Life In Reverse(83)

“Listen. I know I f*cked up… and I know I can’t turn back time. But… maybe we can be friends. I’m not going to lie. I want you in my life and I’ll do anything to make it right.” He chews on the corner of his lip then lets it go. “I also have a confession to make. I saw you at Blue Monday a while back. Chris and I, and a couple of guys play there twice a week. You were with someone.” He glances down at my ring finger then back up to me. “Are you in love with him?”

“I think it’s my question,” I counter. “That was months ago.” I shake my head, disbelieving. “How come you didn’t approach me?”

His shoulders lift and fall on a heavy sigh. “For the same reason you didn’t come up to me a few years ago. I didn’t think you’d want to see me. Not to mention, you weren’t alone.” His eyes zero in on mine again. “So are you… in love with him?”

Not enough space exists for me to take a breath without inhaling every inch of him. I feel like a balloon about to pop. “Vance… I need to go.”

“Okay.” He lowers his head, hands sliding into the pockets of his jeans. “Can I… call you sometime? Maybe we can hang out or something?”

Exhaustion wears me down and I let out a halfhearted response. “Maybe.”

“Maybe, I’ll take.” More words start to form on his lips but then he seems to change his mind. His eyes dart to a spot past my shoulder. “Can I walk you somewhere?”

I hike my purse higher on my arm. “No, I’m good. Thanks.” Awkwardness eats up the moment and I fill it. I don’t know what else to do. “I’ll see ya, okay.”

“Yeah,” he whispers now. “See ya.”

Only a few steps away, I pause. Then I turn around and walk back to where Vance is still standing. Unable to look at him, I stare at his chest. “It really hurt me when you left without a word. I thought… well, it doesn’t matter what I thought, because it’s in the past.” My gaze climbs to his face. “But… I can’t let you hurt me again.”

“Ember, I’m—”

“You don’t have to say anything,” I interject, and he nods in defeat. “I just needed you to know that.”

I race out of the diner, not wanting to break down in front of Vance. But it starts anyway. A messy onslaught of tears forging a path down my skin. I can’t seem to control it. Nor can I control the way my heart beats out of my chest being anywhere near him. Unfortunately, I also can’t control the fear coiling tight around me until I’m dizzy with it, making my feelings take a back seat.

Still, I don’t know what to do with all this emotion. I’m drowning in thoughts of Vance and me. Of what we had. Of what we could have. But the apprehension steps in and crushes that to little bits. And then there’s Grant. None of this is fair to him. I’ve tried so hard, and the reality is that Vance stepping back into my life, regardless of what happens between us, makes me realize that Grant is not my future.

The only thing my future holds now, is a spoon and a half-gallon of ice cream—and I’m not sure even that can cure what ails me.





I HATE THE number four. Four f*cking days. Four f*cking long nights filled with shitty sleep. An endless barrage of the pain on Ember’s face, the hurt in her eyes. It was like a living, breathing thing filling the space between us.

The damage I inflicted has become a physical ache. It starts in the pit of my stomach and travels up through my chest. And yet, something else overpowers that. The way my heart grew too big for my insides when I laid eyes on her. How seeing her smile calmed me. It made me feel like myself again. I don’t know how she does that—how everything can be so dark and then she comes along and opens up the sky—as if it’s effortless.

She is the most beautiful girl in this whole f*cking city. Shit, in this world. And as much as she tried to keep me at bay, she also gave me a flicker of hope. It was there in the way she responded to my touch. It was in her gaze, the way her eyes roamed my face. I know, because I felt it too.

“Rise and shine, c-cupcake.” Chris flings open the door, grinning a little too happy for my liking.

“I’d have to have slept to rise.” I groan. “What’s going on?”

“What’s going on,” he chuckles, “is that you promised a certain someone that you would take him to a toy store, and my mom just c-called and said he’s ready to collect.”

I squint against the bright sunshine, rubbing the lack of sleep from my eyes. “Today?”

“Yep. Today’s your lucky day. He doesn’t have preschool and you have the day off. What could be better than Riley and Toys ‘R’ Us? Besides, you have to do it s-soon anyway, because that Times Square store is closing.”

I push myself up to a sitting position and glance around the room. “Actually,” I grin, “that sounds like a fantastic idea. Wanna come with?”

He takes one look at my face and narrows his dark brown eyes. “What are you planning?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah,” he huffs. “And why does that worry me?”

I toss him a wink. “Hand me my cell, will ya?” Chris throws my phone on the bed and walks out of the room, his back shaking with silent laughter.