Hosed (Happy Cat #1)(3)
The sheriff chews on the ends of his mustache and stares at her, then turns to Cassie. “Where’s Savannah?”
“I’ve got this one!” Olivia chirps happily. “She—”
“She left me in charge while she’s on vacation,” Cassie interrupts. “And right now, my priority isn’t shocking the sheriff, ladies. It’s making sure the factory doesn’t burn down. So back off, Ruthie May. Quiet down, Olivia. And, you—” She points at me with a glower that leaves no wiggle room for interpretation. I’m apparently persona non grata with Cassie Sunderwell. “Take your pretty face off to help keep the building in one piece and make sure my sister doesn’t have a reason to kill me, okay?”
That’s probably a good plan. If that lab explosion gets out of hand, we’ll need every firefighter in a thirty-mile radius for backup.
If there’s as much lube in that building as I suspect there is, the entire town could be at risk.
With one last glance at grown-up Cassie, with her skintight shirt and unexpectedly sexy glasses, I head into the building.
I do not look back, I do not think about what a shame it is that Cassie seems to hate me like ass sores, and I do not dwell too long on the fact that she called me pretty.
Or how much I liked it…
Two
From the texts of Cassie Sunderwell and
Savannah Sunderwell
* * *
Cassie: Hey, Savannah. How are you? I hope you’re resting, relaxing, and showering yourself with the self-care you need to heal. I love you so much.
* * *
Savannah: I love you, too, sissy. And I’m okay. Still sporting a crater where my heart used to be, but if I keep stuffing my face with scones and clotted cream, it will eventually be filled with dairy and carbs.
Maybe.
If not, I’ll move on to haggis next week when I get to Scotland.
* * *
Cassie: You do know that haggis is basically offal stuffed into a cow’s stomach, right?
* * *
Savannah: Ugh! No. That’s disgusting.
But it also sounds filling. Then my heart crater could be full of offal and awful.
* * *
Cassie: Oh, pumpkin. I know it hurts, but someday you’ll look back on all this and be so glad you had an amazing opportunity to see the world and to do something just for yourself, I promise. Probably someday very soon!
* * *
Savannah: zombie emoji heart emoji skull and crossbones emoji
* * *
Cassie: Okay. I’ll keep my platitudes to myself while you’re nursing your wounded zombie heart, but there is a matter we need to discuss. Something happened today. But before I tell you about it, I want to assure you that everything is fine, no one was hurt, and the factory did NOT burn down.
So really, this is a happy story! A great story!
Nothing to be upset about at all.
* * *
Savannah: Oh my God! Was Gordon playing with fire again? I was so nervous when we moved in next to the taxidermy shop, but everyone in town promised he hadn’t lit anything up in years!
* * *
Cassie: No, it wasn’t Gordon. He wasn’t into work yet and he does seem to be reformed as far as I can tell. Though I have to confess I’m creeped out by his shop window. When did he start the stuffed squirrels in battle gear thing?
* * *
Savannah: A few years ago. He’s making a killing on Etsy. Can’t keep enough Mighty Squirrels in stock to meet the demand. People are way into taxidermied rodents dressed as soldiers, apparently.
* * *
Cassie: People are disturbing.
* * *
Savannah: Agreed, but I’m more disturbed by fire right now. Olivia didn’t take me seriously when I said we were going to light people’s sheets on fire, did she? I was sure she understood that was a metaphor.
* * *
Cassie: No. No sheets. The investigation is still ongoing, but we know it started with some lube in the lab. Neil thought he’d put it out, but it ignited again after he left the building, spread to a bin of self-lubricating butt plugs he’d planned to use in another experiment, and then there was a loud, but mostly harmless, explosion.
* * *
Savannah: WHAT?!
* * *
Cassie: Turns out coconut oil is more flammable than one might assume.
* * *
Savannah: OH MY GOD. That’s it. I’m closing down the factory. It’s a sign from the universe. Everything I touch turns to poop. My marriage, my business, my life, my heart.
* * *
Cassie: Your heart is not poop. Your life is not poop! Steve is poop. You are unicorn hair plaited in a beautiful braid, sprinkled with sugar and sunshine.