Hush (Black Lotus #3)(80)
My very own Wonderland.
“It’s stunning, isn’t it?”
“It’s breathtaking,” I say and then turn to face him, pressing my body against his with my arms wrapped around his waist. “I never thought anything like this could exist in this world.”
“I feel the same when I look at you.”
We stand here, on the rooftop of our own personal castle, and wrap ourselves around each other. Declan cradles my head to his chest as he plants kisses down on me. We hug; it’s all we need to do in this moment of much-needed peace, and finally, I can breathe. The weight of the world’s afflictions are becoming less and less suffocating as I continue to move along this path Declan is providing me. Of course a part of me still aches for my dad and for my brother, but that’s a sadness I’ll have to brave for the rest of my life. There’s simply no cure for heartbreaks that surpass unfathomable agony. Some wounds run so deep that there’s no possibility of healing. But here, with Declan, I’m hoping one day the pain will become more tolerable.
“I was thinking about something on the plane ride here,” Declan says, breaking the silence between us. “We should go to The Water Lily.”
I smile when I think about Isla. Staying with her when I was at my ultimate lowest, thinking Declan had died at the hands of Pike, was probably the best place I could’ve wound up. We had so many great conversations, and I realize now that I know so much about his grandmother when he’s never really spoken to her.
“Isla has a beautiful heart,” I tell him. “I miss her.”
“Why do you think she never said anything to me? She has a photo of me in her room and she knows who I am.”
I see the little boy lost deep within his eyes as I look him. “Maybe she was scared. Maybe she didn’t know what to say.”
“Maybe,” he responds. “How about we pay her a visit tomorrow? Let’s take the rest of the day for us.” He leans down and kisses me before saying, “Take a walk with me.”
We head back down the hidden staircase and then down to main floor of the house. Walking through the atrium, we make our way outside.
“Everything looks so different than it did when we left a couple months ago,” I say as we stroll aimlessly through the flowers.
We make our way up a stone pathway that runs alongside the clinker grotto and then wander along another grassy path, weaving through trees and stepping over a narrow babbling brook. I look down at the house, and laugh to myself when I see the huge gaps that still remain in the now-flowering bushes that rim around the exterior wall.
“What’s so funny?”
“I still can’t believe you ripped out all the purple bushes,” I tell him, and when he looks down to the house to see the gaps, he shrugs. “My darling hates purple,” he says nonchalantly and continues to walk.
“Sit with me,” he says when we find ourselves surrounded by bright yellow daffodils.
I settle myself between Declan’s legs and back against his chest as he sits behind me. We both look out among the flowers as I sink into his hold.
“Tell me you’re happy,” he says, and I answer honestly, “I’m happy.”
“You know, the first time I ever saw you, I knew I had to have you.” I rest my head against him as I listen to him speak. “I’d never felt that intensely about anyone before. I can still remember how beautiful you looked that night in your navy silk dress and long red hair. I was beyond fascinated by you.”
“And I remember you, not even wearing a bow tie to your own black tie affair,” I tease.
“I know our start was f*cked up, but I wouldn’t change it. Because without it, we wouldn’t have this.”
“I’ll never forgive myself though.”
“I need you to know something.” The seriousness in his tone makes me sit up and turn to face him. “I need you to know that I’ve forgiven you, and that hate I used to feel towards you . . . it’s no longer there.”
His words soothe, and when he begins to kaleidoscope, I blink him into clarity. But these tears don’t hurt—they heal. He places his hands on my cheeks and kisses me again.
“You give yourself to me in a way no other woman could. And even if they could, I wouldn’t want them to. I’m not perfect—you’ve even called me out on my flaws a few times, but you’ve never thrown them in my face with ridicule,” he says with gratitude. “And when I tell you that I need you, I mean it. I can’t battle this world without you by my side. You’re the bravest woman I know.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. My God, the life you’ve been dealt, everything you’ve had to endure, and here you are, still fighting. Still trying.”
“Because of you,” I tell him. “Every breath is a choice, and I choose to keep taking them for you.”
“I’m going to give you a long life filled with breaths then,” he affirms before he takes my face in his hands and looks steadfastly into my eyes. “I once told you that the truest part of a person is the ugliest.”
“I remember that night.”
“The ugliest parts of you are your darkest. And trust me when I tell you that I want to love all of your darkest parts.” He reaches into his pocket, and my heart beats a beat I’ve never felt before as he pulls out a ring. “And I promise you that I will love all of your darkness if you promise to love mine too.”