If I Only Knew(49)

Unreal.

“This is classy, Ava. You don’t always have to show the goods to get a man to notice you.”

She bursts out laughing. “Right, Mom. Guys love it when you win them with your brains. I mean, that’s what they look at when you walk by . . .”

“You know what I mean.” I slip the dress on, smoothing the fabric as I look in the mirror.

This one is actually perfect. It’s a maroon satin dress that cuts just below my knee. I love that it’s tight around the chest and waist but gives a bit around my hips.

“Wow.” Ava whistles. “You look hot.”

“You think?”

“Totally. Can I do your makeup again?” she asks.

“No.”

God only knows what new tricks she’s learned online. I’ll stick with my routine.

“Well then, can I have my phone back for more than when I’m stuck babysitting Parker?”

I was really hoping we’d avoid this fight. Yes, Ava’s grades have improved, as has her attitude. It’s been actually pleasant to be around her. She’s being nice, even watching a movie with Parker and I the other night, and I don’t want to lose that.

Part of me can’t help but think it’s because she doesn’t have that damn phone glued to her hand.

These are the times I wish I could defer to Peter. He was really good at being the bad guy when it came to her. “No, you’re doing better, and I appreciate that, but I caught you smoking, skipping school, and God only knows what I don’t know.”

“So I’m grounded for what you don’t even know I did?”

“Ava, it takes more than two weeks of good behavior to make up for the shit you did that I do know about.”

My daughter is a smart girl. She also has a manipulative side that I’m sure is working on overdrive. If I give in to her now, there will be no going back without a war.

I watch the wheels turn in her blue eyes. “Whatever.”

“Trust is earned, sweetheart. When it’s broken, there’s no telling how long it’ll take to fix it.” I touch her cheek before dropping my hand.

“I’m trying.”

“I know you are.”

She’s made strides. I’ll give her that, but after the hell she’s put me through the last year, she’s got to run a marathon before we’re on steady ground.

She heads out of the room and I release a heavy sigh. It seriously sucks having to be the adult. I always envisioned a relationship with Ava where we were friends. We would eat pizza, talk, and have a sisterhood type bond, but she never wanted that. Ava is the girl who, the minute she felt old enough, stopped holding my hand to cross the street and didn’t need me to tuck her in at night.

It was hard to accept the reality of our relationship.

I head downstairs where Parker is reading his new comic book.

“Hey, buddy.”

“Mom! Look!” He shows me the page.

“Wow, Thor looks pretty fierce there,” I note.

Parker nods with a huge grin. “He’s the best.”

“Really? What about Spiderman? I thought he was the best?”

“I like him too, but Thor is cooler and has a hammer. Plus, he’s a God!”

If he says so.

“Okay, I’m glad you found a new superhero.”

“Thor is like Milo.”

We’re going to make sure Milo never hears about being like a God. I don’t need to inflate that ego more than it is now.

Parker goes back to looking at the comic and I pick up some of the toys lying around. Who said motherhood isn’t glamourous?

I try not to be nervous knowing he’ll be here soon. Milo has been to my house, met my kids, and knows my life, but not since we had sex the other day. I’m not sure how this works now. We’ve sort of said we’re dating but taking it slow. I just don’t know how to act around him. Will my kids be able to look at us and know we had sex? Is there some weird vibe we’ll give off? Do I kiss him when he comes in?

So much shit to think about.

“Mom?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like Milo?”

Oh, Jesus. “Do you like Milo?” I repeat.

“I like him,” he says. “Are you his girlfriend?”

How and why is this happening right now? “Milo and I are friends, Parker. We work together and spend a lot of time with each other.”

He nods as if that makes perfect sense. “Okay.”

My heart starts to return to its normal speed and I look down at my watch, wondering where the hell he is.

“Do you kiss him?”

I close my eyes, wishing a sinkhole would open and take me with it because the only rule in our home is we never lie. Not that I think they’ll always follow it, but Peter and I believe strongly in honesty. I don’t know if it’s because in our jobs, twisting the truth was expected, so when we came home, we never wanted to question it. Lies have the ability to take on their own life. They start off simple and small, then the next thing you know, it’s bigger than you can control.

But God do I want to lie right now.

I sit on the couch beside him. “What is it that you really want to know, buddy?”

“Is Milo going to be my new dad?”