Lost in Paradise (Paradise Club #2)(27)

Alex: Don’t think, just feel. Have fun and enjoy. I’ll still be here. You can’t scare me away that easily.

How the hell is this man real?

Alex: Let’s meet up later tonight.

Ivy: Okay, sounds good. What should I wear?

Alex: Doesn’t matter you’re not going to be in it for long.

Oh my god, it’s gotten hot in here.

Alex: Enjoy your massage and I’ll see you later

Ivy: You too.

Thirty minutes later there’s a knock on my door, so I stride over and open it.

“Morning, Miss Starr,” Granger says happily. “You ready for your massage this morning?” he asks, his eyes dipping down to my silk robe which has fallen open and exposed my cleavage a little more than I realized. But judging by his heated stare, he likes what he sees. “Let me introduce you to Kostas. He will be joining us this morning.”

Nerves hit me instantly when I notice the large man standing behind Granger. The man is stunning—tall, dark, handsome. The deepest, darkest brown eyes that look like pools of cocoa that you wouldn’t mind bathing in. The white polo is bright against his tanned skin and looks like it could disintegrate at any moment with how tight it is pulled across his taut chest. He looks like a giant. Granger is huge, but this man is even bigger. How the hell am I going to be able to take these two men? Hesitation begins to filter through me. Maybe I’m asking for too much. Fantasies like these maybe should stay inside your head.

“We’re going to go and set up. You sit back, relax while you wait,” Granger explains, giving me a reassuring wink as they walk through my room and busy themselves with their setup.

I grab my phone and busily text my sister. She’s the only one who can talk me down from this panic attack that seems to be brewing.

Ivy: I just ordered two men for a special massage and I’m freaking the fuck out.

Camryn: Hell, yeah, you dirty bitch.

Camryn: You better be riding those two stallions like you’re the rodeo queen of Tennessee, or I will personally come to your room and slap you.

Okay, she most certainly is the wrong person to text.

Ivy: This isn’t me. I don’t do these things.

Camryn: How do you know? You’ve never done them before.

She does have a point.

Camryn: You know I would never force you to do anything. But I’m proud of you for making such huge steps here. You’ve pushed yourself out of your comfort zone so much, but you don’t have to keep going if you don’t feel comfortable.

Camryn: Unless you don’t feel comfortable because of a certain Lewis brother?

Ivy: No. Alex told me I should do it. He’s kind of been a big cheerleader for me to try things.

Camryn: Really?

Ivy: Yeah. He said that what happens on the island stays on the island.

Camryn: This is true. It’s the whole point of the island.

Camryn: If he’s not affected over you having fun while still having fun with you, then you are living the dream, sis.

Camryn: Nate’s the same, he gets off on me experiencing his resort.

Ivy: Ew, didn’t need to know that.

Ivy: You think that’s what it is?

Camryn: Maybe. You are always in your head, Ivy. You’re always in control, and this is the one place you don’t have to be. That you can give up that control to a stranger and know you are safe. Trust me.

Ivy: Is that what you’re doing with Nate?

Camryn: Yes.

My sister has control issues just like me from our childhood of being shuffled around Europe depending on who our mother was married to at the time. We lived in France, Spain, Italy, England, Germany, Greece, and Switzerland, and we never stayed long enough to set up a home.

Not all of our mother’s husbands sucked, some were good to us, sending us to boarding school, which gave us some stability, but of course, when she divorced that one, we were moved again until she found the next.

Having our childhoods out of our control led to Camryn and I having control issues. Unfortunately for me, mine manifested into an eating disorder while Cam’s turned into partying. Thank goodness one of our mother’s husbands was a doctor and saw the signs early. He sent me away to a clinic in Switzerland to get better, and thankfully, they got me before the disease could really dig its talons into me. It’s still a struggle every day, trying to stop controlling what I eat, but in times of stress, I notice it pop back up again. I had a relapse while dating Steve. The continuous jabs over not being skinny enough triggered the disease, but thankfully my sister had come back to England for Christmas vacation and saw what I was doing. She had been living in the States and didn’t see me as much as she would have liked, and I, of course, masked it well.

That was the beginning of the end between Steve and me when Camryn and Olivia held an intervention. They got me away from Steve’s control and made me realize I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. That Steve was a narcissist, that he would continually cheat on me, then gaslight me or blame me for making him do it.

They overheard him on New Year’s Eve night when he didn’t realize they were there. They heard the way he spoke to me, put me down, and made me go change my clothes because he thought I looked like a whore in the dress I had chosen to celebrate the new year.

Before midnight, the girls got me away. They had packed my bags and had organized transport for us in the middle of a snowstorm as we were celebrating at Steve’s family’s country estate. We piled in, and they ushered me back to London as quickly as they could. When we arrived back at Olivia’s apartment, we celebrated the new year together there.