In His Eyes(55)

She’d long ago learned to discover the things about herself that made other children laugh or scorn her and tuck them away so that she would not feel the sting of their rejection again. She learned to bury her love of colors and art under Papa’s admonition that such things were foolishness and a waste of a woman’s time. She taken the joy drawing had given her and boxed it up, sliding it underneath responsibilities that he’d said must come first.

She’d stopped tying colorful scarves in her hair even though she liked them, because the other girls made fun. She learned to cover up the Scottish in her words so that people wouldn’t hear them and turn up their noses.

And then she saw herself in the inn once more, scrubbing dishes and telling herself that she was lucky to be there. Determined if she worked hard enough, if she acted the right way, that the owners would find worth in her and praise her efforts.

She breathed deep, letting the visions—clearer than even when she’d lived them—wash through her.

After all that, she’d come to Belmont, desperately wanting to be something more than she truly was. Hoping to play the lady and watching her efforts once more crash down around her. And her sweet little Lee—her only hope to find another person in this world to love her and fill that sprawling void that yearned to love and be loved in return. A tear slid out from under her lashes and coursed down her cheek.

A hand cupped her face and gently swiped the tear away. “Under all of that is the real you. The beautiful soul you tried to paint over.”

She blinked away the tears and stared into the intense eyes before her. “Who are you?”

He smiled. “You know who I am.”

“No, I….” She stopped. But she did know. Somewhere deep within her she had known him for a very long time. She just didn’t remember.

He clasped her hand, warm fingers that radiated caring enveloping her own. “Come, sit with me.”

She let him lead her to the tree and settled down next to him. She plucked a blade of grass and twirled it between her fingers. Questions swirled in her, but she was afraid to voice them. What if she upset him and he made her leave this beautiful place? Could she stay here? Would he bring Lee, too? Oh, and if he came would he still be sick?

“You should rest, Ella,” he said, his tender voice seeping into her thoughts and soothing them away. “Ever you worry about tomorrow before tomorrow comes. Does not each day have enough troubles of its own?”

Ella dropped the grass and leaned back against the tree, comfortable at his side though she didn’t know why. “I’d say that each day has troubles aplenty, that’s for certain.” She drew her bottom lip through her teeth. “But not here. Here it is safe.”

He didn’t respond, and Ella could sense he wanted her to discover something. Already she knew, but didn’t want to accept it. Still, the words came from her lips as though of their own accord. “But I cannot stay here.”

“The time has not yet come.”

She closed her eyes and let her head drop against his shoulder. “I don’t know what to do. The troubles seem like they will overwhelm me.”

“Yet, how can you add a single hour to your life by worrying?”

Ella wrinkled her nose. “I suppose I cannot.”

They sat in peaceful silence for a few moments, until he coaxed revelation from her once more. “Why do you hide?”

She watched the grass sway in the breeze. “I don’t know.” She didn’t really. It just seemed to be the safest thing, the thing that protected her tender heart from pain. By doing so, and pretending to be strong, she had learned to build walls that others dared not breach.

“Perhaps by doing so, you have made it harder.”

Had he read her thoughts? “No. When people see me for me, they never like me.”

“Hmm. But I do.”

She turned to look at him. There was something so familiar about him, yet she couldn’t place it. She wanted to say that was because this was a dream and he wasn’t real, but the words would not leave her mouth.

He lifted his brows, as though he knew her thoughts anyway. Then he smiled, and everything within her seemed to glow. “But, Ella, do you not know that who you truly are is special?”

Ella shook her head, fear and anger writhing within her and threatening to ruin all that was perfect here. “There is nothing special about me. I am nobody important.” She clutched the brilliant white dress and held it firm. “I am no spotless girl deserving a man who adores her and children who love her. I have no great talents, remarkable beauty, or astounding intellect.” She bit down her tears and crossed her arms like a petulant child. “What, then, could possibly be special about me?”

He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her. Safety and peace poured through her and unraveled her anger. Ella breathed in the scents of sweet and beauty and wanted nothing more than to stay in this strange dream place.

He hugged her against him. “I think you know why you are special. You only need to discover it again.”

Ella began to feel drowsy and allowed her eyes to close. “Do I? I don’t remember what you say I have forgotten.”

“Seek it and you will find it.” His voice, so sweet, yet so majestic, drifted on the languid breeze, tickling her senses and shifting her world.

She yawned. “Find what?”