International Player(67)

“That’s not what I meant. Maybe Noah’s the guy you don’t get over because he’s the man you’re meant to be with.”

Hearing those words was painful, because as much as I tried to fight it, my heart kept telling me the same thing—Noah Jensen was the one for me, but I didn’t see how that meant anything but unhappiness for me.

This conversation had gone the exact opposite way to how I’d expected it to go. I’d expected for Abigail to be furious with Noah and me but satisfied that I’d turned him away. I’d expected this pit of regret in my stomach to feel slightly less uncomfortable. Instead it felt worse—bigger—as if it were clawing out more space inside me.

“Have you ever considered that this whole idea of you needing evidence and certainty is just an excuse?”

I knew I hadn’t escaped Abigail’s tough love. “An excuse for what? I’ve been totally honest with you.”

“It’s just that we both know you enjoy what you’re good at. You don’t like public speaking and you thought you were terrible at it but that’s clearly not true. You’ve handled everything so brilliantly since I’ve been on bedrest.”

“But we’re not talking about public speaking.”

“No, but it’s not like you feel like you’re an expert in relationships. None of us are. Maybe you’re just applying your normal logic—you’re not familiar with it, you assume you’re not going to be good at it, so you won’t even try.”

“You think I’d walk away from Noah and the way I feel about him, just because I don’t think I’d be good in a relationship?”

“Maybe that’s part of it. And the lack of certainty makes it all the more difficult to take the risk.”

I didn’t know how to take a chance on someone who had the power to wound me so fundamentally, so completely that I’d never recover. But when I asked myself the question of whether I’d prefer to live with the possibility of losing Noah and the idea of potentially being destroyed if he ever left me, the answer was clear. I choose Noah. Whatever the cost. So what else could be holding me back unless it was myself and my fear that I’d mess things up, not that he would?





Thirty-Five





Noah


Having clearly defined goals and conquering them was what I did, and I had Truly on lock. I just needed a plan to get her back.

Being back in London, in the confines of the car with the rain beating down on the windows was comforting. I’d told Bruce just to drive around, despite the weather meaning most of the time we were stuck in traffic. I did my best business thinking out of the office, and I was hoping it would translate to the personal. I needed a solution, a winning argument.

“Bruce, can you head to Highgate?” If I couldn’t figure it out, there were two people who knew Truly as well if not better than me. Although I had no idea if they’d be willing to help.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket as the car stopped with a jerk as someone pulled out in front of us on the outer circle of Regents Park.

“Rob?” I asked as the phone stopped ringing.

“I told you not to fuck things up,” he whispered back. “I’m not quite sure what the bloody hell is going on. I just know that Abigail would be pissed if she knew I was talking to you.”

“Who’s on the phone?” Abigail’s question rang out in the background.

I tipped my head back on the seat. “Look, I didn’t end things.”

“End what?” Rob asked.

“Who is it?” Abigail called.

“Tell her it’s me,” I replied. “I’m on my way over. I need your help.”

“She’s going to kill us both,” he replied. “It’s Noah,” Rob called to Abigail. “He says he’s on his way over.”

“I’ll see you soon.” There was no point trying to explain anything now. If Abigail ripped me a new one then so be it. If it helped me get Truly back, I didn’t care.

As we continued our journey, I tried to come up with ideas that might convince Truly I was serious about her.

I could put her on the deeds to my flat? I wasn’t sure she’d agree to that—it wasn’t my money she was after. Perhaps I could suggest we buy a new place together.

I could research the difference between women’s and men’s brains. Show her that just because I didn’t see things in the exact way she did, didn’t mean I didn’t want her. But I was sure she’d just see that as bullshit and misdirection.

We pulled up in front of the house. Rob must have heard us pull up as he came to the door before I was through the front gate.

“I’m surprised you came here of all places,” Rob said, leading me inside.

Where else would I go? “Let’s go up,” I replied, glancing up the stairs.

“You first,” Rob said.

Abigail’s expression was neutral as I stepped into her bedroom. “Hey. Thanks for letting me come over. I need some help.”

She shook her head. “What am I going to do with you two?”

“I don’t know what you know and what you don’t, but you need to understand that I want to be with your sister,” I blurted. I wasn’t a blurter. I was careful and considered in what I said, but Truly changed everything.