say?” Her heart tripped into a sprint because the moment felt weighted with a significance she didn’t understand and didn’t want to read too much into. She wouldn’t be able to withstand the disappointment and heartache. Not after the scares this night had entailed.
“I said…I said that I love you, Makenna. I said—”
“Because of the baby,” she threw out, fear getting the best of her. But she had to know.
“Yes, because of the baby—”
“Caden—”
“Makenna, I’ve been in love with you since the night we met. I’m as sure of that as I am that I let my family’s accident dictate my life in ways I wasn’t even aware of—until I totally crashed and burned. I love you so much if feels like a part of me is gone when we’re not together. I love you because you’re beautiful and kind and smart and funny. Because you accepted me when I didn’t even accept myself. Because your heart is more filled with empathy and understanding than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t make any sense without you. Not anymore. Because you’re in me, and I want you there. I want you there forever. You and the baby. Our baby.”
“You…you love me?” she asked, trying the words out as emotion ballooned inside her chest. “Then why…why?” Awkwardly, she tried to scrub away the tears from her face, but the bandages on one hand and the IV in the back of the other made it nearly impossible.
Caden grasped a tissue from the box on the rolling tray, and then he leaned in and dried her tears for her. It was such a ridiculously tender gesture that Makenna sucked in a breath.
“Why did you walk away?” she asked again.
With a heavy sigh, Caden sat back down and took her hand again. He pressed a lingering kiss to her knuckles, the little caring gestures lending credence to his words. “The short answer is that I lost myself, I let myself spiral until I couldn’t control it, and then I became clinically depressed.”
“Oh, Caden,” she said, the knowledge that he’d been hurting so badly cutting right through her.
He shook his head. “I’m better now, so don’t worry. I’ve been working on getting myself back on track for months. And I am better, Red, I need you to know that. Better than I’ve ever been since the accident.” Another kiss to her knuckles. “I let a lot of things chip away at my confidence until I’d convinced myself I didn’t deserve you—”
“I don’t love Cameron, Caden. I don’t want him. And I want you to know I’ve asked him never to contact me again,” she rushed out.
“I know you don’t love him. I know you were honest and sincere in everything you said to me. Problem was, I couldn’t hear what you were saying, or I couldn’t let myself believe it. I don’t know. And that’s another thing I should apologize for,” he said, lips pressing into a hard line. “That I let my lack of faith in myself affect the faith I had in you. And I f*cking hate that I did that. Because you did nothing to warrant it. It was all my own bullshit. But that realization was why I was waiting to come back to you, to come back and ask for a second chance. I wanted to come back to you whole. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be confident I wouldn’t make the same mistakes all over again. I couldn’t do that to you.”
“And are you all those things now?” she asked, hope and pride rising up inside her. Because there was something in the light in his eyes and the strength of his words that had already answered the question.
“Yes,” he said, nodding, his gaze burning into hers. “For the first time, yes. I had been planning to see you this weekend, even before you stopped by the station Wednesday night.” He gave a little shrug. “You showing up felt like a sign. That it was time. And that I was ready.”