Hush (Black Lotus #3)(10)

I flinch when I feel Elizabeth’s hand on my back. When I turn to look at her, her cheeks are tear-stained, and I wipe them away with my thumbs, asking, “Why are you crying?”

“Because . . . it hurts me to see you in pain.”

“I need you to see it though,” my voice breaks.

She then reaches her hands up to my face, pulls me to her, and kisses me. She swallows up my ragged breaths, pushing her body against mine, and I instantly grow hard. It’s a storm of emotions that begs to be released.

With a growl, I pick her up, and she gasps when I drop her to the couch. She watches intently, trembling as I unbuckle my belt.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t tell me no, Elizabeth,” I command.

She jolts up, lurching off the couch in a panic. “I can’t.”

There’s fear in her eyes as she backs away from me, heading towards the door, as if I’m some monster from her nightmares.

“Bullshit! You can, you just don’t want to.”

She continues to retreat, refusing to connect with me and it’s the last f*cking stab to my heart I can take! I f*cking love her, but she’s built this wall around herself to keep me away. It pisses the raging shit out of me, and I explode in a thunderous roar when I watch her leave the room, rejecting me.

“Just give me one motherf*cking piece of you!” my scathing voice ruptures, reverberating off the walls.





HIS VIOLENT SCREAMS echo through the house as I bolt down the stairs to the bedroom, scared that he will take what I’m terrified to give. Not that I don’t want to be close with him, but it’s the ramifications I’m not ready for. I shut the door, and try to calm myself down.

“What are you doing?”

I look up, relieved to have Pike here with me right now. “Where have you been?” I say breathlessly as I rush into his arms. “I’ve missed you.”

There’s never any temperature to his touch, but there’s pressure, and it’s enough to soothe.

“Just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m not always here.”

“Don’t leave,” I beg of him. “Stay with me, just for a while.”

He strokes his hands through my hair, cradling me close, and I nuzzle my face against his chest. With a deep breath through my nose, I inhale his scent through the fibers of his shirt.

“I’m worried about you.”

An overwhelming neediness consumes me, and I finally let the tears fall that I’ve been holding in for days now. “I miss you so much, Pike,” I cry. “It only gets worse as time passes.”

“Is that why you’re not taking your meds?”

“I won’t ever say goodbye to you, Pike. Don’t even think about asking me to because it’ll never happen. I’m keeping you for always.”

“I want you to get better though.”

“You make me better. You always have.”

We walk over to the bed and slip in. I rest my head in the center of his chest as we lie together, and even though I’m in the arms of a dead man, I feel at home. For the first time since Declan found me with Richard, I feel at peace, in the arms of my brother. He continues to hold me as time passes and the sun sets, darkening the room.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why are you shutting Declan out after all you’ve been through to be with him?”

“You know why,” I tell him. “You know me better than anyone else does.”

“Why are you letting your fear win?”

“I’m not. I’m only protecting myself the way you taught me.”

“I taught you to protect yourself against people who hurt you. Declan’s not trying to hurt you, but you’re definitely hurting him.”

Sitting up, I look down to Pike and take in each and every feature, unable to look away.

“What is it? What do you want to say?” he questions, reading my face and knowing I’m hiding something.

“You’ll think I’m crazy.”

He smiles, and it’s so perfect with the moon casting its glow down upon him. “I already think you’re crazy, Elizabeth. But I’m crazy too. So, tell me what you’re thinking about.”

My mind drifts back through our life together. He was always there for me in ways no one else was, giving me what I needed to escape and numb.

“Just say it.”

“Take my pain away,” I request hesitantly.

He sits up, looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind by asking him for sex. Maybe I have, but I know what I need, and it’s him. He has the power to stop the world from spinning so out of control. If even for just a moment, I crave the reprieve.

“Please, Pike.” My voice, filled with so much pain and sadness, pleads as tears drip from my chin.

“I’m not real.”

“To me you are.”

“Elizabeth,” he says cautiously and then repeats, “I’m not real.”

“But I feel you,” I tell him, taking his hand in mine. “I can feel you.”

“It’s not real.”

“It is!”

He wraps his arms around me, and I cling to him—desperate for him.