Letters to Nowhere(41)

“Huh?” His eyes had drifted shut again, and he tried and failed to pull them open.

“I’m sorry you’re sick.”

A smile spread across his sleepy face and he squeezed my hand. “I’m not.”


February 17

Jordan,




I have a crush on you. And I really don’t know what to do about it.




—Karen




Stacey,




You are a great mom. Olivia is lucky to have you.




—Karen





CHAPTER TWELVE





Assignment #2 For Jackie—Karen Campbell’s Long–Term Goals




Plan A:



Maintain my skills from previous competitive season, keep up with physical therapy and stay injury free

Move to LA in June and start training with UCLA’s team and my longtime coach, Jim Cordes

Win all–around at NCAA gymnastics championship and help the team to a victory at least one of my four seasons there

Get my degree in public relations or kinesiology or maybe recreational management





Plan B:



Impress the committee at the March training camp so that Nina Jones will name me to the Pan American team that will go to Brazil at the end of May

Place in the top 10 at Senior National Championships in August

Place in the top 8 at World trials in September so I’m chosen for the selection camp

Convince the National Committee to choose me for the World Championship team in October

Represent USA in my first ever World Championships in Spain, in October

Maintain my skills after Worlds and continue training for the new season in LA and move into the dorms at UCLA, where I will compete college gymnastics under the direction of Jim Cordes, my childhood coach, if they will still accept me a few months late





Plan C:



Some combination of Plan A and B





***

It took me three full days off gymnastics before I was well enough to practice again. Coach Bentley insisted that the fever had to be gone before I returned to the gym. By the time I saw Jackie again, we had missed a full week of therapy (girl talk) together. I knew after what had happened in Houston, I needed to get her to help me with the panic attacks, but I wasn’t sure how to dive right into Mom and Dad when I’d avoided the subject with her for so long.

“Jim Cordes was your coach before Coach Bentley?” Jackie asked me after reading the goals I’d written for my last assignment with her. It felt like an eternity since I’d jotted those down on the flight to Houston.

“Correct.”

“And he’ll be your coach again if you go to UCLA in June?”

“I’m supposed to go in June,” I said, just to force myself to remember the original plan. The plan my parents and I had all agreed to.

“You have some important decisions to make soon, then.” Jackie leaned back in her chair, hands folded in her lap. “Let’s start with Plan B. What do you think your chances are of making the top ten at Nationals?”

“I was sixth at Junior Nationals the year before last and last year I only competed bars but I won, so it’s definitely possible.” Assuming I don’t collapse on top of a balance beam or show up with clean safe routines lacking difficulty.

“What if you don’t make it?” she asked. “Does it void out all the other goals?”

I swallowed hard. “I guess it does, but it doesn’t void out Plan A.”

“Nationals are in August, so that’s past when UCLA expects you training with them,” Jackie said. “If they don’t know your status and Coach Cordes is counting on you for the team lineup, they’ll have to fill your spot. That doesn’t mean they won’t let you join later on, obviously you’d be a huge asset. But there are some NCAA rules that your elite training would violate—”

“And I’d have to wait for the following season,” I finished for her. This was something I’d thought about a lot lately. My parents and I had gone over all these rules and policies with Coach Cordes before he left.

“Okay, let’s try out a few scenarios,” Jackie said. “Let’s say you stick around a couple more months for Nationals in August and you do make the top ten. Then you go on to make top eight at World trials in September. Then you’re on the team, but not really?”

“They’ll probably send seven to Spain—five on the team, one official alternate, and one secondary alternate hanging back just in case.” I remembered what Jackie had said in a previous session about me needing to explain the gymnastics aspect. “The National Committee has to compose the best team. They don’t need every gymnast to do all four events in the team competition. Not for the final, anyway. They only need three on each event. So, winning at Nationals doesn’t mean you can help fill a void in the vault difficulty score for the team and another girl who placed much lower may have an amazing vault. They could send her just for that.”

Jackie leaned forward again, resting her elbows on the desk. “So, you’re telling me that you could win Nationals, as in first place, and still not make the World team?”