Leo's Chance(41)

He smiles back, but looks thoughtful.

"How are the moving plans coming along?"

"Good. I’ve got a condo lined up downtown, Cincinnati, and Preston is preparing an office for me."

"Good, kid. And Evie?"

"I’m going to look her up once I get there. I just… I’m not ready yet. I don’t know what I’m going to say, how I’m going to tell her what happened…" I run my hand through my damp hair, frowning.

"Speaking of all of that, son, I want to talk to you about something today that’s perhaps a little out of my normal therapy realm." He frowns, and is quiet for a minute. I wait him out. I’m pretty sure I know what he’s going to say. I told him all about Lauren in the session after my freak out. It was hard, but I knew he had pretty much already guessed based on what he walked in on, and then what I had said while destroying my room.

"I think you need to press charges against Lauren."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Well, for one thing, the statute of limitations is up for a statutory rape charge. Won’t fly. I looked it up once as a way to try to… encourage her to stay away from me. Secondly, I wouldn’t do that to Phil’s… my father’s company. Do you know what kind of bad press that would bring? Especially now that I’m running it? Anything attached to my name is attached to the company’s name. The media would make a f*cking soap opera out of that shit. Phil worked practically his entire adult life making that company what it is. It was his dream. After everything I did to him, I couldn’t live with myself if I did that too. Smearing his good name? Because that’s exactly what the media would do, even though he had nothing to do with it. It wasn’t just Lauren who adopted me. If her moral character is questioned as far as that goes, his will be, too, whether it holds water or not. No."

He’s quiet for a minute, considering me. Then he says quietly, "I don’t know if you see that what happened to you wasn’t simply a case of statutory rape, son. That… woman adopted you, a damaged kid from the social services system, with the sole intent of molesting you. Do you see that? Do you see the perverted sickness in that? That she promised you hope and then, through her sick actions, instead, reinforced the message that you didn’t deserve to be loved and cared about? Do you see that her crime goes beyond statutory rape?"

I look out the window. He’s right, I have no doubt at this point that she brought me home intending on starting a sexual relationship with me when I was fifteen. I know because she told me. But what’s done is done. Seeking a criminal investigation against her won’t undo what happened.

"Still, no. I won’t do that to my father. That’s final. I can’t do that to my father."

"Jake, what exactly do you carry so much guilt about when it comes to your father?"

I laugh a humorless laugh. "Well, f*cking his wife wasn’t very nice."

"That’s you being crass as a way to deflect. And that’s not what happened. An older woman who had taken you into her home manipulated you. You were…"

"Okay, Doc, I get it. I’m working that out, okay? We talked about that last session. I’m trying to let go of some of my own culpability. Not all of it, I won’t do that, despite what you say. But some of it, enough to be able to forgive myself, alright? But as far as my father, he was never anything but good to me and I not only screwed his wife behind his back for three years, but I treated him like shit. I was so f*cking angry with both of them, and I thought maybe he knew and let her play her little game with me. Or maybe I just convinced myself of that so I could hate someone else, blame someone else. But in the end, our secret killed him. He died because of me, because of us."

"Kid, he changed his will to leave his company to you, the same company you just told me was his dream, his life’s work. He left that solely to you. Don’t you think that speaks volumes?"

I run my hand through my hair again. "Yeah, I guess. But it just reinforces my decision to focus my energy on making him proud with the way I handle that gift."

"So you just let Lauren get away with what she did? With harassing you, even now?"

"I’m moving to another city, Doc."

"People obsessed with someone don’t typically let that stop them."

I’m quiet for a minute, staring out the window, considering what he’s telling me.

"Can I tell you a little bit about the psychology of a woman who does what she did?"

I sigh. "If you have to. It won’t change anything, but I’ll listen."

He’s silent for a minute. "Most older women who engage in sex with young teen boys have an arrested development. Psychologically, they see themselves as a teenager, therefore they don’t feel guilt about the relationship, and generally justify it by saying they fell in love. They’re unwell, Jake. Extremely unwell."

This sounds all too familiar. He goes on, "Male victims can show the same trauma that a female victim shows – depression, anxiety, acting out, relationship problems… The power imbalance and the fact that a boy’s body usually cooperates are hugely confusing, hugely traumatic."

Okay, so I’m a f*cking case study. Still doesn’t change anything. I take a deep breath. "This is all interesting, but I can handle her now, Doc. I’m not fifteen anymore."