Hush (Black Lotus #3)(11)

“I’m not crazy. I feel this; I feel your arms holding me. Tell me you feel it too.”

“Elizabeth, no. We can’t.”

“Why not?”

Pike takes my arms in his hands and pushes back to look at me straight on. “Because of Declan.”

“But he can’t give me what you can.”

“He can give you something better.”

“It’s too much though.”

“Trust him to know your limits. And trust me when I tell you that he loves you. He’ll take better care of you than I did—than I ever could.”

“You took perfect care of me.”

He takes my face, kissing me softly, and the selfish animal in me moves to wrap my arms around him as tight as I can to keep him close, but my arms slip right through him. My eyes pop open, and I’m all alone. He’s gone with a faint shift in the air, whispering, “I’m never too far from you.”

“Pike!” I cry out, but it’s no use.

His scent slowly evaporates as Declan’s takes over, replacing the comfort of my past. I’m torn between this polar energy that pulls me from one end to the other—a tug of war. Pike is the easy choice, the safe choice, because with him, there’s no pain and no fear. Declan is a different story altogether though. He’s a multifaceted enigma with layers, creating an illimitable depth. If I immerse myself in him, I just might fall forever. But if his words are truth, he’ll catch me. It’s an unknown that’s so unsettling it’s terrifying.

With every gust of wind from outside, I dart my eyes around the room, hoping Pike comes back, but he doesn’t. Unable to sit still, I get out of bed and make my way to the restroom for a drink of water. After downing the tall glass, I set it down with a clink next to the orange prescription bottle. My mood stabilizer, my Pike killer. Shaking out a single pill, I screw the cap back on before walking into the toilet room and flicking it into the water with a tiny plop. I watch it disappear after I flush and feel appeased to know that with this deception, I’ve given another day of “life” to my brother.

Walking back into the bedroom, I notice the door opening and the shadow of Declan as he takes a step in and stops. The room, donned in black, is forgiving on my love’s face, casting a muted blue tone to his features. No words are spoken as we both stand and stare at each other while a tornado of words swirls between us.

My earlier conversation with Pike screams the loudest of all. And the possibility of him being right about Declan saws away at the scar tissue of my heart, filling me with sorrow for the way I’ve treated him. He deserves love, compassion, and obedience, all the things I’m frightened to hand over.

The lines of his face are hard, and when I see his jaw tick, he begins to walk toward me in even steps. My body tenses at the fervor he exudes. In sharp movements, he grabs my face and kisses me with icy control, stealing my breath and marking my tongue with his.

I gasp.

It’s desire.

It’s sadness.

It’s fear.

White-hot fear.

“I won’t allow you to be scared of me,” he demands when he pulls away.

Breaths hit hard for the both of us, my body trembling as I look into his dilated, lustful eyes.

“I let you build this wall between us because I thought you were too fragile for me to forbid it, but I forbid it now.”

His mouth crashes into mine before I can say anything, and he takes my hesitance, swallowing it into his soul, breathing a new life within me. But he leaves a little behind to linger. He leaves it for me to give willingly.

Releasing me from his hold, he steps back and sits in one of the chairs. In full command, he instructs, “Take your clothes off.”

The weight of my heart aches painfully in my chest, and the moment I drop my eyes, he takes notice.

“Look at me.”

With reluctance, I do.

“Keep your eyes on me.”

Every nerve ending is firing inside of me as I unbutton my top and drop it to the floor. I then move to slip my pants off, and watch as Declan grinds his teeth. My stomach turns in anxiety, not knowing what’s to come next, but I stand here and try with all I can to believe Pike when he says Declan won’t hurt me.

“All of it,” he presses as he sits in the night’s obscurity, shielding himself in its obsidian.

Cold air trills in goosebumps along my flesh as I unhook my bra and drop my panties to my ankles, exposing the tarnished veneer to my aberration. The bruises have faded, the lacerations are nearly healed scabs, but we both know the garbage I am. I’ve told him my past in full detail; he knows my life in the closet and in the basement, and yet he grows hard for me as he sits and examines.

He’s too good to be a monster like me, too good to be turned on by the grotesque.

“On the bed,” he orders. “Lie on your stomach.”

“No!” I blurt out at the humiliation that still remains from when he last took me from behind. Although my voice never screamed no, every part of my vitality did as he ripped me apart and violated me beyond boundaries I never thought I had.

“On the bed!” he shouts.

I turn and walk across the room as my eyes prick. Taking a hard swallow, I will the vulnerability away. My back stiffens as I cage my heart in self-preservation.

I can do this.

When I sit on the edge of the bed, he stands, his cock pushing against the fabric of his pants. He walks over to me, taking my knees in his hands and opening me up to stand between my legs.