Love Online(32)

She looked pained. “Believe me, it’s the last thing I want to do tonight.”

It hurt me that she felt forced into it in any way.

“How about this? Why don’t I go to the hotel and let you work. Then tomorrow night, in the early evening, I’ll come back and take you and Ollie out to dinner before you have to start camming.”

Her expression brightened. “That would be awesome.”

“Is there any place in particular he likes to go? I don’t know the area.”

“Yes. There’s this steakhouse that’s cafeteria-style. You can pick what you want from a line-up of choices. He likes to be able to smell the different options before making a decision, since he can’t see what they look like. He loves it. It’s called York’s.”

“No-brainer then. That’s where we’ll go.”

A long moment of silence passed as we looked into each other’s eyes. Being here still felt so surreal. She looked like she wanted to tell me something.

“I know Ollie mentioned Ethan,” she finally said. “He moved to New York.”

“I see. You never mentioned him.”

“I know.” She paused. “He’s one of the reasons I’m very reluctant to get attached to anyone. He got a job there and wanted me to move. I told him I wasn’t willing to uproot Ollie. My brother loves his school, and it really is the right fit for him. Ethan had to decide whether to take the job or stay in Utah with us, and he chose the job. That’s really all there is to that story.”

I nodded. No wonder she was so hesitant about taking things further with me.

“You were with him for how long?”

“A couple of years. He walked into Ellerby’s one day. That’s how I met him.”

“Have you dated anyone since?”

“No. Not a single person in the two years since we’ve broken up.”

“So, you haven’t been with anyone?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“That’s a long time.” I examined her face and could see the scars written all over it. “He really hurt you, didn’t he?”

She took a deep breath. “The breakup with Ethan was my first real heartbreak. We were together for a year and a half. He made me feel protected, although I never expected him to want to take on everything that came along with me. You know? It just sucks when you care about someone, and they don’t choose you. At the same time, I totally understand why he left.”

I felt a tightening in my chest and couldn’t figure out if it was jealousy or anger at him for hurting her and making her think he’d made the right choice by leaving.

“So, you weren’t camming back then, when you were with him?”

“No. Not yet.” She laughed. “He has no clue what I’ve gotten myself into. I haven’t spoken to him in a long time. Sometimes I laugh, thinking about him accidentally finding me.”

“That would serve the fucker right.”

She laughed and looked over at the clock. “Crap. I need to get Ollie to bed and start getting ready. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t want to leave her, but I needed to let her work.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m gonna catch up on some work emails and get some sleep. I haven’t slept for shit the past couple of days.”

“Because you were worried about me. That’s my fault.”

“It’s not—and you know what? I wouldn’t change a damn thing about what it took to get me here to see you.”

Her mouth curved into a smile. “I wouldn’t either.”

I began walking toward the door. My heart pounded because I really wanted to kiss her goodnight. I hadn’t felt this way since I was fourteen on my very first date, such anxious anticipation. But I wasn’t sure whether it was okay to kiss her for a number of reasons. One, I didn’t know if she wanted me to. Two, I suspected it would be like a drug—once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop and would want to do much more than kiss her. Three, I had to really think about whether whatever was happening with us extended into “real life.” Suppose I kissed her…then what? We have a week of fucking around and then I leave? A kiss was a kiss…but with Eden, it would mean so much more. I needed to be careful.

She stood in the entrance as I stepped outside.

With my hands in my pockets, I said, “I’ll come by around five tomorrow. Does that work?”

“That’s perfect.”

Eden leaned against the door, staring at me like she was still in awe of my being here. I reached for her hand and kissed it firmly, letting my lips linger on her skin longer than normal. That was my compromise.

After I got back to the hotel, I told myself I wasn’t going to log in to her show. But curiosity got the best of me. I happened to catch it right at the point where she had taken her top off. It was just as hard to watch as I thought it might be. In fact, it was more difficult than ever.

Her nails were painted red. They hadn’t been that color earlier. My heart started to palpitate as I fixated on her hands massaging her breasts and imagined her digging them into my skin…or someone else’s. I hadn’t watched her show in a while for this very reason—I couldn’t handle the idea of other men ogling her anymore.

That was pretty damn ironic, considering how we’d met.