Hidden (Nicole Jones #1)(30)

How can I tell him that there may never be another one? That while picking pieces of glass jars out of my tub, I realized that my time here may be close to over?

But because I am not completely ready to accept that, I tell Steve that I will look in the local paper to see if anyone is selling furniture. I also have to call my landlord, let him know what’s happened. Why there will be new furniture in the house.

As I’m talking, I notice his computer on the desk in the corner of the den. Immediately I admonish myself for what I am thinking, what I had thought about earlier: that I can sneak onto his computer when he is asleep and contact Tracker.

‘I think you’re not telling me everything, Nicole,’ Steve says softly.

His words startle me. Not just because I was so engrossed in my own thoughts that I almost thought I was alone, but because he is challenging me. That is not the way our relationship works.

‘It’s been a long day, Steve.’ It seems like forever since I was painting on the beach.

He leans forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees, and stares at me. ‘Zeke Chapman isn’t his real name. And he seems to think that your name is Tina. Is your name Tina, Nicole? Is that your real name?’

The panic bubbles up inside me. I feel it in my throat, which is closing up. I cannot speak.

‘I’m sorry I have to ask, but you’ve been acting strangely ever since he came to town.’

He’s right. But I can’t tell him. I can’t tell him any more than he already knows.

It’s no longer because of me, though. It’s because of him. Because I can’t put him in danger.

When I was in the house, I found something. Something that Frank and Bob missed, because why would they pay any attention to a postcard of the North Light? It was stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet.

If they’d taken it down and turned it over, they would’ve seen it was addressed to Daniel Adler at the federal penitentiary outside Raleigh, North Carolina. There was no note written.

He hadn’t indicated that he still had the postcard. Or even if he ever did. He had just said he’d seen it.

The destruction at my house wasn’t his style, at least not the man I used to know. But it was Carmine Loffredo’s style.

A chill rushes up my spine. Carmine probably has not been charged with just finding me. We both stole that money from Carmine’s boss. I wonder where he is hiding, because I know he must be if he knows Carmine is here. He doesn’t know the island like I do, though, and he doesn’t know the best places to go.

Steve is watching me. I have to give him something.

‘You’re right,’ I say. ‘I have been acting a little different. It’s just that I never thought I’d see Zeke again.’ Saying the name is difficult for me, and I choke it out, then take a sip of my cognac, as if it can wash it away. ‘It’s been a bit of a shock. And now, with him breaking into my house and trashing it, well, I am just so embarrassed that I got caught up with him again.’

I have no idea if I sound contrite. I am doing the best I can, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. Especially when Steve asks me again: ‘What’s your real name?’

He knows. Am I strong enough to admit it?

I chew on my lip for a few seconds, then say, ‘It’s Tina.’

His face crumbles. ‘Why?’

I know what he’s asking. ‘I came here to get away from my life,’ I say. ‘You did the same thing with Dotty.’

‘But I didn’t change my name. I didn’t lie about it.’

‘I needed a fresh start,’ I whisper as a tear slips down my cheek. I never wanted to hurt him.

‘What’s your last name?’

If I tell him, he’ll be able to find me online in one of those news stories. He’ll know everything. But do I have a choice? Is it time to tell?

‘I’m not that person anymore,’ I try.

‘You can’t escape your past, Nicole.’

I feel myself smile in spite of myself. ‘Yes, yes, you can.’

But he is shaking his head. ‘No. See what’s happened? This man, Zeke, or whatever his name is, has come here because of what happened in the past. If you know who he really is, you should tell me. You should tell Frank.’

‘I can’t tell Frank,’ I say before thinking. ‘You can’t tell Frank. Please.’

Steve scratches his beard. ‘Can you tell me?’ He knows that there is more.

I can’t even look at him. My eyes settle on the computer on the desk again.

‘Nicole?’ His voice is stern, touching a memory of my father, and I look back at him. ‘Isn’t it time for you to come clean?’

I want to. I really do.

I shake my head and give a short chuckle. ‘It’s not nearly as sordid as you might think.’ That might be the biggest lie of them all.

Steve surprises me then. He stands up. ‘I’ll make us some supper. I’ve got some fresh cod I picked up earlier. How does that sound?’

Relief rushes through me, and I grin. ‘That sounds wonderful. What can I do?’

He shakes his head. ‘You can stay here and finish your drink.’ He goes to the kitchen and I hear the sounds of dinner being fixed. I know now that it’s not going to be that easy. If things were normal, I would be in there with him, peeling potatoes, cracking jokes with him.