Lead (Stage Dive, #3)(56)

He had a point. “Probably, yes.”

“If I cared about the employment contract I could have fired you day two.”

“You could not have.”

He gave me an amused glance.

“Well, maybe a little. But your life would have been the poorer for it.”

“Right,” he deadpanned. “What if he’d taken you to an expensive restaurant? Would you have let him feel you up then?”

“Are you suggesting I prostitute myself for a linen table cloth and a three-course meal?”

“Just wondering. You wouldn’t be the first.”

“Holy shit, you’re serious.” The man made my head spin in all the ways. We really did come from different worlds. “That’s so … incredibly …”

“What?”

“Sad. Just sad. Jimmy, you need to aim a little higher. Try dating people that aren’t going to fall onto their backs with their legs spread based on proof of your bank balance alone.”

“It keeps life simple, easy.”

“Ea-sy. Huh. You know, easy doesn’t seem to have done you much good. In fact, easy made a mess of things for you from what I can see.”

More eye rolling. If he kept that up he might just do himself damage.

“The right sort of complication might be just what you need, Jimmy.”

“Waste of time.” His voice was absolute. “If it isn’t happening on the first date, why go back for more?”

“Hmm, I think you need to figure that one out for yourself.” The world blurred for a moment and I blinked the sting of sweat out of my eyes. “Do you only hang out with a woman if you want to have sex with her?”

“Pretty much … apart from you.” He pushed back his hair. Only just did I manage to keep my lusty sigh to myself. It was really quite sad how much I enjoyed such a simple thing.

“What about this girl who’s coming to visit you?”

“What about her?”

“Well, is she just for sex or are you actually going to attempt to have some sort of relationship with her?”

“I dunno,” he said. “Haven’t given it any thought.”

So many things I could say. None of them seemed quite right or unbiased, however.

“So what if it’s just sex?” he said.

“Don’t you want more?”

“Got everything I need. You said I should try going out more. That’s what I’m doing. If I happen to be doing that with a girl I like to f*ck, what’s the big deal? I got you to talk to, I don’t need a relationship, whatever you’re thinking that is.”

I rubbed at my eyes with the heels of my hands. Stupid sweat, so messy and inconvenient. Of all the human secretions to experience around him, he had to inflict this one upon me.

He just shook his head at my apparent foolishness. “So, what, you put out date three or four? There about?”

I stopped, staring at him with absolute wonder. “Do I ask you how often you jerk off, Jimmy?”

“Least once a day, lately.” He threw the information out there like it didn’t even matter. “My libido kind of disappeared there for a while but it’s back with a vengeance now. You’re probably right on with the dating idea because if I don’t get something soon I’m gonna break my f*cking wrist.”

“Stop it!” I covered my ears, taking deep, even breaths. That was the key. Any lurid pictures of Jimmy fisting himself just could stay the hell right out of my mind, my dirty, smutty, way overly descriptive mind. “We’re not the kind of friends that talk about this stuff.”

“You take sex too seriously.”

I stopped trying to block him out given I couldn’t if I tired. “I do, huh?”

“Yes.” And his smile, oh god his smile, I wanted to wipe it off his face with a pickaxe. I’d be gentle, you could trust me.

“While you don’t take feelings seriously at all,” I said. “They’re a joke to you.”

“They’re not a joke to me. But the two don’t have to go together. That’s the mistake you make.”

“Oh, god, Jimmy, this is so clichéd. You’re the man whore and I’m the sensitive chick. And I’m not even particularly sensitive, for heaven’s sake, it’s just that compared to you …”

“Compared to me, what?”

“Well, you’re so repressed. You don’t let yourself feel anything until you’re boiling over and out of control.”

He shook his head, letting out a harsh breath. “Explain to me how the f*ck me saying sex and emotions don’t have to go together lead to this point. Because you’re losing me.”

“Look, what you said is true enough,” I said. “Sex can be just a physical activity to make you feel good. I have no problem with that.”

He scoffed. “You just condemned me for that.”

“No. I just condemned you for insisting it could be nothing more than that. I just think you should have sex with people you actually like for a change. It might be refreshing for you.”

One thick shoulder twitched, I guess it was a shrug.

“You think I should have just slept with Dean last night then—on the first date?”

“Not saying that.” One of his tennis shoes pawed at the ground, big feral beast that he was. “I just think, talking about f*cking or actually f*cking shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s human nature, everyone does it.”