In the Middle of Somewhere (Middle of Somewhere, #1)(124)

“Daniel?” Will sticks his head around the corner. “Rex says you’re good with cars?”

“I’m okay,” I say.

“Mind taking a peek at mine?”

“Yeah, sure.” I grab my coat and follow him outside. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing, I don’t think, but I’m heading back to New York and I just want to make sure she’ll make the trip.”

“You’re leaving?” I say, gesturing for him to pop the hood.

“Yeah. I took some time off work to see my sister, but now I have to get back.”

I look up at him. His jaw is set and he looks stressed.

“You’ll break poor Leo’s heart,” I tease as I scan his car’s guts. “Does he know yet?”

“I’m going to tell him now.”

“Well, be nice to him; he’s a good kid.”

Will stares at the ground.

“I know.”

“Your car is fine. You obviously just had it serviced. So what is this really about?”

Will looks slightly sheepish at having been caught.

“I guess you really do know about cars.”

“I know enough.”

“Listen,” he says, his tone sincere, “I’m sorry about your father. Really sorry.”

“Thanks.”

“Turns out you’re not so bad. Maybe if we were both back east, we might even be friends.”

I nod when he pauses since he seems to expect it.

“So, okay, look. I want to tell you something. About me and Rex.”

My blood goes cold and I snap my head up to look at him.

“No! No, shit, sorry, nothing like that.” He clears his throat. “I want to tell you something about before we broke up because I think maybe you’re actually pretty good for Rex. I know he cares about you a lot and I think you care about him too.”

“I do,” I say quickly. “What?”

“As I’m sure you already know, Rex and I broke up because I left town. Well”—he makes an expansive gesture—“mostly. Anyway, when I told Rex I was leaving he said, ‘I guess part of me knew it was coming. I hope you’ll take care of yourself.’ That was all. And after that—he was never the same. He was still sweet, supportive Rex and he asked me about my plans and everything. But he was gone, even though we didn’t break up until I left, three months later. He was there, but he’d dropped the gate down, right? He wasn’t going to be vulnerable with me after that. If anything, he was more invested in lending a hand, being a help. But that was it.”

As Will talks, the cannonball that’s felt like it was lodged in my stomach since Virginia’s call turns into a block of ice. I’m shivering and something like panic is creeping up the back of my neck.

“So,” I start to say. “So, um.”

“So,” Will says. “I’m trying to help you. I don’t mean that your relationship with Rex is the same as mine—far from it. But I think maybe you and I are more alike than I wanted to admit. Which means that maybe I know a thing or two about how you operate. Like, maybe you didn’t grow up with a whole hell of a lot of positive f*cking reinforcement. So, maybe you get that from people in your profession. And maybe you think you need that because you can’t get it anywhere else. And if that’s your choice, that’s fine. I just think….”

“What?”

“I think Rex is good for you too. So, if you think that you can leave and he’ll be here waiting for you if you change your mind and come back… he won’t. He might mean to be. He might swear up and down that you should follow your dreams—in fact, I’m sure he would because that’s the kind of guy he is. But he shuts down if he thinks someone is leaving him. He shuts down and then it’s too late. And maybe I just don’t want that to happen to you the way it happened to me. And I really don’t want to see Rex hurt. That’s all.”

He sighs and kicks at a rock on the driveway.

“I probably shouldn’t have told you that,” he says. “But I’m glad I did. Don’t f*ck it up. I want you to be here the next time I come into town.”

I nod. Though I’m loath to admit it, what Will said about Rex makes a lot of sense. Rex offers help to protect himself. It’s something to fall back on when he’s uncertain. Something he can offer to show he cares without making himself too vulnerable. But how can I tell the difference between that and what he says is how we trust each other: by letting each other help? I really don’t know.

“Daniel?” Will says, snapping my attention back to him. “Take care of him, okay?”

“Okay,” I say. Will shakes my hand and gets in his car. “Will,” I say, and gesture for him to roll down his window. “You’re not so bad either. Have a safe trip.” His smile is pure victory as he backs out of the driveway.

I sit down on the front step. I don’t quite understand how my life got so out of control. How did things turn so f*cked-up just when I thought I was getting everything together? And why do I feel so… so f*cking vulnerable?

No, not just vulnerable. I feel panicked.

It started with the phone call about my dad, sure. But, everything with Colin—I still can’t wrap my mind around it. It’s like I have to re-see my whole life—every interaction with him—through a new lens. He hasn’t called me back either, no surprise there. Then Virginia’s call….