In His Eyes(56)

“The truth.” He kissed the top of her head. “The truth that sets you free.”

She relaxed and listened to the melody that hung in the air. Then she felt herself change and the scents upon the breeze dissipate. And she knew what it meant. “No!”

Ella bolted upright, only to find herself in the rose room of Belmont Plantation. A startled cry jarred her back to reality, and she looked down at Lee beside her. She plucked him from the bed and rocked back and forth. “Hey, now, wee lad. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Lee settled and blinked up at her, his tiny face reminding her of the strength she would need. Memories of the night before began to plop down upon her like the slow beginning of a downpour.

The storm. Lee’s cough. Sibby’s leg. And Major Remington….

Ella looked down at the quilt that covered her rumpled dress and tried to shake strange sensations from her. Had he been here in the night? Or had that only been a part of the unnervingly realistic dream she’d had?

The field. The tree. Ella shivered. Never had a dream been so vibrant or clear, so dramatically realistic, the colors so pure and the sounds so clean. And him….

The thought of him brought an ache. She knew him, and yet didn’t. She closed her eyes as she rocked Lee and tried to remember his face. All she could recall of it was light and goodness, beauty and love. Somehow the features of him didn’t matter. Not the color of his eyes, the shape of his nose, or the way his hair framed his face mattered. Not a single distinction that usually defined a person clung to him. All that could define him was the way he’d made her feel.

She’d felt almost like a truer version of her own self. Dangerous, that. Such vulnerability would bring only one thing—pain.

Lee coughed and began to wiggle, and Ella pushed aside the dream. No matter how clean and beautiful a place her mind had imagined, it wasn’t reality. The real world colors were dimmer, and problems she could not afford to ignore pressed upon her. The dream provided a nice fantasy, but here stood the truth of her life. A precarious situation and a fragile babe who needed her to be strong. She couldn’t afford to frolic in dreamland while little Lee needed her.

Ella swung her feet off the bed and headed to the door that led to the nursery. She paused and looked over her shoulder at the door on the other side, the one that connected to the master’s chamber. Did Westley yet sleep?

She chided herself. What would possess her to call the major by his given name, even in her own mind? Perhaps he had invited her, during that hazy time when he had trespassed on her privacy and her heart, but if she allowed herself to do that, the name may very well pass through her lips as well. She turned back to the nursery. No, that wouldn’t do. No matter what he had said then, if that time even existed, it would not be safe for her to open that door.

Ella straightened her spine and drew the familiar walls back around her like a heavy cloak. Burdensome they may be, but there was safety in familiarity. She smoothed her features and settled her restless spirit as best she could.

She found Sibby sitting up in bed, her foot propped on a tower of pillows. “Mornin’ Miss Ella. Our little man hungry?”

Ella coerced a smile from her lips. “I hope so.”

Sibby reached for him, and Ella handed him over, once more thinking about the goat. Would it be wrong of her to wish to feed him on her own? Major Remington said she could stay. She wrinkled her forehead. At least, she thought he did. Time would tell.

Lee coughed and turned his head, but then, thankfully, began to nurse. Ella let out a breath that stirred the hair hanging in disarray around her face. “Oh, thank goodness. I was afraid he wouldn’t eat.”

“Me, too. This here be a good sign, Miss Ella.”

She ran a hand over her hair, relief washing over her. “I still want to go to town and fetch the doctor.”

Sibby kept her gaze on the child. “No need.”

Ella opened her mouth to protest. Just because he now ate didn’t mean that his cough did not still worry….

“Major Westley done gone.”

Her mouth felt dry. “He what?”

“He done left with the first light.” Sibby’s mouth twitched like she knew something Ella didn’t.

Ella crossed her arms. “He shouldn’t be walking that far.”

Sibby shrugged. “I weren’t gonna tell him that. He can be right stubborn once he done set his mind to something.”

Ella stood there, unsure what to say. She wanted to ask if Sibby knew anything about whether the major had mentioned her employment, but dared not. She feared that if she said such hopes aloud, they might all the sooner be crushed.

“Why don’t you go on and get washed up and put on a fresh dress?” Sibby’s words tugged her from scattered thoughts that flitted on a wind of uncertainty.

“Yes, a clean dress would be nice…” Ella turned, her hands clasping and unclasping in front of her.

She put one foot over the threshold when Lee made a strangled sound, coughing up milk and sputtering. Ella spun around. Sibby draped the cloth over herself and patted Lee on the back. “There now. Easy.”

Her heart thudded. She should be the one caring for him. Ella set her teeth. She would find a goat, and with it the ability to not rely on another to care for her child.

“You go on now, Miss Ella. I’s got him.”