It's All Relative(22)

Kai was torn. She was so beautiful, so wonderful, and felt so incredible in his arms. Without realizing what he was doing it, he shifted his lips, just a fraction, until they minutely brushed hers. Closing his eyes, he exhaled a deep breath. The brief contact flooded him with remnants of last night—her taste, her passion. He wanted to taste her again; he wanted to push her away. While his body and mind shifted him in opposite directions, his head began to pound. This was so wrong, but it felt so right.

At the brief kiss, Jessie’s breaths quickened, and she shifted in his arms. Her hips firmly pressed against his, and he could feel the blood rushing down as his body hardened. If that piece of him took over, it would almost make things easier…until after. Then they would be faced with the awful fact that they had known the truth, and done it anyway. At least with the first time they could claim ignorance. If they allowed it to happen a second time…well, they wouldn’t have any excuse left to defend themselves.

Jessie’s hips bumped against him in a restless pattern as she squirmed in his arms, just as torn as he was. Kai wondered if she was aware of how much the swiveling was turning him on; she would be aware in a moment, if she didn’t stop. Just as her lips were coming back to his for more, Kai found a well of resolve inside him, and released her hand so he could grab onto her hips and still them. “Stop, Jessie,” he whispered, immensely proud of himself for being able to utter those words.

They worked like a blast of cold water on Jessie. She immediately pulled away from him, breaking their intimate contact. “Oh, God,” she muttered, running her fingers through her curls. “I can’t, we can’t…this is so wrong, Kai.”

Her breaths grew sporadic; she looked on the verge of losing it. Kai stepped forward and put a hand on her arm. “I know. It’s okay, I know.”

Giving him an apologetic smile, she withdrew from his touch. With a similar smile of his own, Kai gave her space. “We’re going to have to be more careful.” He let out a weary exhale. Much more careful. “I’m sorry, Jessie, you just, you don’t feel like family. The idea grosses me out, but not… I still want…I still want you.”

Looking at the floor, Kai felt horrible and guilty for admitting that. Jessie sighed as she moved even farther away from him. “I know…I want you too.” Glad that at least they were in the same awful boat, Kai peeked up at her. She shrugged when they made eye contact. “But even if we don’t feel like it, we are family, and this can’t happen.”

He nodded. “I know.”

“So what do we do?” she asked with a shake of her head.

Kai clenched his fingers into fists as he resisted the urge to walk over and tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “We try not to get too close to each other. At least, until this feeling…passes.” It had to pass. Jessie nodded, and the chocolate depths of her eyes glassed over. Kai hated seeing her turmoil; it was so similar to his own. All he wanted was to get closer to her. Wanting to ease her pain, and his own, he cracked a small smile. “But, can I get your help with the furniture first?”

Jessie laughed, causing a tear to release and drip down her cheek. With a small smile of her own, she nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

They made quick work emptying Jessie’s truck. With several of the larger pieces of Gran’s stuff, they had to bypass the elevator and use the stairs. When they got a dresser wedged in a corner, they both laughed pretty hard, and Kai jokingly told her that he was at her mercy. Growing quiet, Jessie gave him an odd look full of longing and pain. Kai had to remind himself for the millionth time that she wasn’t some beautiful girl he could flirt with whenever the mood struck him. She was so much more, and so much less.

After a couple hours of sweaty work, they finally moved in all the furniture: two dressers, a nightstand with a lamp, a large bookcase, and a frame and headboard for his mattress. Considering the size of Jessie’s truck, it was amazing that they’d been able to fit everything in only one trip. Looking over at Jessie as she blew a loose curl off her shiny forehead, Kai smiled. It was easy to fit things into place with her. Too easy.

When all the furniture was arranged, they lowered his mattress onto the frame and replaced the sheets. The same sheets they’d had sex on. After they were finished, they both stared at the spot that had changed everything in their relationship. An awkward tension began to build, and Kai found himself whispering, “Who is Jeremy?”

Jessie flinched, and Kai felt heat rush into his face. He really hadn’t meant to ask her that, but curiosity had driven it out before he could stop himself. She’d mentioned something about a man named Jeremy, right before she’d shoved her hand down his pants. She’d been comparing his size to that guy. At the time, she’d seemed pleased with what she’d found.

Color stained Jessie’s cheeks as embarrassment flashed through her. Walking over to one of Kai’s boxes, she opened it and started pulling out his clothes. She was going to stay and help him put his stuff away? While he was grateful for that, since he really wasn’t looking forward to doing it, he was pretty surprised, too, especially after what he’d just asked her.

Jessie let out a long exhale as she folded some crumpled T-shirts and placed them in a dresser drawer. Not looking at Kai, she answered, “He was my last boyfriend, who found it very difficult to keep it in his pants.” She glanced over at him as he blinked in surprise. “I caught him with another woman once, and that was enough for me.” Her gaze washed over the front of Kai’s jeans, and her face colored even more. “I think he was just insecure,” she muttered, a devilish smile twisting her lips for a second.