Lead (Stage Dive, #3)(51)

My medicinal hug was fast turning X-rated.

“Sorry the dates sucked,” he said.

I really didn’t want to talk about the dates.

“Tonight’s will be better.”

Other men could get lost.

“Lena?”

God damn it. “What?”

His mouth was a tight line. “Did Ev really upset you?”

“No. We’ll work it out between ourselves.”

“You sure? I’ll talk to her if you need me to.”

“Would you really?”

“Course.”

“You’re so dreamy, Jimmy Ferris,” I happy sighed.

“Christ, now you’re really weirding me out.” His hands settled on my hips. “Okay?”

“Yes.”

He gave me the makings of a hesitant smile while he straightened his shirt, setting himself to rights. Oddly, he seemed almost shy, looking down, avoiding my eyes.

“Right. I’m getting back to work.” But he didn’t move. Instead, he looked up at me like he was no longer entirely sure of who I was or what I was doing in his house. A shaking hand smoothed down the front of his shirt.

I smiled gently. “Thanks, Jimmy. I needed that.”

He paused, as if he might say something, but then didn’t. A distracted nod and he disappeared.

# # #

“Say one word about what I’m wearing and I will kick you.” I told the man sitting on the bottom stair and I meant every word of it.

“I wouldn’t dare. When’s he arriving?” Jimmy looked up, checking out my jeans and tight black sweater. Lord knows I had the assets, might as well use them. Despite my ample bosoms, his careful blank expression never altered. He’d been down in the gym, working out since everyone left an hour or so ago, sweat dampened his hair and the back of his grey T-shirt.

“He’s not,” I said. “I’m meeting him in town.”

“You don’t trust me not to give him shit.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Why don’t I drive you in?”

“Because I don’t trust you not to give him shit, we just established that. Besides, I can drive myself,” I said. “Us women are liberated these days. Why, next I bet we’ll even get the vote!”

He raised his brows and gave me a dour look. “Right. You can’t take your piece-of-shit car, it hasn’t even been run in the last few months. I drive us everywhere.”

“My piece-of-shit car will be fine. Thank you.”

He let out a long-suffering sigh, as if admitting defeat. “Take the Mercedes. At least then I’ll know you got there okay.”

“You’re sweet to worry about me.”

A grunt.

“Can I take the ’Cuda?”

“Not a f*cking chance.”

I grinned. “You wound my soul, Jimmy Ferris.”

He just watched me, fussing with my hair in the entryway mirror.

“What are you doing tonight?” I asked.

His shoulders and arms flexed, straining the thin cotton of his T. “Haven’t decided.”

Something in his voice made me pause, a hint of loneliness or a certain sadness I hadn’t heard before. The man seemed almost verging upon despondent. Cranky and grumpy were normal, this was not.

“None of the guys are coming back?” I asked. “You didn’t want to go hang out with them?”

“They’ve been here working all day. We’ll be in each other’s faces all the damn time on tour. No need to start now.”

I didn’t like it, but it did make sense. “No game on? I won’t be here to complain about the unendurable monotony of it, for once.”

“Not really in the mood for TV.”

“What are you going to do, then?”

He groaned. “I’m a grown man, Lena. I can entertain myself.”

“I know you can.” I hugged my coat and bag in front of me. “But I’m trusting you to tell me if you need me around tonight.”

“I do not need you around.”

I hesitated while cold eyes watched me.

“Keys are in the car,” he said.

The situation got me to thinking about what would happen to Jimmy if I did leave. No matter how many icicles he made with his gaze, he wasn’t frozen inside, he just liked to pretend as much. But I’d seen his pain and his self-doubt. Perhaps what Ev said earlier had stuck with me. Allowances had to be made for keeping him on track. I needed to think ahead, see to his best interests. Love came in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but if it wasn’t based upon doing what was right for the one you loved, then what was it worth, really?

Nothing.

And that’s what my feelings for him were growing into, love. No matter how scary it was, there was a certain calm to be found in facing the truth. It might or might not have been fated, but it was fast becoming fact.

“I think you should date too,” I said, the words small and tight. It’s a wonder I could find them at all.

“What?”

“I think you need to start dating again for both our sakes. Just think about it.”

He sniffed. “I’m doing fine as I am. It’s a dumb idea.”

“Holing up here, hiding from the world? That’s not a long-term solution.”