Hosed (Happy Cat #1)(4)
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Savannah: Thank you, but I’m done kidding myself, Cass. I should have closed everything down before I left town.
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Cassie: No! You have a great team here. Everything’s fine, and it’ll be running like a well-lubed machine and waiting for you when you’re ready to come back.
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Savannah: I’m not coming back. I’m going to eat my way through the United Kingdom. Then I’m going to sail to the Netherlands and smoke my way through every pot shop in Amsterdam. After that, I’ll drink my way through France until my money runs out and I end up homeless on a beach in Italy selling seashell necklaces to survive and talking to myself because I won’t understand anyone else. But since I don’t speak Italian, I won’t be able to communicate, make friends, or fall in love, and my heart will never be broken again. So homeless madness will end up being a fair trade.
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Cassie: Stop it. You are not going to end up homeless. You are going to grieve, get back on your feet, and reclaim the helm of this wonderful company you’ve built.
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Savannah: You hate the company.
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Cassie: I do not, I’m just…shy around dildos.
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Savannah: You shouldn’t be. Dildos just want to make you feel good, Cass. Dildos are our friends, unlike dicks attached to actual real life men.
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Cassie: I don’t think dildos have life goals, but I see your point.
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Savannah: Good. You should take a few home and see which one you like the best. Take them all. I’m shutting down.
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Cassie: Say I do take all your dildos. For argument’s sake, not because I want one, much less all of them. Then where would the rest of the world find safe, eco-friendly sex products that put a woman’s pleasure first? You’re revolutionary, Savannah. You can’t let humanity down.
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Savannah: I can’t give humanity’s nether regions third-degree burns, either. Or God forbid, blow them clean off! The products aren’t safe if they’re exploding. Someone could have been hurt, and if they had, I never would have forgiven myself.
I’ve got to close. It’s the only answer.
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Cassie: Do that and you put a lot of people out of work, Van. You don’t want to rush into a decision like that, especially when there’s a chance the products weren’t to blame.
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Savannah: What do you mean?
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Cassie: Like I said, the investigation is still ongoing but…
The specialist they called in said it could be arson.
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Savannah: What?!
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Cassie: It’s not a given, but it looks like the chemicals might have been tampered with. We should know more when they get results back from their lab in a few days.
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Savannah: Who on earth would do such a thing? Put people in danger like that? I mean, I know some folks think it’s scandalous to have a sex toy company at the edge of town, but…
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Cassie: It’s in the middle of town. Right by the post office.
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Savannah: Well, yes, but the sign is very tasteful.
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Cassie: The sign is a sun having an orgasm.
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Savannah: She is not. She’s just happy!
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Cassie: Too happy.
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Savannah: That’s like saying babies are too cute or ice cream is too delicious or water slides are too much fun.
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Cassie: I’m just playing devil’s advocate here. And looking at it from the perspective of an older person who grew up in a less free-and-easy time… I can understand why they’re freaked out. But that’s no excuse for putting lives in danger. So if this is a case of sabotage, I’ll hire security and make sure the factory is so closely guarded nothing like this will ever happen again.
In the meantime, we’re back to business as usual tomorrow. We’ve moved product development to another space while we clean up the old lab and Ruthie May is going to bring in a box of Maud’s famous Sunshine-inspired cookies from Dough on the Square to get everyone excited about a fresh start Tuesday morning.
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Savannah: The vagina cookies or the penis ones?