Kiss and Don't Tell(117)

“Tomorrow. We’ll set up a schedule.”





“I don’t want to fucking do this,” I say, phone in hand.

“It’s part of the plan,” Hornsby says while driving his pen into his notepad. “The Plan” is written at the top. Underneath are three bullet points. Head. Josh. Girl. That’s it. That’s the immaculate plan Hornsby came up with.

“We can skip this part of the plan.”

“No,” the guys say in unison.

Then Taters steps in. “We’re right on this. Clear things up with Josh, and then we can move on.”

“Fine,” I draw out before clicking on his name and letting the phone ring. Nerves drive up my spine as I wait and as time ticks by, I think he’s not going to answer until . . .

“Hello?”

Fuck.

Eyes squeezed shut, I swallow hard and then say, “Josh. It’s, uh, it’s Pacey.”

“Pacey, yeah, hey.”

To the boys, I mouth, “Awkward. Fucking awkward.”

Taters whirls his finger around, motioning for me to continue.

“So, uh, this is that phone call you’ve been asking for.” Sweat drips down my back. Please, for the love of God, let this be over.

“Thanks. I appreciate it. I wasn’t sure you’d ever call me.”

“For reasons I’m sure you’re aware of,” I say in a snippy tone.

“Yeah, I am. Now. Not sure if Dad told you, but I was diagnosed with cancer a while back. It was pretty tough. I’m not looking for sympathy, it’s just part of this journey I’m on. When I was going through treatment, I realized that if something happened to me, not a lot of people would care because of what a dick I’d been. That first night of chemo, I decided to make amends when I was done. I wanted people to know that I am a good guy.”

“Makes sense.”

“Which means I owe you a huge apology. I’m not looking for your acceptance or forgiveness, I know that has to be earned over time, but I want you to know I’m sorry for the way I treated you and Dad. If I should be mad at anyone, it was supposed to be my mom. But it seemed to be easier being mad at two people I didn’t even know.”

Hell, I hate that he’s making sense, that I can feel his pain because it’s softening me, weakening me.

“For what it’s worth, Pacey, I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for the way I texted you about Winnie. It was a shock, seeing you with the girl I love, but I understand I lost her and that’s all on me. But I took those bottled-up feelings out on you, and I’m sorry.”

What the hell do I say to that? The guy has been an ass since I’ve known him, so I’m not going to automatically want anything to do with him. But I know what my dad would want. Our dad. He’d want me to extend an olive branch.

Even though I’m on the phone, I sit taller and then say, “Thank you for your apology, Josh. It does mean a lot to me. And who knows, maybe over time we can find out what being brothers means for us.”

“I’d like that,” Josh says.

“Just not anytime soon, I’m still fucking pissed by the way you treated Winnie. She deserved so much more.”

“I know. I fucked up, big time.” That makes two of us. “And even though I can’t have her, I know she’s in good hands with you.”

“Thanks,” I say, knowing good and well that I’m still in the doghouse with her.

“Sure.” He sighs. “Think I can text you every once in a while, get to know you better?”

I roll my teeth over my bottom lip.

“It’s hard, man. It’s going to take me some time to have a different mindset where you’re concerned.”

“I can understand that—”

“But I’ll give it a try.”

“Yeah?” Josh asks, full of hope.

“Yeah.”

Emotion heavy in his voice, Josh says, “Thank you, Pacey.”

“Just take it slow.”

He chuckles. “I will. Promise.”

“Okay.” I glance at Hornsby who is giving me the thumbs up. “I should get going.”

“Yeah, sure. Don’t want to take up too much of your time. Thanks again, Pacey, you’re a real class act.”

“Bye, Josh.”

“Bye, man.”

We both hang up and then I fall back into the couch, sweat streaming down my back.

“See? Was that so hard?” Hornsby asks.

“That was fucking torture.” I take a second to gather myself. “But I’m glad I did it.”

Hornsby taps his notepad. “Okay, boys, we’re on to our third and final bullet point. Time to get the girl.”

“Onward!” Posey shouts, pointing his hand in the air.

Jesus Christ, why did I get these guys involved?





“I’ve never wanted to jack off so much as I want to right now,” Taters says as he flops down on my couch.

“What the fuck, man?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Dude, that was a stressful few hours. Doc calling you into his office, the fear of the unknown, all that atlas talk . . . I was ready to crawl inside my body and wish it all away. Then the phone call with Josh. Shit, that was awkward. And now that it’s over, all that pent-up energy needs to be released.”