Letters to Nowhere(44)

“Nine point one,” he said right away.

When we pulled up to the house, the fun teasing expression dissolved from his face. “I shouldn’t have asked what you were talking about. It’s none of my business. I’m sorry.”

Since part–truths had become my favorite pastime, I decided to use that method yet again. “We were talking about you. Mostly, the difference between you and me, socially. Jackie’s really into goal setting and she wants me to set a few non–gymnastics goals, and I completely blanked on her and couldn’t come up with any. She suggested something normal for you or other people like you, but maybe not for me.”

He turned the music all the way down and cranked up the heat, like he was totally comfortable sitting in the car with me while parked in front of his home. “Like going to a high school dance? Or a football game?”

“She’s really big on it being something that other people can’t control. I don’t have a prom to go to and it’s not football season, is it?”

Jordan shook his head.

I took a deep breath, ready to attack a goal I’d literally just created in my head. “Can I ask you something really personal? Please don’t answer it if you don’t want to. It’s none of my business, but I just want to know because—”

“Karen.” He stared at me. “Just ask.”

“Have you…you know…” More fingernail chewing. “Had sex?”

He watched me biting my index fingernail. “Yeah.”

I leaned my head against the seat, relieved he didn’t sound angry. “What was it like?”

He laughed a little and rested his forehead on the steering wheel. “Quick.”

“That’s it?”

“Awkward, unromantic, inept, gauche—”

“Okay, I get it. Enough with the SAT vocab lesson,” I laughed. “But did you feel like you knew so much more about it after? Like you’d jumped this giant hurdle and sex wasn’t a big unknown anymore?”

“I guess so, but that didn’t make me any more confident.”

“Confidence comes with practice,” I recited, and then quickly realized the insinuations of using that line with this particular subject matter. “I didn’t mean that. I don’t mean that.” My face flamed.

Jordan flashed me a dimple–filled smile. “It’s only true if you’re practicing with the same person all the time. Just because you’ve done it with someone, doesn’t mean you’re not nervous with someone else. It’s like starting over.”

“There’s been more than one person?”

He laughed again. “Two persons.”

“I’m sorry. You didn’t have to answer that.”

“You can ask me anything you want, Karen.” He straightened up and finally took the keys out of the ignition. “But it’s different for me. I’m a guy. You might not want just my perspective. Maybe find a second person to ask. A lot of girls our age are not having sex. Even some of the girls I know from school that have boyfriends and have been with them for months. And trust me, I’m getting the details from the guys, not the girls, which means whatever they say they’re doing is already blown up by fifty percent.”

“That’s good to know,” I said, keeping my face totally dead serious. “And I was just going to ask if you wanted to do that friends–with–benefits–thing, but you’re right, I should probably wait.”

I jumped out of the car and headed for the front door.

“I think you still have that fever.” Jordan jogged up beside me, laughing. “My friend Tony’s coming over in a few minutes. We’re going sledding again, if you want to come?” Jordan asked as we stomped snow off our boots inside the foyer.

“I would love to, but I’m starving and have three pounds to gain back after the flu–from–hell.” I was already on my way to the kitchen the second my coat was hung up, and Jordan followed right behind me. “And then I’ve got homework and Stevie’s picking me up in a little while. Ally wants both of us to come in an hour before practice for some physical therapy.”

I removed a single–portion sized container of leftover chicken soup from the fridge and popped it in the microwave. Jordan opened a drawer and handed me a spoon. “How was practice this morning?”

“Awesome. I did five beam routines with a tucked back full. Stacey said I might be able to compete the new routine in Chicago.”

Jordan grinned and lifted his hand for a high five—’cause we’re just friends. “When do I get to see your new release move on uneven bars?”

“If everything goes as planned, you could see it during Friday evening’s practice, if you want.”

“I’ll be there.”

The doorbell rang, and before Jordan could even answer it, Tony was trampling through the house and into the kitchen.

I stood there holding my container of soup, not sure what to say, but both guys laughed when they realized I looked a little disgruntled.

“It’s all right,” Jordan said. “Tony knows you live here. And that you’re not a freshman at our school.”

For a big giant ogre guy, Tony had a very friendly smile. I leaned against the counter, taking a few bites of soup.