Love Online(27)

“Okay,” I said, leading Ollie by the hand.

We walked over to Ryder’s car. It was really nice for what I assumed to be a rental.

Before he started the engine, Ryder paused and looked at me. I could practically hear all of the silent questions in his head.

With Ollie here, I knew he wasn’t going to get into it too much with me. That gave me some time to think about how I was going to explain everything.

As we drove along, I directed him. “You just take your first left up there. We’re gonna be the last house on the right.”

Ryder parked in our driveway, then followed me into the house as Ollie held my hand. I didn’t always have to hold onto my brother. Despite the fact that he couldn’t see, he knew his way into the house pretty well, but given his recent injury, I was being extra cautious. Even though the doctors had confirmed that nothing happened to his brain when he fell, I was still paranoid.

I watched as Ollie walked to his room. He was safe in there because I kept it pretty empty, nothing sharp or anything that could potentially harm him. He always got a little time after school to veg out before he had to do his homework.

When he was safely out of earshot, I just started talking so Ryder didn’t have to initiate the conversation.

“I’ve been taking care of him ever since my mother died. We don’t have the same father. Ollie’s dad was a young tourist my mother had a fling with over a decade ago. He was her midlife crisis. The guy left to go back to Costa Rica before Mom found out she was pregnant. He didn’t want anything to do with Ollie when she told him, so his dad has never been in his life.”

Ryder took a few steps toward me. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this? Did you think it would matter to me?”

“No,” I insisted. “I’m not ashamed of my brother. I want to make that very clear. And it’s not that I thought you would judge me for having to take care of him. But what good would telling you have done? It would have completely ruined whatever fantasy you had in your head about my ability to be what first attracted you to me—that carefree girl. My life is not that way, Ryder. Ollie is my entire life. The camming happens at night because that’s when he’s sleeping. He obviously doesn’t know about it, doesn’t know that’s how I support us.” I sucked in a breath. “And the past couple of days, you didn’t hear from me because he fell and hit his head the one moment I wasn’t paying attention to him. I took him to the emergency room. He needed stitches and some neurological testing. He’s fine, but I freaked out a little because I thought it was going to be more serious than it was. I blamed myself. That type of thing is my reality. I can’t ever travel or move to California or be the type of girl a man like you needs. Ollie’s school is here, as is the house he’s familiar with. Everything he needs is here.

I took a deep breath. “But I couldn’t come out and tell you what my life is really like because I didn’t want to lose the fantasy we had either. Somehow it seemed not telling you would prolong everything.”

Ryder looked down at the ground. He was clearly trying to process what I’d just thrown at him. His voice was low. “I get it. And I can’t begin to imagine what your life is like.”

“Those stitches on his head? That’s my reality.” I pointed over to the corner of my kitchen. “That sink full of dishes? That’s my reality. That spot up there from the leaky ceiling? That’s my reality—and it’s not pretty, Ryder.”

“No, it’s not.” He moved in and wrapped both of his hands around my cheeks. “It’s beautiful,” he whispered. “So beautiful. So different from anything I ever imagined. And I’d imagined some ominous things, Eden. Fucked-up things. But I still wanted to meet you. Nothing could take that need away.”

He kept his hands around my face, and I shut my eyes to relish how good it felt to be touched by him. When I opened them, he was looking at me so intensely it gave me chills. His face had inched closer to mine when Ollie’s voice interrupted, causing me to flinch.

“Can I have a Fruit Roll-Up, Eden?”

My breathing was heavy as I came down from the anticipation of a kiss that didn’t happen.

“Hang on,” I yelled over before walking to the closet to grab him a snack. Still so on edge, I fumbled with the box before opening the packaging and bringing the Roll-Up to his room.

When I came back, Ryder was still standing there, looking so tall and handsome with his hands in his pockets. I didn’t know what to do with him. His presence was overpowering. It was so surreal to have him here in my little kitchen.

“How could I not have seen through it?” he said. “How could I not know that you’re struggling? Am I that blind?” He looked down at his feet and swore under his breath. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to use that term.” He looked distraught.

I smiled. “It’s okay. Ollie and I aren’t sensitive.”

He reached his hand out for mine.

I took it and looped my fingers through his. “I never feel like I’m struggling when I’m spending time with you. You’ve been my escape. You say you should’ve sensed something, but you couldn’t have seen through anything because I’m so happy when I’m around you—albeit virtually.” I squeezed his hand. “And I’m really sorry for worrying you when I was MIA. I just lost it when he got hurt and really fell into a depression.”