Life In Reverse(79)

MY EYES DART between my phone and the subway car, the back and forth motion making me dizzy. I’ve been riding this f*cking train every day for a week, hoping to see Ember again. I stare at my cell, wanting to throw the damn thing out the window because it’s not doing what I need it to.

“Vance. That thing is going to explode if you stare at it any longer.” Chris shoves a piece of doughnut in his mouth, grinning. “Seriously, you n-need to chill out. You’re driving yourself insane over this girl.”

I frown at the package of Twinkies Chris bought me. Even they don’t hold any appeal. “She’s worth a bit of insanity.” My gaze travels to the window. “It’s been a whole week and, I don’t know. I guess… I thought she would at least call me. I just want a chance to explain. To apologize… to—”

“Grovel,” he chimes in, and somehow I manage a laugh.

“Yeah, that too.”

He brushes a sugar-coated hand on his pants. “Listen. You push people away. I know because you did it to m-me. But it wasn’t done out of malice. You’re not a selfish person Vance, and you didn’t do it to hurt me. You were just scared and angry. And in this case you had just witnessed….” Chris’s voice tapers off. “She’ll understand that.” His skinny hand latches onto my shoulder and he pulls me in close. “I forgave you, didn’t I?”

I lean away from him, gripping the ends of my hair. “I didn’t break your f*cking heart.”

He slaps a hand over his chest. “Oh yeah, who s-says?”

I laugh at his expression and his lame attempt at being serious. “Shut the f*ck up.” He snickers, his grin returning as he finishes off the doughnut. Powdered sugar settles on the fabric of his dress pants. “You shouldn’t eat those before we see a client,” I scold, and he glares at the package on my lap.

“Says the Twinkie King. Hey,” he nudges me with his elbow, “remember that t-time in fifth grade when your mom found three packs of Twinkie’s hidden under your mattress?”

I snort, my mother’s wide blue eyes and pursed lips still in the forefront of my mind. “Yes, I remember. The smashed Twinkies.”

“She was so mad,” he recalls, and a sigh gets trapped in my throat. “Especially because one of the packages was open, and the cream filling leaked onto the c-carpet.” We both crack up, our conversation interrupted by the sign indicating our stop as we hurry to exit the train.

The ring of my cell phone cuts off all laughter. Startled and anxious, I nearly drop the darn thing on the ground once we reach street level. Ignoring Chris’s chuckles of amusement, I unlock the screen and hold the phone tightly to my ear. “Hello?”

“Greetings from California!” Julian sings, and disappointment festers in my stomach.

“Oh. Hey, Julian.”

“Geez, don’t sound so excited to hear from your brother.” He cackles, the sound of waves crashing against the shore in the distance.

“Let me guess. You’re at the beach?”

“Have I shared with you how much I miss your sarcasm, little brother? And yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I’ve finally mastered the whole surfing thing.” He sighs into the phone. “I know I keep saying this. But you should‘ve chosen Cali, Vance. It’s really awesome out here.”

“Charming your way through Southern California, are you?” Chris smirks next to me and I add, “Speaking of charming, we’re on the streets of New York as we speak.”

“Oh yeah? And how are things in The Big Apple?”

My chest constricts but I shrug it off. “Good. Busy.” Chris mutters Ember’s name in the background and I put a finger to my lips to shush him. “Technology never sleeps.”

“So… anything else new?”

“Julian,” I reply, unable to hide my frustration. “I just spoke to you last week. Not much has changed.” Chris tilts his head, tossing me a look I disregard. “I’ve been too busy, anyway.”

“Okay. Cut the crap, Vance. What’s going on? And don’t say nothing because I can hear it in your voice.” I huff out a loud breath. “See, I knew it. Are you feeling okay? What is it?”

“I… ran into Ember on the subway,” I confess, and he’s quiet for so long I almost think he hung up. “Julian?”

“Please tell me that you got down on your hands and knees and begged for her forgiveness. Because you are insane if you let her go again.”

I picture the dude in the bar and my throat tenses. I clear it and go on. “She’s with someone now, Julian.”

“Is she married?” he probes, and I should have kept my mouth closed. I already know his opinion on my actions three years ago and the fact that I didn’t want contact with anyone, including him at the time.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I suggest—”

“Julian,” I interrupt, because I can’t talk about this right now, given that she hasn’t called me. “Thanks, okay. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. It’s just that… the ball is kind of in her court now so I have to wait it out.”

“In other words, get off your back,” he jibes.

“Basically.”