In the Stillness(51)

Ryker.

“Who knows,” I lie with ease.

“Hey, some of us from the department are going to get together at the ABC for dinner and drinks tonight, do you want to come?”

I’ve met probably three of Eric’s co-workers. Only because babysitters are hard to come by, and that provided an easy excuse for my lack of interest in anything chemical engineering related. I have no excuse for tonight, and while I’m unsure about our future, I am sure I don’t want to spend our first night of child-freedom fighting about the details of our relationship.

“Sure, sounds fun,” I lie again—with a smile this time.

Eric speaks over his omelet, sizzling in the pan. “Great. Would you mind meeting me there at eight? I need to get the last of my things out of my old office this evening after all the lingering undergrads clear out, then I’ll head there.”

“Sure. See you at eight.” I get up to head to the shower.

“It’s a date.” He smiles and pulls me into a kiss as I pass by him in the kitchen.

He’s in an awfully good mood for someone whose marriage is falling apart. It occurs to me that he likely doesn’t think I’m serious about my view of the state of things between us, and that makes me nervous for our conversations to come.





Chapter 25





“Hi,” I smile through my whisper. I’m sure I’m blushing like a teenager.

Ryker holds the door open for me, the all-American smile I’ve longed to see has returned. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

I wasn’t sure I should, honestly. But after seeing him at the market, Ryker set up residence in my head. One visit couldn’t hurt. Maybe we both need closure . . . or something. Certainly getting a restraining order and not seeing each other for ten years doesn’t count as closure.

“Manning Farms? How could I not?” I wander through the first floor of the old farmhouse, running my hands along the knotty-pine leading to the kitchen. “You’ve really done good for yourself, Ry.” Turning around, I find him leaning on the door frame.

“Thanks.” He shrugs, keeping his eyes on mine.

Walking over to the basin sink, I elevate onto my tiptoes and scan the fields through the small kitchen window. “How long did all of this take? I mean . . . how long have you been farming?”

Something changes in the air. So does his voice. “Just a few years. You know, after I got over you totally f*cking me over.”

My blood runs cold as I turn to find him standing in fatigues that he wasn’t wearing when I arrived. He’s pale and sweating, just like the last night I saw him. And he’s holding a gun. My heart hammers in uneven rhythm through my chest as I consider my options for escape.

“What?” I think I should keep him talking.

“You destroyed me, Natalie—ruined my life. That little stunt you pulled in your dorm cost me everything.” He watches me from underneath his eyebrows as he takes one, two, three steps toward me.

“Ryker . . .” Pulling from my old bag-of-tricks, I try to say his name to remind him that he’s in reality, while my palms lose traction against the counter.

“All I wanted was to be a soldier, Nat . . .” My breath trips as he lifts the handle of what I guess is a pistol.

“You are a soldier, Ryker. You served—”

“You know what I mean!” he screams as the barrel of the gun stares me straight in the face for a split second. It seems to surprise him, too, and he lowers his hand back down to his hip. “See? I can’t stop hurting you. Even now. Look at yourself.” He tilts his chin toward me.

Glancing down, I find every single cut I’ve ever given myself open and bleeding down my arms and legs.

What the f*ck? I have to get out of here. This isn’t real. What’s happening?

Looking back up, I find Ryker holding the gun to his head.

“Ryker. Ryker . . . don’t.” I’m panicking, begging him to stop.

“I can’t do it, Nat. Not anymore. Lucas, you, my dad . . . I’ve hurt too many people. I need it to stop.” His brow furrows as he closes his eyes and whispers something I can’t hear.

“Don’t! Ryker! Ryker!”

He pulls the trigger and a sound tears through me I’ve never heard before. I fall to my knees, landing in blood—I can’t tell if it’s coming from him or me.

“God, Ryker, no! I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry! Please . . .”

“Natalie! Wake up!” I turn around to find Eric standing by the sink, holding out his hand.

I wave my hand dismissively. “Go away!”

“Wake up. Wake up!” he says again.

My shoulders start to shake, but not from my tears.

I have to wake up . . .

In one motion I’m seated on the edge of my bed, feet touching the floor. Audibly gasping for air, my skin is damp and I’m shaking.

Holy shit.

I jump when a hand lands on my shoulder, relaxing only when I realize it’s Eric. Momentarily disoriented by the daylight barging through my windows, I glance at the clock and see it’s only three in the afternoon. I’d come in the bedroom to read for a bit and must have fallen asleep.

“Jesus Christ, Natalie, what was that?” He kneels in front of me, a look of concern on his face I’ve only seen once before.