Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(73)

“I can’t believe anything that’s coming out of your mouth. I d-don’t re-me-member everything. I-I have no grasp on what’s real.”

“Look at the photo,” he says. “Look at your smile. You are wearing that ring because, when I asked you to marry me, you said yes, Brielle.”

“That isn’t our reality now.”

“Why? Do you not love me? Did you not crave being around me? Feel safe in my arms and in every way?”

I shake my head. “You don’t get it, Spencer! The safety came from knowing that you were the one person I could trust. I could share myself, my fears, and my heart, and it was protected. Now, I have a million questions and I can’t ask you because I can’t be sure you’re giving me honest answers. How can I trust you?”

He sinks down in front of me, taking my hands in his. “I’ll tell you everything. I’ll spare nothing if that’s what you need.”

For weeks, I’ve been asking for this, and here it is. “Fine. How long have we been together?”

“Nine months before the murder.”

“And when did we get engaged?”

“Three days before that.”

I blink. “We were engaged for three days before I was hit with a gun and my brother was shot?” I pull my hands back, more sure than ever that my thoughts were right.

“Yes. We hadn’t even told anyone yet. Not a fucking soul knew that we were dating. Maybe your neighbor caught on about a week before, but that’s it. We agreed that we wanted to tell Isaac first.”

His name is like a low blow to the chest. Isaac never knew. I lied to him for nine months and apparently, I thought it was fine. I will never forgive myself for this. “No wonder I protected myself.”

Spencer flinches. “What does that mean?”

“Why I forgot. I knew it was wrong.”

“No, you forgot because some maniac assaulted you.” He stands. “You were happy. You and I . . . we were fucking happy. Nothing about what we did was wrong.”

“We are liars! We never told my brother. We snuck around behind his back. Addy, my mother, Emmett . . . we kept it from everyone, and for what? If it wasn’t wrong, then why?”

“Because we love each other!” He grips my shoulders. “We didn’t want anything to take that away.”

“Well, it did. It’s gone.”

I was engaged to the man who tried to kill me.

And then I remember the man who threw water balloons. The one who danced with me, held me, protected me.

Which is the truth?

I am going out of my fucking mind. I am crazy and irrational, but I literally can’t tell the truth from a lie. I don’t know if what I saw in the other room is another memory spliced together or if I’m going insane. It’s like the people in that picture are strangers, living a life that is wholly separate from mine. I have no idea who that girl is, but I know she isn’t me.

“Don’t say that.” Spencer’s voice shifts, noting the panic. “Don’t say it’s gone.”

I can’t do this.

Tears stream down my face, and all I want is to be alone and feel safe again.

I wish I never remembered anything.

When I pull my sweater tighter around me, the keys in my pocket seem to get heavier. I need to get out of here.

He moves closer, and I’m already backing toward the door. “Stop. Stop please. You’re drowning me, and I can’t breathe.”

The look in his eyes robs me of breath. The pain that lashes across his face tells me that I have wounded him.

I need to go. I need . . . I have to get . . . I can’t . . . this is too much. My vision is getting blurry, and I know I am about to lose it and have a full-on panic attack. Either that or I’m dying.

There’s only one way out.

I reach into my pocket and press the button, knowing the people hired to ensure my safety will be through that door in a moment.

And exactly as promised, a few seconds later, the door is thrown open and I’m being carried out, away from the man I thought I trusted and fell in love with, even after forgetting.





Chapter Twenty-Six





SPENCER





“You know the rules, man.” Quinn pushes against my chest as I try to get through to Brielle’s door.

“Stop. Stop please. You’re drowning me, and I can’t breathe.”

“I need to talk to her!”

“Stop. Stop please. You’re drowning me, and I can’t breathe.”

“You can’t.”

“Stop. Stop please. You’re drowning me, and I can’t breathe.”

Over and over like a record that keeps scratching and forcing me to start at the same spot.

“Drowning. I’m drowning, Spencer. You are taking away everything I need.” Only this last one is my mother’s voice. She said it the last time I saw her, right after the piece of shit she was dating walked away because she had a kid. He didn’t like kids.

None of them did.

So, she left me.

“Stop. Stop please. You’re drowning me, and I can’t breathe.”

I won’t let her go. I am not a scared little boy anymore. I’ll fight to make her see that I’m not drowning her, I’ll tread water for both of us so we don’t go under.