Kiss and Don't Tell(110)

“Me not telling you about Josh being my half-brother has zero impact on us.”

She points her finger at me. “That’s where you’re wrong. You deceived me. How could I possibly believe anything you’ve said to me is genuine? How do I know it wasn’t all a ploy to get the upper hand over Josh?”

“If you can’t tell that I’m fucking genuine, then we have bigger problems.”

“You’re right, we do have big problems,” she snaps while pushing past me to the bathroom. She comes back out, arms full of her toiletries. “The fact that you’d even question my loyalty to you is insulting.”

“Yeah? Then why did you keep your texts a secret?”

“I’m sorry, when did you become my master and I had to answer to you about everything in my life?”

“Don’t be sarcastic, Winnie. I’m trying to have a goddamn conversation.”

“No, you’re trying to push your anger and blame onto me when I’m not the one who did anything wrong.”

Arms wide again, my voice rises as I say, “He kissed you on the goddamn head. That’s pretty damning. Tell me you wouldn’t lose your shit if you saw a girl kiss me on my jaw like you do.” When she doesn’t answer, I say, “So don’t tell me you did nothing wrong. You let him touch you. After all he did to you—”

“He told me he had cancer,” she yells back. “Okay?”

My mouth closes up and I stand taller. Cancer?

Josh had cancer?

My mind connects the dots.

The apologies.

Wanting to reconnect.

Needing to talk.

That’s what he was going to tell me, that he had cancer?

Well . . . fuck.

“That’s why he pushed me away, because he didn’t want to put that burden on me when my mom was dying. Did he go about it the wrong way? Completely, but at least he was in a roundabout way looking out for me. Given the possessive behavior I’m witnessing tonight, I’m going to guess you wouldn’t have done the same.”

My jaw tightens from the comparison. “You’re right, I wouldn’t have done the same, because no fucking circumstance in my life would ever push me to the limit of telling you that you aren’t beautiful. That you aren’t the sexiest and most precious person on this earth. That I could live without you. You’d never hear me utter those words, because they just aren’t true.”

“But you are willing to withhold information from me, and instead of listening to my side of the story, you jump to conclusions, painting me in a disgusting light.” She tosses her clothes from the dresser in her suitcase and zips it up. When she sets the suitcase on the ground and starts to wheel it out of my bedroom, panic ensues.

“Then what the fuck happened?” I ask her.

She shakes her head. “You missed the opportunity to receive that explanation.”

“If you’re not going to explain, then what the hell am I supposed to do?”

As she gathers her purse, she says, “You were supposed to trust me, Pacey. You were supposed to have my back. You were supposed to be honest with me.”

“How can I be honest with you when you aren’t honest with me?”

“Because I didn’t tell you Josh texted me? Maybe I didn’t tell you because I knew you were already dealing with a lot, and the last thing you needed was that extra stress. I was looking out for you, Pacey. And just so you know, I didn’t meet up with Josh. I happened to run into him at the grocery store by some mad coincidence. And, yeah, he hugged me, but I didn’t hug him back and, the only reason I allowed it to happen was because I was so shellshocked by what he told me. I’ve known him for so long, so excuse me for taking a freaking second to process.”

She hoists her purse over her shoulder and snags her keys from the console table in the entryway, right next to the flowers I got her.

“Despite what you might think, Pacey, my intentions have always been pure with you. You were the first guy I ever considered being with after Josh broke me. And piece by piece, I felt you put me back together. But now, it all feels like a lie. It feels like a joke. Like I’m a pawn.”

“You were never a pawn, Winnie.”

“How can I ever trust that?” She gives me a once-over. “How can I trust you?”

I don’t know how to answer that. I can feel words on the tip of my tongue, but everything is rushing at me all at once. The beer is kicking in and my ability to process is slowing down.

“That’s what I thought.” She reaches for the knob and I quickly place my hand on the door, stopping her from leaving.

“So that’s it?” I ask her. “You’re just going to leave? You’re giving up on this?”

She lets out a long sigh and then looks at me. “I kept myself in a relationship longer than I should have. I clung to his every word and desperately needed his validation. I feel myself slipping into that same frame of mind with you, but this time it’s worse.”

“I’m not fucking worse than Josh; don’t you dare put me on that level.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not what I mean. It’s worse because the feelings I have for you, Pacey, are much stronger. Josh cracked me, but you, Pacey, I know you could break me. And if you broke me, I wouldn’t have anyone to help me pick up the pieces.”