It's All Relative(21)
When they got back to his place, Kai watched Jessie let out a long exhale as her eyes swept the room. He supposed she was remembering the last time she was here. It seemed a little shocking to him that it had only been several hours ago; it felt like a lifetime ago. Throwing his keys on the counter, Kai ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose we should move my crap out of the way.”
Jessie let out a nervous laugh as she followed him into the main room. He heard her roughly swallow when she saw the mattress in the middle of the wall. Lifting it up, Kai shoved it against the wall; he didn’t want the reminder either. It blew his mind that just this morning he had been pleasantly reminiscing about his recent activities on that bed.
Clearing his throat, Kai turned back to Jessie and apologized. He wasn’t sure why he was apologizing to her, but he felt the need to do it. Jessie nodded, her beautiful face still pale. They started moving his boxes in front of where his mattress was propped against the wall, both hiding it, and making room for his new furniture. Halfway through the process, he heard Jessie gasp. He quickly shifted his eyes to her, wondering what she might have found. She was kneeling on the floor, putting some clothes into a box. She looked close to passing out; her lips were nearly white.
Concerned, he squatted beside her. “Jessie?” His fingers came up to touch her cheek, and he tried to ignore how nice her skin felt. Her eyes began to water, but she wouldn’t look at him. He tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “Jessie?” he tried again.
“I’m gonna be sick,” she muttered. Kai worried that she really would be sick by the look on her face. Confused, he tried to pull her gaze from whatever she was staring at. When that didn’t work, he started searching for what had her so enthralled. That was when he felt the bile rising up his throat. There was a condom packet on the floor, right in front of the TV. It was unopened. A perfectly sealed, purple and silver wrapped reminder of everything that had happened between them. The memories relentlessly flooded his head, and like it was happening again, he remembered driving into her over and over, remembered telling her he was going to come, right before the euphoric explosion took him over. His stomach tilted just as surely as desire swept through him.
“Throw it out,” Jessie whispered.
Kai immediately released her face and grabbed the obtrusive thing. He vaguely remembered something falling out of Jessie’s purse when she was getting her phone. She must have had some with her. Maybe she’d planned on screwing someone last night, and he’d fit all of her requirements. It made him feel a little odd that what had happened between them might not have been the result of an unbelievable attraction that had led to something bigger. Maybe what had happened, she’d planned from that very first glance.
Tossing the packet in the garbage under the kitchen sink, he twisted to look back at her, still kneeling on the floor. No, she’d said she wasn’t like that, and he believed her. Besides, he preferred to think that what they’d shared was rare, that it had been fate pulling them together. Then again, what they’d shared was so wrong he shouldn’t even want to think about it at all. If that was fate, then he didn’t want it meddling in his life again.
Coming back into the main room, he squatted by her side. Out of instinct, he started to reach for her, but then he stopped himself. Jessie let out a soft exhale as she looked his way; her eyes were less wet now, and she looked a little embarrassed. “Sorry. I’m trying to be okay with this, but that was a little…” She shrugged and then let out another nervous laugh.
He sat down on the floor by her feet. “I know. I’m trying too.” He gave her an encouraging grin. “It will get easier.” Kai hoped that was true.
Jessie nodded, her eyes locking onto his. It took a lot of willpower, but Kai squelched the rising desire he had to feel those lips again, to touch her face again. A wistful noise escaped her, and he wondered if Jessie was having just as difficult a time. If it weren’t for how much the thought twisted his stomach with disgust, he would ignore the fact that they shared a last name, lay the mattress back onto the floor, and take her one more time.
With a visible effort, he stood and extended a hand to her. Jessie accepted it and let him pull her up to standing. They ended up being closer than he’d intended, their bodies brushing together. Kai didn’t pull away though, and continued to stand with his chest against hers, his flatness a sharp contrast to her fullness. As he clutched her hand tight, he suspected that for the first time all day, they were the same temperature. He knew he felt hot all over as he stared down at her. Wondering how to shut off the desire he still felt for her, even now, when it was mixed with guilt, revulsion, and self-loathing, his lips parted in anticipation. They couldn’t do this; it was wrong on so many levels, but as his body started reacting to her nearness, he knew that at least on one level, he could do this.
He lowered his forehead to hers, and she gasped, her mouth opening as well. His other hand wrapped around her hip, pulling her closer to him. Kai couldn’t believe he was seriously contemplating this, after everything he’d learned, after all the times his stomach had churned while thinking about it. Even though he knew it was disgusting, his body was willing to overlook that fact because goddamn…he wanted her.
Jessie raised her chin, bringing their lips dangerously close, and he thought she might be willing to overlook it too. His hand on her hip lowered to cup her backside; their free hands, still joined, tightened. Kai sucked in a quick breath, not sure what to do, not sure which part of his body to listen to. Jessie ran her hand up his chest to his neck, and made a noise that was both lustful and conflicted.