Jesus Freaks: Sins of the Father(86)

An affair, of all things. That’s what she printed on the posters she handed out in the dining hall. That Roland and I were having an affair. After all, that was the only reasonable explanation for how much time the charismatic church leader was spending with the girl from Connecticut with a questionable salvation status. Right?

Taking a deep breath, I lift my head in search of Joy. I begged for her to not be suspended or expelled. I need to have a chance to speak with her, to figure out why in the world she would do such a thing. I likely won’t be afforded such a chance if she gets expelled from school and is sent to live the rest of her days in shame.

Regardless, the last seventy-two hours have been a bitch. Yeah, I said it. A total bitch. I haven’t been able to have a conversation lasting more than five minutes with anyone except my mom and Roland, apart from the first night after the “scandal” broke and Matt Wells revealed he is a PK who has followed the legend of my existence for the last several years.

“Dear Lord,” Roland’s fierce, yet soft voice pulls my attention back to him. And God. “Thank you for family. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank—“ Roland clears his throat as his voice grows tight. A rare misstep in his typically fluid delivery of prayer. “Thank you for second chances, Lord.”

Second chances.

I note that Mom’s eyes are closed, as are most of the rest of the crowd, but this is different. Hers are squeezed shut like she wishes they were her ears and she could block his words. The second chance he’s speaking of has to be his, since I’m still in the middle of the first chance, and there’s no chance for a second time around from my mom. I think that ship sailed when he signed away his parental rights to me before my birth while they were barely two years older than I am now. Scared as hell twenty year olds.

“Jesus you are the author of forgiveness. Of Love. In First Corinthians you tell us that love is patient, Lord. That it’s kind. But you also tell us it is not self-seeking, nor is it easily angered. Above all else, Lord God, you tell us love keeps no record of wrongs. That it doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

I breathe deeply. That section of scripture is familiar to me from the handful of weddings I’ve attended. Always used as a way to highlight a couples’ commitment to one another. I’ve not told Roland that I love him. Because I’m not sure if I do. I don’t even know if he’s talking about him and me in this prayer. Or about him toward me. Have I done wrong by him? Honestly, I’m too tired and dizzy from the last few days to tease out the motivations behind this public prayer.

Zoning out while Roland finishes his opening petition, I’m somewhat relieved that I don’t see Joy—not wanting to face her while I’m directly in the middle of all of this. Instead, my eyes rest on Matt, who hasn’t moved his gaze from me since I stepped away from the podium.

Matt Wells.

In the span of a few days, he’s gone from someone I needed on my side to attend a Bible study without looking like a complete failure, to my closest ally at Carter University. The largest, most politically embroiled Christian college in the United States. That just got a heck of a lot more popular with the revelation that the local pastor’s daughter who no one knew has been a student here for the last two and a half months. Completely under the radar.

Matt knew the whole time. Maybe not the whole time, but he certainly put all the pieces in place in short order. His dad, a former pastor, is a friend of Roland’s and currently a tragic victim of pastoral burnout. A subject on which I’m ill-equipped. Oh, and somehow, my mom knows who he is. I need to remember to get to the bottom of that.

All I know is Matt knew Roland’s “kid” was going to school at Carter. Once the rest of the school found out, thanks to Joy, Matt rescued me. Literally carried me to his dorm and then drove me to Roland’s house as the curious and enthusiastic masses descended on the dorms.

I haven’t seen him in the two days since my mom got to town, though. And, for a moment, I’m desperate for the naiveté I embodied three days ago. When I was the “only one” who knew Roland was my birth father. When I was just the liberal valedictorian from New England with muddled motives for attending CU.

Alas, as I look through the crowd once more, and note that as the prayer draws to a close, as many eyes are on me as are on Roland, I accept that anonymity is long gone. I’m Roland Abbot’s daughter. A preacher’s kid trying to get to know her father after an entire lifetime away from him. In front of the entire nation.

Roland Abbot isn’t just a wildly popular pastor inside the antique borders of Asheville. He’s an internationally regarded televangelist. Raising money for hospitals and aid centers in Central Africa, Southeast Asia, and remote places in Western Asia seems to be what he does in his free time since he doesn’t have a wife or other children. He’ been vague as to the reasons behind his currently-single status, but I can’t help but wonder if he’s somehow punishing himself for the way things went with my mother. There’s little time to consider that can of worms as Roland begins his address.

“Thank you all for being here. Thank you, also, for your patience during the last few days as Kennedy and I, and our families have had quite a bit on our plates.” He smiles through the words, and a chuckle sprinkles the crowd.

“Now,” he continues with a deep breath, taking a step away from the podium, “I’m not here to discuss the details behind what happened to bring Kennedy’s identity to light. There will be plenty of time for that later in other forms of media. This? This is a House of God, and I think it should be used to praise Him!”