Hosed (Happy Cat #1)(5)
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Cassie: I…don’t know. I didn’t realize they were those kind of cookies.
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Savannah: Oh, yeah, Maud is a big Sunshine fan, even if her husband is a stick in the mud who hates fun. She makes the most adorable sexy sugar cookies. The vagina ones have a little sugar pearl clitoris on them and everything!
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Cassie: Oh God.
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Savannah: What?
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Cassie: Nothing. That’s just kind of gross, isn’t it?
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Savannah: You ate penis lollipops at my bachelorette party without a problem. Don’t you believe in equal representation of genitalia in baking and candy-making?
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Cassie: What I believe is that you were meant to run this company and I can’t wait for you to come home, rested and rejuvenated and ready to lead Sunshine Toys into a bright and shiny new future.
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Savannah: Oh, sweet Cass. I love you, but this isn’t like all the other times I’ve said I was running away from home. I have actually run away—I’m out of the country and loose in a foreign land—and I don’t think I’m coming back anytime soon.
I’m so sorry to disappoint you. And my beautiful employees.
Maybe I should just give the company to Ruthie May and call it a day?
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Cassie: No! Not Ruthie May. She would go mad given that much power. And drive the rest of Happy Cat crazy along with her. Plus, she keeps talking about retiring.
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Savannah: Olivia?
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Cassie: Eh…
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Savannah: I know. She’s a disaster, but I love her. She’s been my bestie since we were eight years old. I couldn’t not give her a job after her mom died.
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Cassie: You’ve got a big heart. And that’s why Steve’s betrayal is tearing you apart right now. But big hearts don’t just hurt big. They also heal big. Even bigger and better than they were before.
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Savannah: How did you get so wise?
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Cassie: I read a lot of books. And I’ve learned a lot from watching my kick-ass little sister. You’ve weathered break-ups and heartbreak before. You can do this. There’s no doubt in my mind. I’ll check in with you soon, okay? In the meantime try to have fun and see a few sights aside from the interior of every bakery in London.
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Savannah: I’ll try. Thank you for babysitting my life. Everything A-okay at the house, at least? You’re comfortable and have everything you need?
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Cassie: The house is great. I love being so close to the lake and the woods. I go hiking every morning before riding my sister’s obnoxious dildo-handled bicycle to work.
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Savannah: Lol. I would pay money to see you on my bike, my shy little squirrel.
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Cassie: When you come home I’ll ride it around the block for you. You can film it for posterity.
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Savannah: If I come home.
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Cassie: When.
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Savannah: We’ll see. Oh, and remember Tuesday is trash day so be sure to put the bins and the recycling out at the end of the drive. With the lids on tight and the rocks beside the mailbox on top.
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Cassie: Already done. I told you, I’ve got this, lady. Don’t worry about me. Everything is under control.
Three
Cassie Sunderwell
(aka an overworked computer gamer geek who needs a vacation from her vacation)
* * *
Everything is not under control.
Everything is chaos and insanity and explosions and fires and intimidating sex toys—half of which I would have no idea how to use, even if I were of the mind to do that “product research” Savannah’s been encouraging since she started making fake penises for a living—and now…him.
Him. Ryan O’Dell, Mr. Popular, star of the wrestling team, and voted Most Likely to Stay Hot For Eternity every year of high school.
Mr. Used-to-haunt-my-dreams.
Mr. And-he-did-again-last-night.
Not only has he not moved out of town, the way I’d naively assumed after not seeing him around Happy Cat my first week on the job as Savannah’s temporary replacement, he’s become a big, bossy firefighter with broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw and piercing blue eyes that have somehow gotten even bluer and more knee-weakeningly intense in the nine years since he broke my stupid teenage heart.