Kiss and Don't Tell(112)

Pacey was right—the drive between Seattle and Vancouver really isn’t that bad, but what made it almost unbearable was replaying our fight over and over in my head.

I lie back on the sofa and stare up at the plaster ceiling. “I ran into Josh.”

“What?” Max nearly shouts.

“Oh my God, has he been following you? I know someone down at the police department. We can get a restraining order filled out in a snap.” Katherine snaps her fingers.

I shake my head. “It was an insane coincidence. When I was in Banff, Josh contacted me—”

“Hold up. Why are we only hearing about this now?” Max asks. “This is shit you need to tell us when it happens.”

“I felt weird about it. I didn’t know what to say, honestly. He was telling me he made a mistake and he really needed to talk to me. Since I was with Pacey, I really didn’t want to get involved with anything to do with Josh. Pacey already hated him so much. I ignored him, but then when I was getting groceries to make Pacey dinner, I ran into Josh. He just moved to Vancouver.”

“Wow, the universe really wanted you to talk to him,” Max says.

“He had cancer.”

“What?” Katherine says this time. “Pacey or Josh?”

“Josh.” I look at my friends. “That’s why he treated me the way he did. He didn’t want to ‘put me through his illness’ when I was already helping my mom. He didn’t think it was fair, so he pushed me away.”

“What a way to fucking do it,” Max says, anger in his voice. “The prick made you miserable.”

“He apologized for the way he went about it.”

“Hold on.” Max forces me to look him directly in the eyes. “Are you trying to tell us that you’re getting back together with Josh? Is that why you’re here, why things ended with Pacey? Because you’re getting back together with Josh? I’m telling you right now, that would be the biggest mistake of your life. Yeah, Josh was okay, but he wasn’t the guy for you. But the way you talked about Pacey, the confidence I saw emerging in you, the way you interacted with him, it was amazing, Win.”

“Not that I agree with the way you met Pacey,” Katherine says, “but I do believe what Max is saying is you have seemed happier.”

“I’m not getting back with Josh. That ship has sailed. I can see now that he wasn’t the guy for me, and I’m sure he’ll find the perfect person for himself, but that person isn’t me.”

“So then, what happened with Pacey?” Max asks, confused.

I’m confused as well. I’m not exactly sure what happened.

“I got home and he was pissed. Livid, actually. When I asked him what was going on, he accused me of taking a long time at the store.” Or rather, testing me to see if I’d tell him the truth.

“Controlling. You don’t want to be with anyone who’s controlling,” Katherine says. “They’re the ones who flip a switch one day, and then all of a sudden, you’re tied up in the basement.”

“Jesus Christ, Katherine,” Max groans. “You think everyone is going to lock you in the basement. Get a grip.” Max turns to me. “That’s where you ran into Josh?”

I nod. “Yeah, and Pacey was getting me flowers before he came home, so he saw me. Josh was embracing me. When I got back to his place, he lost it. He asked why I was meeting up with Josh.”

“Oof, yeah, that couldn’t have gone over well in his head. I get where he’s coming from. He’s slightly possessive, from what you’ve told us. Seeing you with someone else set him off.”

“That’s not what broke things apart.”

“What did?” Katherine asks.

“Pacey knew exactly who Josh was even though I never showed him a picture.”

“Google stalking—I approve,” Katherine says.

I shake my head. “No, he knows who Josh is because Josh is actually Pacey’s half-brother.”

“What?” Max shouts, leaping to his feet. He glances around the room and then back at me. “Am I in some weird soap opera and don’t know it?”

“I wish,” I say, leaning back against the couch cushion. “Pacey has known for a while and never said anything to me. It turned into this fight about if he was using me to get back at his brother for being a dick to their dad. To him asking if I was still into Josh. To . . . God knows what. We blew up at each other, and before I knew what was happening, I was packing my bag and leaving.”

“Wow,” Max says while dropping back down on the couch. “That’s insane. Okay, two things. Firstly—didn’t you say there was something familiar about Pacey that you couldn’t put your finger on? And secondly—why did you just pack up and leave? Why not try to at least resolve this?”

I nod. “Yes, I did see something. His facial expressions—they were familiar. They don’t look alike, but there are little looks and glances that are eerily similar.” I take a deep breath and ask, “Why didn’t I stay?” It’s a good question. I know how short life is, and that Pacey is one of a kind. But . . . “I just felt betrayed. Like that’s something Pacey should’ve told me.”

“If you knew, would you still have wanted to be with him?” Max asks.